Our recognition of addiction is greatly influenced by what the fixation is and whether or not it has had an influence in our own lives; the manner, the time frame, the BLAH. The definition of the word addict itself contains both a heaven as well as a hell side. If you are a lover/user of substances, then you are a part of the description that is linked to hell. If you are a lover/fan of a specific person, place or thing, then you are the acceptable part of the definition that is associated with heaven. There is such a diversity of reactions and emotional interpretations in regards to the need or preoccupation of anything. Within that heavell though lies the commonality that can bring the compassion and the understanding that we each need as it pertains to dependency; regardless of whether an addict or not. Recently I listened as a police officer spoke about the use of the drug Narcan to combat overdoses in opioid users. That officer’s observation was that perhaps Narcan was fueling overdoses as addicts can now be brought back from the brink of no return. I, myself, have never met nor heard of anyone choosing to overdose because the ability to be saved is now the norm. Is that officer’s statement one that is made up of the green truth or the real truth? Or was it one that was merely spoken with the frustration of having to save an addict on more than one occasion? The start of substance use is a choice but the inability to end the fixation that the brain, the body and even the heart desires is not. Being an addict associated with the hell side is clearly not what any dream has nor ever will aspire to become. Narcan brings the hope that an opioid addict has another chance to find sobriety rather than the ending that is located within an overdose. Every dream matters, whether here or not, because each carries or has carried the beauty of heaven as well as that of hell; as perceived by those who carry those dreams within their hearts.
What is in your words that you say to yourself as well as to others? By thinking about the things that we are engrossed in, it is possible to find a connection through the similarities that each of us feels about anything and everything. Part of the hell of addiction is found in the separation of those perceptions and needs that are carried within the heart of the addict versus those within a non-addict. Depending on what your emotional definitions are, you will view those things as either heaven or hell but that may not be how someone else sees them. Take whatever thing is most important to you and replace it with substances. How do you feel now? What do you think your addict feels? There are things that help me just be in life and while they are different from what Ryan chose to cope with, we both located the connection that we were each in need of. Substances bring the false promise that what is on the inside can be fixed or dulled by that which is on the outside. Over time the comfortableness of that coping becomes a way of just being. One of the greatest moments in my life occurred years ago when Ryan had been on a ventilator for several days after overdosing. My ex-father-in-law had arrived from out of state to provide support for my ex-husband and also for me. As soon as he had walked into the hospital, he had wrapped me in a bear hug that lifted the weight of the world for me. In my darkest hour, I had needed that someone or that something to bring me relief from all that was transpiring on the inside; no one could see it on the outside through my illusions of perfection. It took years for me to grasp the beauty of that heavenly gift that came that day. Ryan has been associated with the description of hell that is defined by being an addict of substances. I have been linked to the acceptable version of it known as heaven. We are both, though, a circle of heavell because I am more than the mother of an addict and he is more than just an addict.
The real truth about addiction is that it contains both heaven and hell not only in the dictionary but in life as well; your emotional definitions are the key. Yesterday will always be a part of each of us but as of today, none of us can ever be that exact person again because the moments keep accumulating; the traumas, the gifts, the “f” times and even the BLAHS. If I were you, I would see what in the mirror? Lend me your feelings and I will lend you mine so that we may understand each other through the similarities. Take the hand of courage as well as that of fear and breathe in brave. You are the perfect person to love all of you. You are also the perfect person to perceive of others in their darkest hour; whether an addict or not. What will you do with the knowledge of you? Life has a no return policy because tomorrow is waiting for you. Just go through with the hope that, no matter where you are on the circle of heavell, beauty can be found there.
Recent Comments