Tomorrow is the day that holds our hope that we will be viewed as we dream to be regardless of the things that have already been. It carries the possibility that understanding will allow us to breathe in brave as we leave behind the days that no longer have the ability to effect us. That is until a moment presents itself that turns us around because it seems like yesterday. No matter how many steps forward we take, things can appear that bring familiar feelings and thoughts that lead to the relatable reactions. If we have not discovered the balance between what has hurt and the beauty that lives there as well, the hell will always be close by to remind us of the things that still need to be transformed into what lifts us up; also known as superpowers. When you think of addiction, how do the words weak and courage feel in your heart in comparison to what your mind has defined them as being? Welcome to a little of the details of you through your perspective of just those two words and how they pertain to you. Now turn around to where those definitions were created in the yesterdays and see why you are relating to them in the manner that you are. Because even when a messy room has had everything rearranged, where we place our view of the before, during and the after helps to determine whether we feed what we believe is inadequate in ourselves or perceive of it as a small triumph. Rooms, moments and parts will always become chaotic again and again on this trail but it’s what you do with your knowledge of all of it that matters. Finding the value of getting comfortably uncomfortable with any mess holds the ability to be fearful and courageous at the same time. Welcome to the details that make you a dream, essential and an “f” moment maker in the way that only you can be. Oh hell, in this kind of life, the weeds tell the stories of sometime warriors while the flowers are the reminder that we are so much more.
Stepping into tomorrow will not change what has been nor what will be if we continue to place our moments in the position to destroy us. In other words, all of those failed moments have been leading us to eventually doing this better because we are aware of those things rather than continuing to repeat them because we will always just be them. How you feel cannot be altered by anyone or anything, not even those tricky substances, from the outside unless it’s somehow relatable to what you are already carrying on the inside. What if in this perfect moment, you were to acknowledge those things and then say “Welcome to just some of the details that make me who I am”? The messes, the parts and those moments are meant to be powerful in guiding each of us towards understanding what has worked and what hasn’t and then to try something else; even if that means another “f” moment. Hell can rearrange our perceptions of ourselves, for its matter of time, but so can we if we consent to doing so but then it has always been easier to reposition a room rather than ourselves. The fact and the opinion is that we spend more time trying to justify and hide things from the outside then we actually do in owning them even though we are still carrying the knowledge of all of it on the inside; where it is able to continue to feed the hell. This is me and this is you in similar and distinctly different ways. The most courageous you will ever be is when you are sitting amongst your own weeds getting comfortably uncomfortable with the nothing that came from nowhere in the place that needs you most. It can be all right but you are going to need to laugh until your stomach hurts, get loud in more than what the hell illuminates and carry lots of tissues for the moments that are sometimes far worse than we want them to be. If you are going to do what I say then get ready for the fall because it’s the only way to welcome a different truth in a life that is so very heavell. It seems like yesterday but I have the feeling that tomorrow is going to be the kind of day where addiction can become a superpower that sometime warriors will use to rearrange everything but especially the strength of hell. I am going to just wait right here in my own weeds while you step or fall into the beauty of yours.
A messy room is the place where things have found their way from where they belong into the other areas of that space. As the chaos grows, it becomes easier to just continue tossing the whatever wherever while pushing the jumbled piles into different positions so that they don’t appear to be a problem. Those objects, however, are not the only things that are accumulating while also being shifted and ignored. Our ever expanding feelings of denial, justification and being overwhelmed are also a part of the crowdedness. After all, it has always been easier for us to be aware of and understand the worth of things as they pertain to items rather than what actually lives and breathes in our minds and hearts; also known as the details of us. Now turn around and replace the term “a messy room” with the phrase “the cluttered parts of you”. The addiction, or the whatever that has been detrimental to your wellbeing, is an illumination of what is jumbled on the inside; just like the chaos that a room can hold. This is you and this is me and we don’t always want to rearrange everything in order to get comfortably uncomfortable with the “f” moments and the pain; sometimes it’s better but most often it is worse. The fact and the opinion, though, is that it only appears to be easier to limit our view of the messes through the use of substance or by being an illusion of perfection or by failing to look at all of the parts rather than just a piece. We can either find a different truth by going through all of it in our matter of time or the hell can continue to toss the whatever wherever and today will be a repeat of yesterday. I am going to wait right here while you start to rearrange everything but especially those flowers and weeds on the inside of you. The worth of those things has the ability to make it that kind of day but so do you through the understanding of your words and feelings. Above all, sometime warriors carry tissues for the moments that they fall, walk in circles and step in a life that is so very heavell. Here’s to the hope that what has hurt becomes what helps you to rise one moment at a time; also known as a superpower.
