Look Around #214

When we are in the shade of our messes or those that belong to others, the uncertainty and the truth of what lives there can feed the hell of fear and pain, creating doubt about ourselves, and prevent the change that we hope for. In some of those moments we will try to keep our view on the favorable items that can be found around us, the flowers, while at other times we will hide the fact and the opinion that we are positive about being in the weeds and only pretending to be all right. Our attempts at having happy thoughts can help us hold on or encourage others too but in a different truth they can also leave the user feeling as if he or she is failing once again when what hurts is all that can be experienced in the midst of hell or if things don’t change despite those positive thoughts. In other words, finding good things in the darkness is an act of courage and strength but the application of bravery and power is actually strongest in our leaning in and breathing while saying that we are not or not always all right. How often do we really want the inconvenience of that real truth, though, when it feels so much better to be amongst the beauty of flowers? Take a moment and think about the times in which you didn’t feel heard. What details do you remember about those experiences? How did they feel within you back then and do you experience those same emotions today when you again feel disregarded? What, if anything, have you done to be home with those emotions even if no one else has perceived of you? Now turn around and think of the encounters where you didn’t want to hear what an individual had to say or to take the time to sit with a person that needed someone to show up for him or her. What response did you use to move away from what you didn’t desire? Did you choose to cope that way because it was an inconvenient moment, you were afraid of the darkness, you didn’t understand, you just didn’t want to, you shouldn’t have to or because of all of those things? How is what you have experienced similar as well as different from how others have encountered you? When I pass this way again, I can see that there were many moments in the yesterdays’ where I wanted Ryan to be himself as long as what that meant didn’t create problems or make me uncomfortable which was really the hidden and yet very loud message that it was better for him to be who I thought he should be rather than who he really was. That is to say that what I had wanted to be in the light was just his flowers, but transformation is about illuminating the things that we don’t want in the most inconvenient, doubt invoking and unwelcoming ways. Have you ever experienced others wanting you to be what they believe is suitable? How did that feel? In order to implement the change that we need, we have to feel safe with and have fondness for who we are, accepted in our distressing moments in the weeds, but that’s never easy to do when we are affecting others and they are influencing us. If you can imagine a place like this, then you can look around and see that change is always enfolding us while we are consistently trying to control how it occurs as well as who and what it entails because otherwise, we don’t actually want it regardless of what we say. If I could go back, I would choose to easily sit right down in those weeds with Ryan, with boxes of tissues, so that both he and I would have known that it was all right to not be fine in every moment of our journeys. I would also recognize that things like pain and fear or even doubt are really the series of movements that are leading us to discover just how possible we really are, but we have to move our field of view to find that. This is me, an “f” moment maker while also being a hold out against change until being positive about being in the weeds became a place to be home with in my so very heavell life. Take a look around at your moments and see that your application of courage and strength has you determined to believe that you don’t hold either and that they only live in the flowers when the real truths are that you do have those abilities and those things have never ever been needed nor found in the light. It’s good for you to be home in the place that needs you most so show up and sit with all that you are because it’s in that spot that you will find the particular definition of beauty that is meant to be created and held by only you. Be kind, be loud and be positive that weeds, darkness and dreaded “f” moments can feed your flowers just as much as they have been able to feed your hell. After all, you do have a way about you and so do your words. Have the best day possible for you. Love Always, Heavell