Feelings are the driving force behind all behaviors whether they are good or bad. We use drugs, alcohol, or BLAH as coping tools not knowing when we start, if we are going to be able to stop or will even want to. The more a coping tool is cathartic, the better the relief and thus the more we are willing to run from our emotional pain. When reality comes rushing in, so does that suffering, and more is then needed to find the release from it. When this had first begun, drugs enraged me in a manner that I never thought was possible for me to feel. Drugs brought me to my knees, stole my poster child, and adversely affected my other children; they placed us in hell. As the situation continued, my feelings of rage expanded from drugs to the experts who had said to talk to my children about them, to those who are tasked with keeping the drugs out of this country and to Mexico with its drug cartels who are supplying the drugs to our children. Eventually those feelings settled on all those who had an opinion or judgement and yet were not willing to show up to do the work that was needed; the non-believers. Talking to kids about drugs is a green truth. All of the parents that I have spoken with have stated that they did speak to their children about drugs. Just like myself, they were dumbfounded as to how they were now dealing with an addict after doing as the experts have claimed is the answer to prevention. If it were the answer, then why are we in an epidemic? If it works, then why would anyone ever start? Not stop? Are there really that many dreams not fit for survival? Just because it was the answer of yesterday, does not mean it was the right answer then nor the right one for today; behaving so is the reason why we are here. Happy people do not alter their state of being but unhappy people do; sometimes in secret. Talking about drugs with children and the consequences of them, is our opinion based on our knowledge. However, children believe they are invincible, no one knows they will be an addict until they start and per the experts, rebellion is a natural part of a teen’s development towards maturity. Do as I say not as I do makes us hypocrites. Do not lie if you do not want your children to. Do not lack accountability if you do not want your children to. I talked repeatedly to my children about not doing drugs. I, however, did not listen to nor understand that their feelings were the most critical factor in the prevention of drug use. It is their feelings that drive them towards cathartic tools not my words that prevent it. Do not fail to hear your children if you want them to hear you. Do not fail to see your children if you want them to see you. We cannot continue to repeat the past expecting a different outcome. Everyone listens to the snake and bites the apples and the price is our dreams. We cannot undo what has been done but we can learn from the past, by not repeating it, which leads to change for tomorrow. Every dream here and gone matters.
Yesterday I had lunch with a friend who has a young child. During our conversation, she relayed all things she is doing to help her son and to prevent his following the path of addiction that has plagued that family. She has him in counseling in order to deal with those life traumas; no matter how big or how small. She talks with and listens to him. She has shared her emotional pain with him as well as her traumas in words that are age appropriate. All of these things are excellent choices in communication and the understanding of each of their feelings. I asked her if she has shared with her son how she is now coping with her emotional pain. The pain in her eyes said more than her words. She has acknowledged her pain but she has not coped with it other than by removing the person who is responsible for it from her life; she is still suffering. How will her son cope with his suffering if he does not see her and hear her as she goes through the process? My children know that I made mistakes in this; huge ones. They also know that I am a hypocrite if I ask them to change, to do this better, when I justify my behavior just because I am the adult. We lead angels to where they fall. I think often about that police officer who told me to let Ryan go because he had let his daughter go. His need to behave today as yesterday as he will probably do in the future has cost him his dream. I may still lose my fallen angel in this hell but it won’t be because I had to justify my behavior at all costs. What we can or cannot do for our addicts is based upon our individual abilities and is not open to judgement from anyone; especially the non-believers. What we can do is work on ourselves. We can learn to know our feelings and their feelings. We can value us and them. On the circle of heavell in your life and in mine, everyone affects everyone whether good or bad. We can change just as we ask them to because we are all perfectly, irritatingly, messy people. Addicts and non-addicts are really the same because we all justify, judge and avoid the accountability of the things that the mirror sees in all of us. You are your guide out of hell and only you can do work while hoping that you are leading your fallen angels to do this better as well. Do as you say not as you pretend to do; never be that right because it will cost you your dream.
How do you feel? How do you cope? What can you learn to do better? The fallen angels have been speaking for a long time. They are dying because we behave today as we did yesterday as we will justify tomorrow. We cannot undo what has been done. For our sins no matter how big or how small. Addicts and non-addicts are the same. The circle of heavell. Tricks are not just for drugs. The snake speaks. Mirror, mirror just tell the truth because every dream matters. I scream, you scream, we all scream and nothing changes. The green truths.
Recent Comments