With each passing moment, day, month and year, we conform to what is happening to us, around us and within us; sometimes in secret and sometimes very publicly. It is impossible to know everything about everyone unless we are with them every single instant whilst feeling the precise emotional definitions. That in itself is an unfeasibility as we are each the only one that came together as we did while facing and experiencing all that has occurred in our lives. It makes each of us the perfect person to love, hate, accept or change every part of ourselves. We have the ability to empathize with others, whether having gone through or not the exact same things, by recognizing the similarities of the challenges, the pain, the anger and even the love. Also found within each of us is the judgement of others when we determine, via our personal focus, how others should deal or should have dealt with the incidences of life. We then use that judgement to deny or minimize our roles as having a part in the outcome of others. The green truths and the real truths of addiction can separate fathers and mothers, family members, addicts and non-addicts into the groups that understand those personal emotional definitions. It has the ability to cause a single tree to fall but it also carries the resounding impact that can result in the whole forest being brought down. We do not have to be the direct cause of a trauma in order to be a part of the effect of it. It matters what’s in our words but it also matters what’s in our dreams’ words; and whether we are able to hear them or not. Do you know how the people in your life feel about anything and everything? Unheard words, filled with our emotional definitions, fuels the need to be perceived by others; leading to that vulnerability that can be detrimental to ourselves. It really isn’t significant if someone is an athlete, a student, an actor, a parent, a dream, a real life princess, an expert or a BLAH. It is important however what each of us feels and then how we cope with that knowledge. It also matters how the people in our lives react to our feelings. Knowing and accepting our feelings for their validity helps us to embrace our whole personal circle of heavell. It enables our ability to process through and release their control of us rather than breathing in the hell of them. The hiding, ignoring or removing of any parts creates heavenly expectations that are unable to help us find beauty where it is needed most. The beliefs of each of us speaks of the effects and interpretations that occur in our hearts, minds and souls of all that has been. It does not make them the truth nor does it make them lies. Being aware of our own and those of others makes it easier for us to communicate and support our circles of heavell which reduces that vulnerability. How do you feel when your feelings are ignored, devalued or over-ridden? What do you need from others? What do you need from yourself?
No matter what, none of us can undo what has been done because yesterday will always be a part of what makes each one of us who we are. Life is a mixture of both heaven and hell throughout the moments, the extended periods of time and includes all of the people we encounter, keep or lose along the way. Because we have it all, we cannot ignore, hide or choose only some of the parts of ourselves or in life. For my friends who have forever lost their dreams due to addiction, hell will always be the keeper of their fallen angels as well as a part of themselves. They will hold the hand of courage and the hand of sorrow as they breathe in brave each and every day while searching for that elusive beauty of hell. Hope will remain in the memories but will not see the light of day again for those dreams. Those parents will go on because life expects that of them and their families need them to as well. Their ability to do so is based upon the effects of each event within their hearts, minds and souls as well as the influence of others. What they do with all that knowledge within them has the capabilities of lifting up or bringing down a tree or the whole forest. Those dreams were and will always be an important part of them despite their absence in this world because the impact of yesterday will always carry forth into tomorrow. They are a part of the personal circle of heavell within each of those parents and as such cannot be ignored, devalued, or removed from being a valuable contributor to their lives in heaven as well as hell. The consciousness of those parents from having felt so deeply in their souls makes them warriors in this world as they belong to a group no one ever desires to be a part of. Ryan has been at death’s door on three occasions. During each of those events, the worst case scenarios played out that brought death as close as possible without actually becoming the final outcome. Those traumas wracked my soul with such pain that left me unable to breathe, filled me with fear and also contained moments of such intense sobbing that it shook my whole body. No one understands me better than the parents of forever lost dreams and yet I stand just outside of their group as mine is still here. I have needed their perceptions of me in order to process through the intensity of those traumas. The last two events involved catastrophic health problems resulting from his prior drug use. We will continue to work through all that has become because tomorrow is not a promise of life that we can take lightly even though hope keeps them coming. Pick your own weeds and see who follows. Find the beauty in heaven but more importantly locate the one in hell. Plant the flowers of empathy and communication for yourself as well as others. We have all been in need of repair because of those hidden, ignored, devalued or missing parts. No matter what, they will never be that far away so we might as well look in the mirror and learn to just be.
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