What do a messy room, cluttered parts as well as a space filled with people have in common? Despite not being easily seen, all of them can hold fear and pain while also being overwhelming. Each can also carry a piece of beauty even though that word is not found in the dictionary definitions of them. What is in the words that you say to yourself about those three expressions? What if you were to rearrange everything in order to view not just what is familiar but what you have believed to be impossible to see or to even be found within you? After all, if the hell can find a way to be illuminated while staying hidden, such as in addiction, then you can hold beauty and be jumbled with things like “f” moments as well. How are a messy room, cluttered parts and a space filled with people together while not together? The word together itself is defined as working collectively while not together is explained as being separate. All three of those terms have parts or moments that hold both definitions even when they only appear to represent a flaw or just a strength. A mess is balanced in what it brings even if we do not like it or what we believe it is an expression of. A space that is filled with people gives the appearance of unity and yet each individual is separate in how they came to be regardless of the location of the group or what it may represent. As much as we dislike the hell, we are most often focused upon it and not just because of the part that is known as addiction. The fact and the opinion is that we spend our matter of time avoiding the real truth about the chaos that can be found in parts versus wholes and that way has led to us being unaware that we are actually feeding the hell. If a messy room, cluttered parts, a space filled with people, addiction or whatever is not working for you then it is time for you to find a different truth and not one that is really just a green truth. In other words, you already know how to lose yourself so perhaps in this perfect moment you can get comfortably uncomfortable with the clutter. Here’s to rearranging everything and finding the meaning of your words in the place that needs you most. But wherever you place the whatever the hope is, as the heavell keeper of your life, that you will laugh until your stomach hurts and cry until you realize that it has always been all right to not be all right in any given moment even if a different truth told you it wasn’t.
Both the words light and darkness have and hold parts of what can be found on the inside as well as the outside of us. Depending on the place that you are at, the presence of a lack of light can either be seen as the beginning of a rise or a repeating of what has already been. Another pair of words that have a profound effect on us are silence and voice. They are defined differently and yet they can also be similar. One is the lack of sound and the other one is having noise but both imply an ability to control the hell; just like those tricky substances. In-between the dictionary descriptions of those terms, though, are the unseen details that hold so much more. Each of those expressions has a personal emotional definition that connects our mind and heart through the moments that we have chained to them. Which ones do you believe hold heaven and which ones are hell? Now turn around and find a different truth for each. After all, hell will always find a way to be illuminated and the sound of silence has the ability to be louder than all the noise in the place that needs you most. How have you been using these words in your so very heavell life? Have you been aware that you have been feeding the hell by having a limited view of them? This is you and this is me. Sometimes we have that feeling that we are in the darkness when we are actually in the light. At other times we think we are being silent when the strongest part of us is in fact vocalizing itself in ways that can’t be heard but can be viewed. To be certain of where you are at though, you will need to look in the mirror to see the worth of things in the words that you say. That nothing that came from nowhere has always been something in the heart of the beholder; also known as you. If a word can hold a different truth for you as well as for others, then it is possible for hell to hold beauty, “f” moments to be fabulous and for weeds to be more important than flowers. The worth of things has always been found on the inside where what you do with all of it determines what kind of day it will be. Here’s to the hope that if you cry, the worth of things will hold both the light and the dark of pain and laughter. If you need to do this again and again, it’s all right. Just make sure that each time you fall, your view gets bigger and not heavier on the way down and in the process of going up. I am going to wait right here while you figure out the worth of things because while we may be similar, the details make each of us a different truth.
