The Best View #171

The simplest and easiest perspective of any situation is the one in which we believe we have the best view of any trail. What’s not always realized is the understanding that in every moment, view or term there’s often a different truth that complicates our ability to see as well as to change things. Take the word help, for instance, and think about what it holds for you as both the giver and then the receiver of it. Does that expression mean to do something for someone because you have the ability to do so or does it mean to assist someone as he or she does something? Are there details that can change that answer in any given moment? What about the difference, the fine line, that can be found between helping and enabling? Is it possible to think and feel we are guiding when we are actually empowering the belief within someone that he or she cannot go through without assistance? What about the moments in which our doing and not doing something has more to do with our own uncomfortableness than it does with the individual in need? There’s no doubt that at times we all need the benefit of being given aid, in the form of words and or actions, but a different truth then is that we do not always have the best view of a necessity depending on our particulars. What we see help as being is influenced by so many things from the yesterdays and the position that we are viewing it from that it can be challenging to look closely to see if we are actually creating impossible or I’m possible in ourselves as well as others. In other words, we can feed the hell without realizing it even when our intent is not to do so. During the years of Ryan’s substance abuse, as well as over the 19 months since he left this world, there have been a lot of people who have “helped” me. Unfortunately some of that assistance has left me feeling impossible and alone in a nightmare whether my “helpers” have realized that or not. As I turn around and look in the mirror, I can see that my aiding of others, including Ryan, probably left them feeling in similar and different ways about what it means to need and then to receive help versus what I provided. After all, even if you are the parent of an addict, how you are experiencing that position may be completely different from what my own encounter was or as an addict what can be found there for you is not what Ryan’s held for him despite the connections that we share. Someone once said to me “Are there really any words that can be said or actions that can be done in order to help you?” Of course that was that person’s best view or opinion about my particular situation but it still holds some real truth or fact even though I hate that it does. Just like an addict, I am the only one who can actually find and use the best view in order to go through in my kind of life in my matter of time. So what can we say and do so that we don’t encourage walking in circles or facilitate the belief of impossible in what already feels unimaginable? It starts with understanding the details of what terms mean to us as well as for others so that we can lean in to hear how we can truly help the position that is in need of assistance. Sometimes, though, the real truth is that all we can do is wait right here because there are no words or actions that will make what is our best view feel all right in someone else. This is you and me as we make messes and have fabulous moments. We are together and yet if we look closely, we are not together because our particulars are complicated, uncomfortable and at times hurt. What you do with your “f” moments, fear and weeds is far more important than any flower will ever be in a life that is so very heavell and where boxes of tissues are more than just the place to catch our tears that come from pain. Have the best day possible for you. Love Always, Heavell.