Imagine a moment in which you felt lonely and lost; broken and fallen. No matter what others said, you continued to breath in a part or that moment; whatever was loudest on the inside. The voice of that little box of feelings then pushed the other parts of yourself into the shadows. What words did you say to yourself back then? If you were listening to that pain, as a definer of you, then hell stayed close by; becoming an epidemic on the inside. The power of that can be transformed into what you consent to it having been in the yesterdays and what it will become in the tomorrows. This is me and this is you pursuing a life that will always have and hold moments of happiness and pain; whether we want it to or not. If you have stayed in the same place on the inside, then it won’t matter today who or what is on the outside of you; and the tomorrows will be a repeat of the yesterdays as well. I will wait right here while you listen to the perfect person to speak about the view that can be found beyond what has just been in front of you. Be quiet while you get loud with the all of you. Believing, accepting and changing the power of the hell has always been found in what you do with it; in your matter of time and not one moment sooner. After all, as you are, you have believed that hell is strong when the real truth is that its weak. Just listen as your sometime warrior tells you what it knows about your circle of heavell.
In the last hours of his life, Ryan exclaimed “this fucking sucks” Each of us, including Ashlee, realized that any hell we had gone through would not even compare to what was before us in that moment. We each disappeared on the inside, in our ways, as we were being overwhelmed by what was happening on the outside of us. Listen, you don’t have to be in that place in order to find an understanding of what that held for us; nor to be aware of the pain that lives so loudly in any hell for anyone. This is me and Ashlee and that was Ryan but this is also you; falling from the weight of the world, known as the hell, as felt in the heart of each beholder. Listen to what helps you to remember the all of you; feeling both the heaven and the hell. Have and hold the rest as the things to learn from, to do better or to let go of, but never to be used as the sole definer of who you are. This is me, an “f” moment maker, a sometime warrior, a bringer of hell and the beholder of heaven; falling, stepping and walking in circles as I go through here and there. That is who I am. Who are you? Listen, the art of living in heavell means being fearful and or courageous in any given moment; sometimes doing it well and at other times disappearing. You are more than a moment or part or the hell or even what someone decides on the outside of you. This is the perfect moment to step into your real truth; for you.
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