Words Matter #212

Words have multiple layers and because of that they can be confusing in how we understand and feel about them as well as what we listen to when others say what they need to say. When we think of the word move, we view it as the act of advancing towards the next destination or something better but just because we are shifting to somewhere else, focusing on going forward, it doesn’t mean that transformation lives there. In other words, the process of progress most often includes having to move back towards our weeds where the things that are staying close to us have been defined before we can understand and add on to those items in order to use them differently today. Move and change are interchangeable terms that at times are just a step on a trail but in other crucial moments the details of them enfold falling into the darkness as the painful experiences that expand our view of the things that makes us who we are whether alone, in a room full of people and or surrounded by messes. Have you ever had to transform a major part of yourself? If you did, how did it feel all the way through it? Was it effortless or multi-layered with falls backwards and steps forward? Has it remained or have you returned to what was familiar in the yesterdays because it feels so easy to do that? My first acknowledged experience with the need for change came through Ryan’s addiction but it wasn’t until I was aware that I had to move myself that the power of being safe enough became the understanding of my walking in circles for far too long. If you can imagine a place like that then you can see my movement forward while remaining the same and never actually getting anywhere. The fact and the opinion is that in the process of my transformation, it was impossible for me to advance without going back and perceiving of how I came to be in that particular place to begin with. My fear and pain had a way of being unwelcoming to real change by implying that the repeating of what was familiar was safer than finding myself in a destination where I would feel uncomfortable and lose the person that I have always known as myself. When I pass this way again I can see how Ryan felt the same way about moving away from what he had become close to. To move or to change does imply our leaving behind the things that we don’t want, in a sense to forget parts of ourselves and what we felt about them, but it’s not actually possible to do that because whatever has been will always be with us wherever we go. To transform, then, is really about adding new details to our understanding of those moments especially the dreaded “f” ones. Perhaps if Ryan and I had turned around, we would have seen that the very determination and justification we were using to keep us in those specific places of familiarity would have worked just as well in our encounters of the unknown but when we are in the midst of anything it is all but impossible to breathe let alone perceive of how our words matter as a reflection of the experiences that we are living our rides with. Your words matter because they enfold the hidden specifics of you, keeping those multiple layers close, so that you can smell your flowers or move in circles or plummet into the weeds as well as transform your pain into what propels you into the unfamiliar while holding the hands of fear and courage. Simply be kind and easy with yourself with the understanding that both of those terms are more about the development of fondness and safety in the complexity of a so very heavell life just as to move or to change is really about expanding views on the inside rather than a different destination on the outside where transformation that stays can rarely be found. I wonder, if you could choose a word that matters to you, which one would say the most? Mine would be love because it illuminates leaning in to hear in order to show up for ourselves and others particularly in the messes that have been keeping us in the same place despite the appearance of advancement. I am learning to keep that word where I can feel it as an important part of my finding forgiveness and trust for myself in all of my moments that hold regret and grief so that I can go through and do this better. Have the best day possible for you because what has been the weeds of yesterdays can still become the flowers of today or even tomorrow with the understanding of why words matter to each of us. Love Always, Heavell