A necessity in this so very heavell life is the support that others can provide but more importantly is what we can do for ourselves even when what we feel is in conflict with that need. After all, when we only rely on what can be found on the outside of ourselves, those people, places and things, it is easier to not welcome the pain but instead to hide it so as not to appear to be flawed. As with all types of adversity though, there will always be a matter of time when others cannot provide the comfort and relief that we hope for from them. So what? When others distance themselves, what we often breathe in is the belief that it is justified because of who we are rather than it being because of who they are. If we believe it is because of us, whether an addict or not, then it becomes simple enough to step towards not being there for ourselves as well; to connect to the group that won’t. So what? Just like having a messy room, if we don’t accept and deal with all of the parts of ourselves, we will avoid spending anytime there; closing the door to what we don’t want to see or feel. The complication is that whatever we need to help ourselves can usually be found exactly where we left it in that place rather than outside of ourselves. This is you and this is me and some will lift us up in ways that we don’t always recognize or understand the value of. A different truth, then, is that some won’t as well and that holds just as much merit but also not in the way that it appears to us. In-between all that you think and feel is the complete story of you not as a part but as a whole who is made up of many pieces. Each of those will and or won’t but those parts and moments will always be wherever you are. The fact and the opinion is that the most fearful and courageous you will ever be is when you show up and fail to show up for yourself. What you do now with that knowledge is within your superpowers to either find the understanding and acceptance or continue connecting to the group that won’t either. Welcome to heavell where in any given moment pain can lift you up or destroy you, laughing requires just as many tissues as crying does and sometime warriors carry bouquets of weeds even when they are stepping.
Grief is a word that is usually associated with the loss of an individual and that particular hell but it also has always been a part of addiction although not for the reason that seems familiar. If we turn around and look for those who are grieving, we can find that pain in those who use substances, feel lost, have “f” parts and or moments or just about anything and everything in some way. I have been particularly intimate with that term on a daily basis since Ryan died last year. What I realized more recently, though, is that I had been experiencing that expression on and off for years long before he took his final breath and he had as well. Whether you are an addict or not, a different truth about grief is that it holds the parts of our stories that hurt, have fear and even anger. Grief isn’t just about losing someone as it includes other types of losses and sorrow. In-between what the mind knows and the heart feels are separate but equally important responses to the weight of the world. Together and not together they are emotional, mental, physical and spiritual reactions that occur when we are in the process of it. What has that word meant to you? Now turn around and see where in your life you were actually grieving but did not realize that. How does it feel now? Often our view is so focused on a particular thing that we fail to look beyond what is just in front. Grief, like addiction or beauty or whatever word, holds a different truth for each of us that has been created from our stories. The complication is that when we close the door on the moments that defined those terms for us, we are helping to facilitate the hell. In this kind of life, some will understand and support you and some won’t. Some will judge you and justify their treatment of you and some won’t. Some will love you no matter what and some won’t. The worth of that is in knowing that neither position changes the value of you unless, of course, you consent to it by agreeing; especially when connecting to those who won’t. This is you, as you are, as the perfect person to grieve, get angry, fall and be that beauty one moment at a time. After all, messes are a place to discover what hurts, what makes us laugh and cry as well as realize that while “f” moments appear to only be failures, they are actually essential in the creation of you; also known as a sometime warrior who holds a bouquet of weeds while walking on the flowers.
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