Sometimes its the point that we are at on the inside that makes things feel as if we are in hell; rather than the location of actually being there. When we deny or hide some of our feelings, we are unable to truly experience all of them. Can you be kind to yourself in those “f” moments; frustrated, fragile, failure, fragmented, fearful, faulty…? Can you laugh as hard as you cry especially when you are feeling pain? If you can see that something about you, then the words that you say will hold the understanding of all of you; and not just the pain. The creation of you is as timeless as are all of your moments, feelings and words. How long you stay in one particular part or place, and how it feels there, has always been within your power to decide; reacting or taking action. Step inside to you where you are and meet you; a perfectly, irritatingly, messy person. Listen, have that moment where you have the courage to dislike some of the parts on the inside; as well as the outside. Feel the fear that comes with knowing that you will fall or walk in circles in familiar and uncharacteristic ways in this so very heavell life. The real truth of you is a timeless process of discovering that you are the perfect person to bring hell, to live it, but also as the beholder of heaven; as you choose. When you go through what hurts or those “f” moments, rather than repeating them on the inside and the outside, you step into not consenting to any of it being the sole definer of you. After all, as you are, you have always been so much more. Being brave isn’t a part of illusions of perfection but a position that our sometime warriors hold; found only when in hell. We all get scared and this is the perfect moment to say so. Got heavell? You certainly do because it’s as timeless as you are.
If you had the ability to change something from the yesterdays, would you? The skill of seeing what should have been done is never perceived of in the yesterdays, as its happening, but can always be found in the next moment or the next in the tomorrows. Can you then be kind to that person whose view was limited in that place; on the inside and or the outside? Those moments, that are timeless, become a part of the expansion of what we are able to perceive of; for today. There is a sometime warrior who made it, last week, through a piece of one of her challenges. She had been unable to see, in the yesterdays, that she was going to get there. That amazing act was not an end to her particular journey but none the less holds value along the way of stepping and falling; or walking in circles. There are at least two other young men named Ryan in my life. There are moments that I handle well and other ones where their presence brings the pain of my loss roaring to the front; a trigger of sorts. I couldn’t imagine not always feeling that pain and yet there are now days that I don’t. I am, as well as that sometime warrior, riding the rollercoaster of a so very heavell life; on the inside and the outside. Have that understanding with yourself that you will not always want to go through any of this nor be able to do it well in every moment; whether an addict or not. Steps, falls and walking in circles are valuable, essential and timeless positions that help us find the view beyond what is just in front of us. The hope is that you will transfer what you hate into what you love by accepting and changing today what wasn’t possible yesterday. It’s all right to feel it all. I will wait right here for you to look in the mirror to see the perfect person to go through. The question today is what will you do with the yesterdays? After all, this journey is timeless so maybe tomorrow, or perhaps in the next one, you will view an answer that you never imagined as possible.
To that sometime warrior and her sometime warrior mom: You have found the courage to dislike what is before you; no longer consenting to it being the sole definer of you. Take it just one fabulous and frustrating moment at a time; embrace the fear and the hate. I am sorry that you are here but you are the perfect people to go through, as only you can, in your hell. Thank you for inspiring me to imagine more than what was just before me last week. Love, Heavell.
Recent Comments