Too often we underestimate the fear that we experience from the things that may be or actually have been. Being in that place puts us in the position of being uncomfortable; with who we have been, who we are and who we will be. We tend to connect being weak with feelings of fear but as it is, it holds so much more; if we are able to see the view beyond what is just in front of us. Fear holds a mix of feelings that carry pain, regret, anxiety, sadness, doubt, loneliness and even the BLAH; as felt in the heart of each beholder. What is in that word for you? What have you chained to its meaning on the inside of you? Being able to have strength, of any size, when we experience fearfulness is another part that we tend to misunderstand; even though courage exists with and because of fear. When we have courage, it does not mean that we have handled or will manage the anything and the everything without falls, tears, anxiety or walking in circles. In our matter of time, we are both scared and brave in ways that are essential and valuable. To be aware of fear is to also experience courage; acknowledging what hurts or where we don’t feel strong. Step inside to where you are and have that understanding with yourself. Feel the fear but also recognize even the smallest courageous moments or thoughts; keep them together. Turn around and look at you; at the all that you have been through. Can you now see that you have always been so much more than what was defining you? Fear can only limit what can be perceived and changed if we underestimate what it means to be brave while being scared; whether an addict or not. Listen, turn around and see the beauty of the perfect person to have and to hold both while going through here and there.
While it is not easily seen, it actually takes courage to be in the places and positions that we fear and hate; even if we are a part of how we got there. Does it scare you to find the understanding of that? Are you ready to do so by treating all of you equally? This is me but this is also you, because while we are different, we are just alike when the anything and the everything involves fear; whether an addict or not. Turn around and see what both fear and courage meant to you in the yesterdays. Now turn around again and tell me what you feel today. What have you added to your personal emotional definitions of those words; and what do you need to let go of that no longer fits? I know that in the tomorrows I will step, fall and walk in circles as a part of the creation of me; doing this well and not handling every moment as I hope to. I also understand that I will feel fear there as well. So what? All of those things will always be found along the trail in familiar, similar and uncharacteristic ways. After all, this life is not an illusion of perfection but a what will you do with it now kind of place; the creator of sometime warriors by destroying us in any given moment. Will you continue to feed the hell or will you be so much more? Yesterday has already been done and that’s all right because today and tomorrow hold the hope of a view that hasn’t been seen just yet; the possibility of acceptance and change. Turn around and be amazed at the process of you; especially at what its taken for you to fall. Then turn around and understand that courage, often unseen, has been a part of every moment; though at times with unintended results. This is an uncomfortable place to just be in; but addiction, even if it is the loudest, is only one piece of it. I’m sorry that you are here but you can’t get to the whole of you by being, believing, or pretending to only be, a part. Let’s just be so very heavell together; one step, fall and walk in a circle at a time.
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