There can be a comfortableness found in the consistency of our thoughts and feelings even in what appears to be the darkness, silence or pain. That nothing that came from nowhere that has always been something holds a certain sense of safety through the repeating of our cycles; especially in feeding the hell. The fact and the opinion is that changing any of it has never ever been simple but just like you, it holds the possibility of so much more than what can easily be seen. After all, if you look at what it has taken for you to fall, it was never just a word, a moment or a thought but the worth of a lot of things that came together on the inside. What steps can you take in getting to know the light and the absence of light in you? What if in this perfect moment you were to then turn around and find a different truth for what you have always viewed in that familiar way? The worth of things is timeless and as they add up, they have the ability to transform dreams into fallen angels, change the power of anything and illuminate the expression of personal emotional definitions. Altering the way in which you have been going requires you to consent to understanding why you have been in that place. Going into the darkness means bringing it all into the light, through your choice not hell’s, in order to change the yesterdays into what has yet to be in the tomorrows. This is me and this is you. Addiction is a hell like no other but then sometime warriors don’t live in heaven or the appearance of it. They fall, they are fearful and they are brave one moment at a time. The beauty of you can be found in expanding your view to see that the weeds are as important as the flowers; a different truth. They are the creators of the perfect people to find understanding while recognizing that we are together and not together. If you are going to have a nightmare kind of day, then turn around because you’ve already done that again and again while going in that direction. After all, silence is not always the absence of noise, light can be a scarier place than the darkness and being lost can be the best place to find your way on your trail. Oh hell, those tricky substances and words had you thinking and feeling a different truth but as you are, you hold all the details to go through if you listen to the words that you say. Here’s to being the “f” moment makers who have always had the superpower to alter the hell or the heaven in any given moment. But whatever you do on the inside of you, the worth of things and those boxes of tissues are a part of stepping, falling and walking in circles as the heavell keeper of your life; whether an addict or not.
That limited view, both on the inside as well as from the outside, has a way of easily feeding the hell. Again and again it will bring forth all the things that have been felt, said and believed. Specifically it uses our “f” moments, not the fabulous ones, to encourage us to think and feel that falls translate into being a failure as a whole. Believing that value, despite the flaws that it holds, makes it simple to lose our way. Are you aware that weeds create flowers in order to extend themselves even into the places that we don’t want them to be? Do you realize that the hell does the exact same thing on the inside of you? Not only is it able to get loud in there but it also pushes things into the shadows so that you will accept a different truth; just like those tricky substances and words. Whether you are looking at a picture, saying or hearing words that hurt or just thinking them, find a different truth other than the ones that have been connecting with you. Because even if a door has been closed, what’s not there is your ability to keep that feeling hidden. This is you and this is me and words get in the way of understanding ourselves as well as each other. Sometimes its better but at other times it’s worse when we accept values from those whose details are not the same as ours. What if in this perfect moment you were to describe what people, places and things mean to you with the words that your mind knows? Then turn around and do the same thing with only the feelings that your heart holds. In-between those two places is where you will find the details of the nothing that came from nowhere that has the power to change the hell or repeat a cycle again and again. After all, if the words that you say to yourself are not balanced between your falls and fantastic moments as well as those two parts, what has been will be again and again. Here’s to the hope that you will be kind to yourself as you open your personal dictionary of words and feelings and get loud in every part of you.
