We often hear about gateway drugs through the informative drug programs in our schools, other parents or on television or BLAH. The experts advise us to be aware of who our children are with and what they are doing. We are reminded to discuss the use of drugs and alcohol with them; giving us a false sense of security that simply doing so is the answer for the prevention of substance abuse. Every parent I have ever met whose child became an addict has said exactly the same thing to me, “I do not understand this. We discussed drugs and my child participated in the school drug programs.” Because my son was a good student, an athlete and involved in other school activities, I also felt very confused about how drugs had become a part of his life. Some of my thought process about the dangers of substance abuse occurred because I was biting from the apple known as denial. Others transpired because it had seemed easy enough to just say no to them. I realize now that I had really very little understanding of what addiction truly entailed. By blaming addicts, we have created a cycle that has prevented us from realizing that there are so many more factors on the circle of heavell that play a role in the process. By having a one size fits all box, we have failed to continue to discover all the parts that lead to the fracturing of individuals that creates an open door policy. What if the biggest risk for addiction wasn’t a substance at all? In order to become an addict you must first start something and then be unable to stop no matter the cost; no one knows this until it has been commenced. The knowledge of how addiction begins has lead to our promotion of the saying “don’t do drugs” in a variety of ways. Expressing that understanding in the manner that we have though has been in direct conflict with what we have long been aware of about teens. Adolescence is the age of invincibility that is fueled and ruled by those who are in it. When children are young, our voices as their parents carry the weight of all that should be. Once they move into adolescence, their need to be perceived by their peers becomes the bane and or joy of their existence almost to exclusivity. Their emotional definitions, their pain and that need to be regarded as suitable, impact the direction that they step. Once they have started something that promises them the comfort that they seek, there is the possibility that they may never return. While Ryan was on that ventilator after over-dosing, I told his then girlfriend “don’t do drugs” while standing in the lobby of that hospital. I still can see her face as well as her friend’s as we stood there. My words and the visual of Ryan’s life being facilitated by a machine should have carried the weight of all that should be and yet it did not. Why? They are addicts is the simple answer but the reality is that the key encompasses a maze that is as vast as the world and holds all the emotions every perceived by each and every one of them.
Today, I have information about a teen that I have known for all of his or her existence. The parents know me and are well aware of my life as well as my blog. This teen has begun the trail to possible addiction by starting something. He or she should not be here. Many people think that drinking is a right of passage for teens and therefore it carries no real harm as long as they are careful about it. Why is it so hard to perceive the potential fall into hell? Just because you survived yours does not mean your child will survive theirs. No one has a happy life and then decides to destroy it by becoming an addict until it has been initiated. Once they are in hell, it is possible they will never get out. Another complication is that alcohol kills over 90,000 people a year which is currently more than drugs do. Literally it can be found everywhere and yet we rarely hear about the risks of it’s addictive nature. Why is that? Alcohol is an incredibly common coping choice for the easing of the stresses that life brings. The parents of this adolescent partake in alcohol on a regular basis themselves. This adolescent has said that he or she will never consume drugs. That perspective reinforces the normalcy of alcohol in all of our lives. I have chosen to not betray the trust of the adolescent who approached me with the information of this nightmare that is unfolding. I know what you are thinking but it has never been that simple. Things rarely go the way we hope as I can attest to as a parent who was biting from the apple known as denial; just ask Ashlee, Taylor and host of others about me. I am also aware of the parent’s attitude towards the use of alcohol and the denial that hell lives there. Instead I will, through the informant as well as others, work to help this person to help his or herself before it is too late. No program or talking about not using drugs/alcohol or a betrayal or even the ever powerful knowledge of adults is going to stop the normalcy of this. I once spent time with a mother who drank everyday while trying to dissuade her child from using drugs. Alcohol may appear to be the lesser of the two hells by being more acceptable but that is a green truth; its availability and normalcy makes it way more dangerous. Someone once said that parents are willing to do anything for their children except let them be who they are. What if our routines are leading our children to repeat today what we did yesterday and that is a direct trail off the cliff into hell? What if the biggest risk for addiction is not even a substance?
How do you feel about anything and everything? Why did you ever start something? What if the very person you need isn’t available because that person is fractured? What if that fractured person is just simply you? What if the biggest risk for starting something and staying there lies in your not loving, hating, accepting or changing all of the parts that make you whole? What if those missing, hidden and or ignored parts hold the key to your finding beauty in hell? What if you could be just you? The things that happen to us and around us were never meant to be accepted as the sole definer of us nor as the only way. They were always meant to lead us to learn from them while giving each generation the ability to do this better. Yesterday will always be but tomorrow does not have to be the same. Take the hand of courage and fear while breathing in brave. Have you ever really seen just you? Is it in your best interest to allow people, places, things, substances or BLAH to alter who you are? Dear dream. I hope you choose the whole of you rather than the part that addiction will decide for you if you continue on this trail. You should not be here. My words will not stop this because it is how you feel that will lead your steps over that cliff or away from it. Breathe beautiful circle of heavell. Just breathe.
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