This so very heavell life can bring unexpected experiences into our lives that continue to cause our hearts to hurt or even cry, despite the passing of time and or the moving of locations. Those specific features of ours can have an isolating effect on us even when we are linked with others who have had similar encounters on their journeys’ or find ourselves in a room full of people. There are moments when we need to be able to say how we are feeling, to just be heard, until the ride of the pain eases and we can breathe again. At other times, we need to be given the replies that help us to not feel as if we are somehow failing ourselves and or others by experiencing our emotions as or when we do. The facts and the opinions are that in any given moment, someone somewhere is adding to what that person is already holding or plummeting into an unfamiliar darkness where pain as well as fear will take hold of his or her heart. We can absolutely feel that individual’s loss of breath through the memories of our own encounters even when our stories are completely different. We have all felt the familiarity of that hurt, and yet its’ presence is so uncomfortable and such an inconvenience that we are encouraged to deny that we have. The real truth about any kind of pain is that it doesn’t take a lot for it to become illuminated. It has the power to take the small things like a thought, a memory, a smell or even a moment that starts out with laughter that makes our stomachs hurt and fling open the door to what is hidden behind it. It can become very loud and angry when it finds agreement or even conflict with others and it can also immobilize us with its’ force because after all, it is always enfolding us in the most unwelcoming ways just like change does. It’s no wonder, then, that we would rather be amongst our flowers and to keep door closed but when we give a significant look to what can be found in the weeds, often hidden amongst them is the chance, the possibility, of the most beautiful flowers that just need the time and the belief to grow in the ways that only they can. Last week I was in the audience at a Walter Trout concert. He is a renowned blues legend with several album and song of the year awards as well as being an incredible guitarist. He is also a recovered addict who received a liver transplant in 2014 after cirrhosis of his liver from alcohol and substance use almost cost him his life. During his recovery from that donation, he suffered brain damage, was unable to recognize his own family for a period of time and had to relearn how to walk, talk and play his guitar again. Since that time, he has released an album, Battle Scars, based on his experiences and the traumas as well as the love of his wife, Marie. In 2021 he released the blues song of the year called All Out of tears, cowritten with his wife and blues artist Teeny Tucker. That song was created in honor of Teeny’s son who died and how the loss of him left her eyes with no more tears but her heart is still crying. As I listened to his music and his words during that show, I was reminded of Ryan’s addiction, the battles for his life, the traumas of those times and of course the loss of him that has left my heart still crying today even when it can’t be seen on the outside of me. Despite the differences in our stories, I imagined the places that all of them have been to and how difficult it is to breathe at those sites. From there, my thoughts turned towards the beauty of the flowers that come from the darkness in our lives when we move our views to see what else is in the weeds. Within the loss of life, for example, the opportunity exists for someone else to live through organ donation. Inside trauma and pain is the potential for the understanding and the recognition of how suffering effects not only us but others as well and how it can continue to breathe long after it has occurred or despite a change of location or as a force in our “flipping out”. Take a substantial look at what has been for you because while what’s there might hurt, but it also holds the possibility of creating the beauty that is meant to be yours; the kind that can’t be located in what’s easy. Then take a substantial look around you to see that you are never ever really alone but rather surrounded by others who, in their series of movements, are finding their way just as we each are as we go through on our own trails. Take the opportunity to listen to Walter Trout’s music, especially the song All Out of Tears. Words matter and his expressions may be the replies that help you to believe that it’s all right to not always be all right and that eventually you can change it but only in your matter of time. Have the best day possible for you by being kind and safe within you. Love Always, Heavell
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