When children are born we count their fingers and toes. We breathe a sigh of relief that they are healthy. The dream that started with their creation begins to grow as we watch them discover their world. We smile over their accomplishments. We proudly share them with our family and friends. When they are old enough for school we relish in their achievements and conquests.
We see our children as amazing beings who reflect us. We talk to them. We lead them. We expect of them. We do all the things we have learned in order to develop our children into the dream we believe they should be but what happens if the dream becomes a NIGHTMARE? A living HELL and not the HEAVEN you dreamed of?
What if your child becomes involved with drugs or alcohol despite your best efforts? What if you did all the things that the experts said to do and yet here you are? What if you kept your child involved and you were involved and yet here you are? What if you talked to your child about why he shouldn’t use drugs and yet HERE YOU ARE? What if you never imagined that your child could fall from that heavenly dream and that the both of you would hit the ground with a life destroying thud?
What happens if you have no idea how to deal with this nightmare? What happens if no matter where you turn everyone has an opinion, especially your family and friends? What happens if the only thing that others are willing to give you is their judgment and yet no one actually steps up to do the work? What happens if you are actually at odds with your spouse or family? What happens if there are actually people who sabotage you?
What do you do when you are lumped into the group “Parents of Drug Addicts”, are ostracized for it and yet you didn’t ask to belong to this group? Who understands your pain other than this group? What happens when you have a love hate relationship with this group? How are you going to help yourself? What happens if you feel alone in this nightmare? What if your ability to overcome this will have a direct affect on everyone? Your the one being blamed along with your child? How do you GRIEVE, feel FEARFUL and FIGHT all at the same time? How do you even BREATHE?
This is the story of my life as a parent and a lifetime member of the “Parents of Drug Addicts”. This is the brutality of my dream becoming a nightmare and how I survived falling and now live in HEAVELL with my son. This is my TRUTH about the road that was not on my map along with all the people who helped and harmed me and him along the way. All involved had their own agendas including my son the addict and me. I am a reconfiguring parent that has fought on some of the days and has laid down on other days. I have made mistakes, learned and been unable to deal. I have been broken and found how to stand. I have cried, screamed, bargained, pleaded, loved, laughed, been grateful and accepted my HEAVELL. This is about the work that I have put into myself and shared with my son so that he may stand and we are sharing it with you because ALL ADDICTS were once a dream in their parents mind and none of them, neither addict nor parent, ever planned on their dream becoming a nightmare.
I woke from my dream on December 27, 2005 to the realization that my life was a nightmare and I couldn’t breathe…
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