When our moments have involved the things that feel like the hell to us, it can make even the distant yesterdays seem as if they just happened. What do you hold in your parts that you will always carry with you; because it will forever just be? How does it feel today versus how it felt when it happened? What kind of “f” moment was it; regardless of it being yours or someone else’s? You are not what has happened on the outside of you; but it does matter what you do with those things on the inside of you. Courage is defined as having strength but that quality can also be found in simply making it through a moment as well as in just breathing. Fear, at times, can appear to be weakness but it can also help us to recognize what our personal emotional definition of hell is; guiding us to go through or even to avoid it. In all things, heaven and hell can be found but recognizing both and feeling both has never ever been that simple. This is your life’s journey so just breathe until you are able to step. Here’s to you and to me as we walk our trails in this so very heavell life; discovering the moments where we stand and the ones in which we fall.
It’s hard to imagine and then find the beauty that can be located everywhere we are; especially when we are in hell. It might surprise you to know that I am working on, when I can, what could possibly be the heaven found in Ryan’s death. I am, after all, well aware of the pain and the hell of it. The answers to what I now seek cannot be found in the knowledge of all that he was; as someone who made me laugh until my stomach hurt or as the person who encouraged me to find forgiveness in my hell or even as an addict. It also cannot be located within the knowledge that he is no longer suffering. By only being aware of the hell or the BLAH, we will continue to be chained to the pain, the regrets, the falls and the walking in circles. By finding the heaven, no matter how hard that may be, we have the ability to take what is on the inside and transform it into understanding; while still holding the moments and the parts of the yesterdays. What is the heaven of your pain? What will you do with the knowledge of that? When have you held the hand of fear? How did courage help you to make it through a moment or the BLAH? Be amazed that superpowers and sometime warriors are discovered only in the place that no one ever aspires to be in. In all things, there’s you and there’s me as the heavell keepers of our lives; going through as only each of us can in our matter of time. You know your hell but are you ready to see your heaven? Please hold on because today can be the moment that you have been waiting for; and tomorrow holds the hope that it will also be the perfect day to just be you.
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