Could have allowed grief to have space in the garden but thought permission was needed.
Should have stood but leaning seemed meant to be.
Could have painted clearly but the debris was moving.
Should have done something different but the familiar had the gift of gab.
Could have pretended but the art was too real.
Should have let it go but storms were stalking.
Could have tried again but was too tired to.
Should have sung a new tune but used to the gut-wrenching growls of dragons.
Could have hoped but still here so there's no point.
Should have written a better story but already fit into the lines of the old one.
Could have been found but it's locked in the same room as lost.
Should have moved but the choices didn't provide the outcomes first.
Could have gained moments of happy but sad was lurking close by too.
Should have loved imperfect but applause prefers flawless scores.
Could have done it like someone else but didn't grow up on those pages.
Should have heard the pain but the connotations and denotations of words got twisted.
We say that it takes hope to pull us out of the darkness but if it's been, then the pressure has been building as well, and that hurts enough to be out of our minds.
So, carried away by unresolved moments that liberation from pain is the actual dream and anything that brings relief in the present becomes a possibility.
Eventually, though, what felt so right will turn out to be so wrong as the should haves and could haves start again, once more adding up the unsettled.
Can't know what tomorrow will bring but can decide how to feel there regardless.
Can't rewrite old stories but can restore movement on blank pages.
Can't just cry tears from laughter but can embrace both ends of sobbing in the same home.
Can't prevent struggling but can strengthen roots of trust in the debris.
Can't love every minute but can soften the hate with lines of safety.
Can't make all dreams come true but can still have flowers.
Can't be someone else but can be a sometime warrior with its own epic tale.
Can't always be happy but can still see bright lights in the darkness.
To settle the moments where we have nothing left of ourselves to lose means traveling back to the spaces that we didn't understand.
Not to avoid the grief or to let go nor to leave the writings of visitors on the walls but instead to resolve what's there with better knowledge or simply the hug of a lifetime.
To be who we needed then even if we are only one step ahead of that past now.
Because when sharing a story between the heart and the head, they are not looking for relief on the outside but are determined to be heard and loved on the inside.
Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
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