Is there anything that you could say to yourself that would lift the weight of the world for you? Will you believe you; as the beholder of your personal emotional definitions? Or has it always been easier to have and to hold only some words; especially the hell ones? This is you and there has always been something about you as an essential part of the circle of heavell. We each have our matter of time to be defined by those moments or parts that are within us. What has been done cannot be undone but it need not remain as the strongest piece by finding the understanding for it; and then not repeating it into the tomorrows. If we look outside of ourselves for relief we are failing to love, hate, accept or change every part of ourselves; despite being the perfect people to do so. When the heaven is in the anything or the everything, we don’t see or feel the need to go through; as we breath in those heavenly expectations. Hell, however, will always be close by so that we may perceive of more than what is right in front of us; as the creator of sometime warriors and superpowers. This is you finding the understanding of and for you through a life that is so very heavell; whether an addict or not. What if in this moment, you gave yourself permission to feel your words as an expression of the place that you are at; especially if you are in hell? If you are in pain, also known as hurt, fear and anger, what words will you say to yourself to be aware of the whole of you? Or will you only listen when they come from the outside of yourself; words that are expressed by others? There is something about you that only you can give a voice to but more importantly that you, yourself, need to listen to. As the heavell keeper of your life you hold the key, the consent, to doing this better today than you did yesterday. You are the perfect person to bring hell but there has always been something about you that is so heaven. Go through here and there as a perfectly, irritatingly, messy person walking in circles, falling and stepping along your trail. You should be here because no one else is who you are.
One of the most heavell words in our vocabulary is the word consent; giving or denying permission to do something. It’s easy enough to think of several different moments in which that word would need to be used; ranging from heaven to hell. Anton, this year’s Hug Train Master, brought that word to my attention after I met him at the Amtrak Station; in Tucson last week. They have rules of consent when giving free hugs to others while traveling along their trail in the United States. I even, in part, consented to them representing Ryan; giving permission for them to honor him. How often do you give consent, knowingly or unknowingly, on the inside; as well as the outside? If you react in anger or with substance abuse, this is you giving consent to the hell becoming the strongest part. If you look to the outside of yourself for relief, this is you consenting to the fracturing of yourself. Even in those moments that I have found myself needing or wanting to be in my little boxes of feelings, I was consenting to not treating the heaven and the hell equally. Regardless of where you are or the people, places and things, you will always take the all of you with you. Can you consent to be there for you; especially in the moments that you fall? It’s all right that you have forgotten who you are; hell can do that to even the strongest of sometime warriors. The hope is that you will take the hand of fear and that of courage and breathe in brave. It matters not, though, what words mean to me but what you do with how yours feel in your heart; as the beholder of all that has been for you. What if in this perfect moment you chose to no longer consent to feeding the hell? Please hold on because there’s something about you that the circle of heavell has always needed and wanted.
Thank you Arie and Anton @hugtrainusa for promoting understanding, in the United States, for mental health and substance abuse awareness. Through your hugs, the weight of the world has been lifted; at the very least for a moment. Thank you also for consenting to share your time with me in Tucson and with Ashlee in New Orleans; as well as for honoring Ryan along the way.
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