There are hundreds and hundreds of feelings and words that describe the beauty of love. Do you realize that those depictions provide only a partial view? Love, despite what it invokes in us, does not just hold flowers or moments that feel heavenly. It is a tricky word that also at times includes adversity, fear and pain; the hidden details. Even when we are talking about addiction, love can be found there whether in the beginning of the use of a substance or for the person who is in that place. The power of the hell is then able to change what love means for us as it extends itself into all the places that we don’t want it to be; just as weeds can be found wherever flowers are. What different truth can you find for the word love as it pertains to you? If you have been trying to perceive of love through the details of someone else, even with similarities, it will be in conflict with what you hold in your personal emotional dictionary. What do you think about addiction as it relates to you? How does it feel in your heart when that worth is different from what others believe? When we judge the value of our details as it compares to others, we will often focus on only the “f” moments that do not include the fabulous ones. So as you encounter others along your journey in this so heavell life, their details matter only if they support you in using your details to lift yourself up to do this better. After all, sometime warriors are not created from the stories of others nor their definition of desirability but are a reflection of each individual; no one is just like another for a reason. This is you and the hope is that you will keep holding on to go through as only you can. Your words and details have the ability to change the strength of hell, again and again, for the better or for the worse as only the perfect person can do. Whatever love, fear, hell and addiction has meant to you find a different truth. One that includes the all that you have been and will be because once upon a time you were a dream and tomorrow is going to be the kind of day where you can be it again and again. Unless of course you go that way or that way in which case I will just wait right here for you to turn around.
While our minds hold our words that explain what we surmise of people, places, things and ourselves, our hearts carry the weight of the world in how all of it feels. In turn, what we are thinking and experiencing on the inside will then be expressed to the outside where it will be added to our moments as well as those of others. As in a cycle, the order of actions and reactions will continue to repeat as they work together to either feed the hell and or the heaven. That same view can also be found when we walk in circles or close doors in order to avoid what makes us uncomfortable; especially if that field of vision is of a mess. There are literally hundreds and hundreds of words and feelings that can actually narrate just the stories of addiction. After all, despite our similarities and overlapping, each person holds a different truth through his or her individual encounters of the “f” moments, beauty and adversity. What’s in-between has always been as important today as it was yesterday and it will still matter tomorrow; either for the right reasons or for the wrongs ones. The quality of the words that you say to yourself on the inside have always held more power than anything on the outside of you ever can; even more than those tricky substances. In this kind of life, the personal emotional definition of words has always been something that came from somewhere whether others agree or not. So what do you say in the place that needs you most? Turn around and find understanding for yourself through a different truth. If you have fallen then you are in the process of rising; in your matter of time. If you are stepping, what door do you need to open in order to continue to go through? If you have been judged by others, what do you need to forgive yourself for? If you see weeds, what about you holds the beauty of flowers? If you have failed to show up for yourself, what part can you now be there for? As you are, a different truth means that you hold more than one personal definition for each word, moment and feeling; a balance. It’s what you have been doing, though, with the anything and the everything that has been giving hell a different truth. I have that feeling that it’s going to be all right but we need to go that way or maybe it’s that way. Oh hell maybe we should just turn around and go in-between where the details have always mattered in every given moment; especially the ones from yesterday.
Understanding differing views within ourselves and through the perspective of others is complicated by personal values that are used to decipher the meaning of words and limit the ability to hear more than what is being said. I chose this painting for today’s blog for a particular reason. The simple answer appears to be that the picture is of a landscape but that is not actually what it is. This painting is the reflection of any number of things as felt in the heart of each beholder who views it. It could depict the trail of addiction, the repeating of what has already been, a heart, that feeling, a life that is so very heavell, personally defined words, a mess, a fall, hell, the journey of a sometime warrior, again and again or whatever. To be certain, it’s what you perceive of and then connect with that matters. If, however, you feel it expresses the things that hold pain, then find a different truth. If your field of vision is that it is the journey of a sometime warrior, find a different truth. It’s simple, no matter what you see, find a different truth. Just as this painting holds more than what is easily seen, as well as everything else in-between, so do you so find a different truth. This is you and this is me but we don’t always look like this; sometimes its better but at other times its even worse. So what? In some moments I see and feel the hell just like you; especially in the place that needs me most. However, the fact and the opinion is that within my superpowers is the ability to change what hurts into understanding; just like you. No matter what you think or feel, find a different truth that helps you see the whole rather than just a part. After all, even sometime warriors express fear through anger and believe the appearance of those tricky words and substances. But if you breathe in the balance of you, even the biggest “f” moment won’t keep you from viewing more than just what is in front of you; whether you have failed or been fabulous. What is in the quality of the words that you say? I am going to wait right here while you give voice to your hundreds and hundreds of words and feelings. It’s all right in a life that is so very heavell as long as a different truth comes from the nothing that came from nowhere in the place that needs you most. Otherwise it’s just more words whose values don’t reflect the details of who you are and how you came to be one moment at a time. In other words, it’s not what has been but rather what you have done with it on the inside that has given hell a different meaning.
