Words from others have the potential to help us feel better, experience adversity or confirm what we believe already exists in the place that needs us most. What appears to be simple and easy is very complicated when we are living in hell. Adding to that confusion is the part where we can’t make sense of why things have happened; whether an addict or not. Imagine that in your home everything can be found where you want it to be except for one room. That part of the whole is a mess that has been created by you and others. How do you feel about it? Does that include being lost in how to begin to implement change? What happens if it becomes messy again and again despite your best efforts to leave it better than you found it? Over time, we will eventually hide, deny and lie about the shambles of a home, a part of ourselves or even a heavell life. We do this in the hopes that others will not see our “f” moments and use their words to judge what they have decided is the definer of us. This is you and this is me and we do not always look like this; sometimes its worse and at other times it is better. That feeling of being overwhelmed and the pain that comes with it is a good thing even if it doesn’t appear to be. That feeling that you get when you have fallen is another part of the journey of change. Oh hell, if your feeling scared it’s because you know you are walking in circles and that’s what makes it hard to breathe. Have that understanding with yourself that it is all right to be together and not together. As we are, we are the perfect people to leave things better than we find them even if it requires again and again and again. We can turn around to the yesterdays to make sense of how today came to be in the place that needs us most. So grab some tissues and get ready for the fall on the roller coaster of a so very heavell life. Those weeds and the messes that you hate are the creators of sometimes warriors and beautiful flowers so you might as well consent to accepting them. The power of what hurts can be found in the place that we are trying to keep from being seen; otherwise known as that feeling. Closing the door won’t change whatever is living there. Let’s just hope that as we go through the darkness, we will see it as a way to leave ourselves better than just the appearance of things being where we want them to be. After all, the hell, whether in the mind, the heart or a room, is still hell regardless of the details.
Fear is an intense experience that connects our mind and heart together even though each has it’s way of knowing it. But while we can agree on what it is on the inside of ourselves, we often do not view fear as the same thing that others believe it is. We can even feel panicked if someone else’s fear has the ability to effect us; whether an addict or not. We will then breathe in what we shouldn’t and add to the mess of that room, part or heavell life; rather than just listening as it finds its voice and way. After all, we are actually seeking agreement on what fear is from those that have been a part of how we came to define it to begin with. How can understanding be found if the creation of that word is not the same for all of us? The real truth is that the hell has always had the ability to feed itself whether we have intended to be a part of that or not. That nothing that came from nowhere has always been somewhere because it lives as a reminder that things are not always what they should be or where we think they are. What if in this given moment you were to understand that while fear is painful, it is also showing the way to go through? What if every time you experience a feeling or think of a moment, you were to also find the opposite view? By treating the heaven and the hell of every word and emotion equally, you can find the balance between the opinions and the facts because of and for you. I am me as a strong, sometime warrior who is powerful enough to change the hell and you are you, regardless of the details, with the same abilities. Now turn around because we are also the perfect people to make a shamble of a home or a part or whatever; again and again and again. That feeling of being lost means that you are in the process of being found. What’s not there though is your ability to do this without experiencing that feeling or all the other ones as well. It’s like hoping a room is clean just because a drawer is or wanting weeds to not grow in the fertile soil of the flowers beds. If you are going to do what I say, then get ready for the fall because you can’t change without doing so; whether an addict or not. Yesterday is gone, even though we still feel it today, but tomorrow holds the hope that the view will be beyond what is just in front for all of us. I am going to wait right here while you get your tissues because that feeling is going to be exactly what you think and feel it will be. But to be certain, make sense of your own words and emotional definitions. Whatever it is, though, it’s going to be all right even if sometimes its worse rather than better. After all, every day angels fall and sometime warriors stand and all of it occurs in a life that is so very heavell. Oh hell, I just know its going to be that kind of day as we move towards change.
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