Our moments, along with the influence of others, is how we add our personal feelings to words to make them our own. Each and every word is then a part of our connection to others or what separates us and at other times can overlap our groups. How do you feel about the word substances? Is the knowledge of others different than your own? Based upon the values that you have placed on those materials, you are joined with the others who also agree with that designation. Located in the other groups are those with the exact opposite opinion and then the ones that hold everything else in-between. What if you were trying to get someone to be a part of your group but his or her personal definition did not hold the same view? How can understanding be found if we don’t feel the same about a variety of things; especially those parts that involve hurt and fear? The answer lies in the details that we most often are unaware of or don’t even listen to. After all, we don’t have to be in the same group, nor have the same moments, in order to recognize a feeling and then know what that means to the place that needs us most. Messy rooms hold more than what can be seen on the surface. In the clutter there are things that need to be put in the right location and others that should be discarded, donated or recycled. There can be items that bring tears of laughter and or pain from the memories that they hold. Also breathing in those rooms is a sense of exasperation, being overwhelmed, no idea where to start and even an “f” word or two or three. Now change the title of the group from messy rooms to addicts and you will find all the same things on the inside. Now turn around and replace addicts with substances. Even substances have initially held fond memories before changing into a mess; they are tricky like that. This is you and this is me and we are not always like this; sometimes its worse and in other moments its better. Hurt and fear, often expressed through anger, leads us to believe that only our group(s) can perceive of us. The details are important, however, because while they separate us, they also bring us together and overlap us when we recognize that a title or a part is just a green truth; whether an addict or not. Those details provide us the understanding of the view beyond what is just in front while facilitating us to step into change. I’m going to wait right here while you recognize me in you and you in me because of the details; similar and different while together and not together. In this kind of life, the details may make words our own but a mess on the inside is still a mess regardless of where it can be found. Here’s to listening as the details find their voice rather than just shutting the door again and again.
My personal definition of substances was very limited when I was young and the word addiction meant nothing to me. My view grew slightly when my ex-husband began using on a consistent basis. When Ryan became involved with drugs I did not understand what it meant for him because of what I had personally defined as substances and the uses of them; my moments versus his. What was your perception of substances and addiction in the yesterdays? How has it changed today? Even though we were in different groups, what Ryan and I had in common in his addiction was the word lost. We stood on opposite sides while believing the greatest value lay within our personal definition. That controversary pushed the similarity into the shadows making it impossible to see and to listen to what would have created steps towards understanding each other. Imagine while lost on a trail you encounter another lost person. Initially you both cry tears of happiness because you are not alone; whether an addict or not. Then the two of you begin to discuss the details of how each of you went missing. As those little boxes of feelings find their voice, each of you get louder and louder trying to convince the other of the greater value of what has been. The two of you then part ways because of the details. Each are now alone and shedding tears of anger from the fear and the pain as well as that feeling of not being understood. What is in the words that you say but also what is in the words that you hear? Do you place values on others that come from your details rather than actually from those who hold the stories? Are you trying to get someone to join your group instead of seeing that the overlapping holds the key to understanding; regardless of the details or values? This is me an “f” moment maker who has been lost while getting loud with my pain and fear. I don’t always look like this because even as I have fallen, I have also walked in circles and stepped again and again. This was also Ryan as he held that nothing that came from nowhere in the place that needed him most. I wanted him to go that way because he had lost himself by going the other way but his view had been different than mine was. However the more he gave voice to his story without my personal definitions and values, the more he was able to go through exactly where he needed to. In his matter of time, he was the one who eventually found the beauty that existed wherever he was; changing the power of the hell that he had defined on the inside. Say what words mean to you and how they came to hold all that they do. Even if those details appear to show only the differences with others, the real truth is that we are often just alike; whether an addict or not. After all, we are the perfect people to turn around to listen to what can’t be seen. Oh hell it all matters because a part can never equal a whole no matter what anyone else says. If you are going to breathe in the mess, then also feel the details of how your flowers grow amongst the weeds. Unless of course you continue to go that way because the details are limiting your view of yourself and others. It’s all right if sometimes you are only holding the hand of fear because those details hurt. Got heavell? Of course you do even if you are lost and are trying to find your value. The fact and the opinion is that you have all that you need in the form of words, feelings and moments to find your way on the trail. It’s going to be the kind of day where sometime warriors fall and stand in a place that we personally define the hell and the heaven in any given moment. I am just going to wait right here in case you need some tissues when you locate the beauty of a messy room and a life that is so very heavell.
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