Beneath every word that the mind knows is the emotion that the heart feels as the definition of each of those terms. Below that are the moments that created each particular sentiment along with where we go with them. Those experiences lead us towards hope and belief or to turn around and connect with the fear and doubt that can be found there as well. The mind may understand words but it is the feelings in the heart that prevents us from stepping. It can be difficult to find a different truth but change does not come from continuing from the same position or from ignoring whatever can be found there but rather through valuing how our stories feel even when it hurts. When we try to hide or deny what lives there, it will find a way to be illuminated and we will continue to walk in circles while wondering why today seems like yesterday. Often others will express that they do not understand why the words that they say are not enough to bring about change in someone else’s life. I, too, spent years wondering why Ryan did not just do as I said so that everything would be all right. In part, though, it’s like opening a book and picking a few pages to read and then believing you know the whole story without actually experiencing any of the details in that place. Those particulars are what we each carry as the weight of the world and while the words of others can help, only each of us can go through with what we are holding. A friend refers to the addict in his life as two separate individuals. When this person is sober, he is referred to by his name Dave. When he is using a substance, he is called Disaster Dave. My friend does not know, nor like nor want Disaster Dave in his life. He wants the Dave that is his friend. I felt the very same way about Ryan in the beginning but no matter what I said, the Ryan I had known was also the Ryan I did not know nor wanted to. In this kind of life, that’s any kind of life, it’s not about being comfortable with what is easy but rather about getting comfortable with the uncomfortable that can be found wherever we are; even the BLAH. Things can never really be the same as yesterday, even if it seems like it, because while the mind might fail to remember or perhaps even deny some of the pages, the heart will never forget how each feels. This is you and this is me and we are so much more than what can easily be seen. What you carry isn’t just the flowers or the moments that make you laugh until your stomach hurts but it isn’t just the falls and weeds either. Lean in to hear what words mean for you and then change the power of them by saying all that can be found there yourself. Seeing the beauty requires a little more of you and what you carry even if those small things are not what you want nor do others. After all, if it only took words, you wouldn’t be here and neither would I but then again this is a so very heavell life and we have boxes of tissues for the moments that hurt and the ones we love.
This week a family lost their addict. In their story, some of the individuals hid the details of the addict and his death from others. By providing the green truth, these individuals believed that they were helping but when we don’t know what’s real we often fill in our hearts with particulars that are even more painful. In other words, always provide the real truth, in age appropriate ways, so that everyone may learn to get comfortable with what is uncomfortable and see the strength in seeking help when they fall.
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