The hell and or addiction are not just the results of feelings, perceptions or the BLAH but instead are a part of existing in a life that is so very heavell. We consent to them being the strongest parts in our lives; just waiting for the perfect moment for us to turn around or fall. Even in those moments that we are able to breathe, we know they are always near by; through our having and holding pain as well as fear. What is your personal emotional definition of either one? How do you feel in your heart when you say what they mean to you? One of the ways in which we cope through either place is by walking in circles; repeating words, feelings and actions. In our matter of time, we will often stay too long in the place that we shouldn’t; whether that’s heaven or hell. This is me and this is also you finding our way in a life that is so very heavell. In order to stand, we have to view beyond where there have been falls. It has never ever been that simple to find the answers in only one place; because a part cannot equal a whole. You have always been the perfect person to change the existence of hell or addiction within you; step by step, fall by fall while also walking in those circles. This is the moment or the next or even the next to locate what is in your heart, your words and your actions. Listen, life on the outside will never ask you on the inside if you are ready for what it will bring; or even if you want it. However, the mirror, your sometime warrior and all of your parts are waiting right there for whenever you are ready to go through; as only you can. You are not alone, even in a room full of people, because you have always had it all. Can you look at you and see that you have always been so much more? Please hold on because it has always been all right to just be you. After all, as you are, you are the reason beauty can be found existing in hell and addiction.
Often when someone cries, we offer tissues so that the tears may be wiped away and the nose may be blown. That simple act of handing tissues to another, though, has the ability to bring hell. Say what? On the surface is the appearance of caring, however, those personal emotional definitions hold what that action actually means on the inside for each person. Some may view that being given tissues is an indication that the other person is uncomfortable with his or her crying. While some may feel as if their articulation of pain is being controlled; even devalued. Regardless of our intent, how someone else experiences our words and actions is an inside existence. Look at you and find your meaning, your real truth, of giving or being handed tissues; not the appearance of it nor the dictionary definition of it. Understand that others, even a room full of people, may not feel the same way you do. It is all right because you are the only one who has come together as you have; essential and valuable whether an addict or not. Your superpower is to take those tissues and continue to cry or to refuse them and just use your sleeve; or more importantly be the person who waits to be asked for them. Be loud in viewing all of you and be quiet while not breathing into your heart the words and actions of others. Look at you when you feel pain or fear because you are the heavell keeper of your life. You hold the key to what you do with all of it; just don’t feed the hell for longer than you should. Cry as hard as you laugh, exist in heaven as often as you do in hell, feel fear and courage but most of all never ever forget to look at you. I will just wait right here with a box of tissues but you will have to choose to reach for them or not. Either way, they are just one step or fall away from wherever you are.
Thank you Taylor for reminding me to always view beyond just what is in front of me. Look at you finding your way in this so very heavell life. I will always bring tissues for the both of us; just in case our moments are articulated through tears of laughter and those of grief. Love you.
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