The Terms Of An Offer #199

It’s good to be home in the place that needs us most, our hearts, but within that site are our collection of things that can make it so we do not want to be in the position to assist the very person who is in need of and deserves our fondness. Perhaps it is our ability to turn away from the people, places, things or behaviors that we do not want that makes it so easy to exit when we are uncomfortable with what’s there or maybe it is our desire to have only what is fun and fabulous or it’s the belief that we are impossible that feeds the thought that it is better to close the door or even to be on the outside of ourselves. The real truth is that everything from the small things to the big ones, no matter what it is, has terms that are a part of doing, being, thinking and feeling even when their existence isn’t within our field of view. Those particulars, despite what we hope, never ever just include the items that we want because along the way in any kind of life there are always weeds mixed in with the flowers. In a different truth though, there are treasures that can be found in the messes and those dreaded “f” moments add to the beauty of us when we hold them with fondness in order to feel safe particularly when we are on a part of the journey that is hell. So what are the terms of your offer to yourself in a so very heavell life? Can you only assist yourself when things are acceptable? Or are you someone to you that is going to show up in all the ways that you can be found? In other words is your fondness only for when you are all right or are you able to remember to hold it when you fall and are lost too? Or how about that need for “I am sorry” and forgiveness for what didn’t go as you had intended? Or having the power to comfort yourself through understanding but you haven’t because the value of it is not in the terms of an offer for yourself? So let’s start with my moments where I “flipped” out, another “f” word, with my incredibly loud voice that has never ever needed a microphone to be heard by anyone. When our fear and pain speaks so loudly within ourselves we will behave in ways that are not in anyone’s best interest but particularly our own. It can feel so justified to do so but it’s no wonder why no one can hear on the inside or the outside when that noise is being illuminated preventing our ability to go through what’s there. When I was in that place of feelings, my focus was solely on what I didn’t want that Ryan was bringing rather than thinking about whether I was actually participating in the feeding of the hell, also known as being a part of the problem, by not dealing with my own pain. This was how Ryan and I acted in similar and yet different ways in that impossible cycle with only the details of ourselves separating us. It is also impossible to get someone else to face the mirror when you yourself keep avoiding it or justifying why you don’t have to which for me was just another one of my dreaded “f” moments facilitating that roller coaster ride in hell. While I still have an occasional series of movements that complicates the situations in my life, each time I have to remind myself to step forward with love always as I open yet another door to my collection of things in order to find the beauty that lives in my chaos. Knowing this about me, can you imagine why I consider Ryan’s substance use to actually have been the facilitator of a superpower or a treasure in the mess? Because of his fall, the field of view of words like fondness and forgiveness have been expanded to include their worth in the terms of an offer that breathes in my place that needs me most. What can you locate in your messes that can be transformed into your superpower or treasure? This is me, this was Ryan and somewhere in here are your “f” moments as well as the terms of your offer. The strongest you will ever be is not found in perfect moments or items but rather in how you show up for yourself in your weakest of times or eventually while holding understanding to get through. After all, this is life so the fact and the opinion is that there will be lots of unwanted opportunities to pull your own weeds and to fall down along the trail but there will also be love and flowers even when they are in the shadows because things or we are not always what we had hoped for or consented to. Be loud, be kind and be a part of the some who will for the person for whom the details of the terms of an offer was always meant to assist. Oh hell, grab those tissues because today just might be the day that fondness shows up to help you believe you can do this. Love Always, Heavell