Time to Feel #248

Long ago in the yesterdays, President Theodore Roosevelt expressed his observation that “Comparison is the thief of joy” with the understanding that we often look at the view around us and believe that others are living dream lives, a particular location of happiness, while we are the main characters of the stories where there are lots of fire-breathing dragons to battle and it’s not a joyous place to be. In fact, these epic tales of ours hurt, are challenging and are scary so why would anyone want to be where we are when fables are an option? In essence, though, that thought is like assuming that someone’s smile can only be an expression of contentment or that fairytale narratives have monsters that are easily tamed and toe-stubbing trips rather than falls along their trails or that by seeing a part of an individual means that we really know the whole person. I can honestly say that over the years of Ryan’s addiction that I wished for, prayed for, begged for and hoped for a different storyline which of course is a normal response to the chaotic and painful details that I never envisioned being on my pages. Who dreams of substance use as a part of his or her life? Yeah, I don’t know anyone who wants that either, but it shows up every day to all kinds of people even those who smile or have a life that seems magical. My comparison of my life to what I saw on the outside of others kept me walking in circles and “flipping out” for far longer than it should have. Ryan felt that way too which only encouraged him to not believe in his story of love, leaving that part of his narrative blank as he read and re-read what he hated about himself also for far longer than it should have. Comparing ourselves to others, however, does have a place in our lives but not in the way that we most often use it which is to devalue ourselves. It is actually a part of the series of movement of our grief process where we feel scared and angry about what has been and deny as well as close the door on those things. That thief of joy will stay that way within us until we take the time to feel it with the understanding that it is the step that is meant to encourage us to write on the pages where our story of love for ourselves is located. What would you say there? This is your rollercoaster ride, your journey, your epic tale and leaving pages empty and not taking the time to feel all that you are is what is stealing your happiness not being in the wrong story or location or falling or BLAH. For me, Ryan’s substance use was a narrative that I wanted to run from but couldn’t and I eventually became grateful for that because he and I found ourselves there. Yes, the word is found because it’s easy to compare ourselves to others and to want what we think they have when the real truth is that we are going through with what we have and it is powerful enough to slay any dragon as long as we take the time to feel and keep adding to our tools; especially in the parts of the story of love that only we can each write about ourselves. Have the best day POSSIBLE for you and if your heart hurts, you are grieving so find one thing that you love about yourself and take the time to feel it again and again and again until you find a new word to add. After all it isn’t just about the flowers but sometimes, we need to remember that we have them as often as we view our weeds. Love Always, Heavell