It can be difficult to understand how we got here but if we turn around, there is a lot to listen to from the yesterdays. After all, it has always been easier to close doors, to say that it doesn’t matter or to hide things in the shadows rather than go through what makes us uncomfortable. However those things have the ability to repeatedly effect the building of our wholes and need to be heard. Whether an addict or not, what holds the strongest voice for you? What one word would you then use to describe that particular part? In-between what we see and what we feel is the balance of being destroyed and lifted up. It is the position where there is understanding that being lost is a part of the process of being found or just another “f” moment. It is the site that holds a fall as the beginning of a rise or a tumble into a darkness where light cannot be found. It is also the place where walking in circles always happens before steps or it is the repeating of today what has already been in the yesterdays. If you are going to breathe in the mess, then open the door so that what’s in-between can be seen rather than continue to grow in the darkness. This is you and this is me. We do not always look like this because sometimes it’s worse and at other times it is better. If it seems like yesterday, then perhaps it is if you are still trying to go through without all of your details; especially the painful ones. No matter what group(s) you belong to, a mess is still a mess and beauty is still beauty. What appears to be for certain is really just the beginning of what else can be found wherever you are. After all, that nothing that came from nowhere has always been something in the place that needs you most. Here’s to listening and to saying all that is required while understanding that the value is in the heart of each beholder. Here’s to the hope that as you go along your trail in a life that is so very heavell, you will breathe in both the flowers and the weeds as well as everything else in-between.
As the mother of a former heroin addict, thief, liar and manipulator for the hell, there is an “f” word that others have used to describe both Ryan and I; overlapping our groups. What do you imagine that term is? Has that word ever been used to describe you as well? That term happens to be a facilitator of the hell through the placing of values on stories that are complicated by those tricky details and or substances; while not seeing or hearing those things. While the intent of using that word is to judge the merit of the receiver, hidden within it are other definitions. Depending upon what moments and feelings you have chained to that term, your view will either place you in this group or that one or perhaps the one that is in-between. What we can understand, together and separately, is that each reference includes falling but what is not as easily seen is that some also hold the beauty of an unfolding rise or change. What is in the words that you say but also in the terms that you hear? If you connect with only the pain of a person, word, part, moment or messy room, then you are feeding the hell on the inside and the outside. If the real truth is that you have in part fallen, failed or are flawed, then consent to the other real truth which is that you are also in the comfortably uncomfortable state of change for your matter of time. You can continue to hide things and close doors or find more by seeing and hearing beyond what is just in front of you. This is me and I am an “f” moment maker that includes flaws as well as fabulousness. My personal emotional definition of those two terms and everything else in-between makes me who I am. This is you and at times our groups overlap because while the details of a feeling may be created and defined in many ways, it still lives in the place that needs us most; and we can all understand that. Every word, moment, part and feeling holds heaven and hell for us to find but its our view that keeps us walking in circles or fallen for longer than we should be. Turn around because what’s in-between is as important today as it was yesterday. I am just going to wait right here while you see me in you and you in me regardless of our stories. After all, it’s the kind of life where boxes of tissues are needed for laughing until our stomachs hurt, the pain that is often expressed through fear and anger as well as everything else that can be found in-between. See you soon. Love Heavell
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