If I Were You #64

Beauty has always been said to be in the eye of the beholder. The same then can be said of pain as it is carried in the heart of the beholder; who must endure it whether it is detected by those who are on the outside or not. Because of our personal emotional definitions, we view people, places and things differently, making it hard to understand what others see and feel; whether an addict or not. Our perspective can create barriers that makes it difficult to communicate with the people on our circles of heavell and those that are beyond them. Beauty, happiness, pain, problems or BLAH are relative to the person that is experiencing them and as such can carry the weight of the world for that person. Mixed in with those emotional definitions is also the normalcies that are present in each of us that have been created by the various circles of heavell in our lives. Join all of that with what our ability to cope is and the individual who has it all has been assembled. What is in your words is specific to you which means that others might not grasp those words in the manner that you intend. It also does not carry the promise of the recognition of your attachments to those words particularly if they express something else to others. I had wanted Ryan to just stop doing drugs once I was aware that he was using them. They were not the way I would have chosen to deal with all that had been in my life but I am not Ryan. I assumed that he would just do as I had said or just be as I had said; a belief that had grown from the power that my words once held as well as an expression of what I wanted. He had, however, become a person who carried things in his heart that I was not aware of nor connected to in the same manner. With each passing day, we add experiences and feelings to what has occurred in the yesterdays while leaving room for the future inclusions of what will be in the tomorrows. That development encompasses the sprouting of weeds as well as flowers which requires adjustments and improvements from within ourselves as well as for others. If we do not feel the same about BLAH, then being understood as well as being able to fathom others, becomes a daunting task. The definitions of words are easy enough for everyone to learn but located within the conveying of them is a vast array of feelings that belong to each individual; sometimes in secret and sometimes very publicly. The emotions on the inside can and will be expressed on the outside but especially if we suffer from parts that are obscured. If I were you, what would I feel about anything and everything? If I were you, what parts would I need to seek in order to be whole?

For every piece of heaven there is an equal piece of hell; with the perspective of which one is the certainty being determined by the one who is experiencing it, viewing it or speaking of it. Someone I have known for many years pointed out that we are not the same people that we were when we were teens. I suspect her reference was to the fact that she did not like me back in the yesterdays. Her judgement of me had been produced from the emotional definitions located within her heart. Hidden, though, within that discernment was the reality that she was viewing only some of the parts of me rather than my whole. We tend to focus on the hell of others, or at times just the heavens, as if that is all that they are; despite that being a green truth. The real truth is that it is impossible to be, know, love or hate anyone, including ourselves, through only some of the parts. We are a circle of heavell and as such we must treat the heavens and the hells located within each of us in a comparable manner; otherwise parts will be hidden, lost, minimalized, never developed or focused upon as the sole definer. What that person had to say of me in those yesterdays carried the possibilities of trauma, the influencing of others or BLAH because people believe the things that we insinuate whether they are the green truth, the real truth or even made up of lies. The intentions behind the words that we say also plays a role as each of us has the ability to lift up others or to destroy them as well as ourselves. It is always easier to see what is in front of us than it is to turn and look in the mirror; where the view of what we say and do bears the realities of those actions. That mirror also holds within it the ability for us to learn from the words of others while not breathing them in to our hearts. In a life where we truly have it all, the focusing on or building of only some of the parts, leaves everyone in a position of imbalance. If hell is what is felt, it will consume and grow while forcing heaven into the smallest position that is possible. Substances, people, places, things, the snake, the non-believers, the apples or the BLAH thrive on the development of some of our pieces and the withering of others. If I were you, what would I know about the people on your circles of heavell? If I were you, what would be in my words that I say to myself and to others? If I were you, what would I see in the mirror?

To that someone: Yesterday cannot be undone but today holds all the possibilities of the understanding of how we came to be; constructed by what we went through as well as expounded by our personal emotional definitions. The heaven and the hell of it is that your perception of me did not change who I was at the time. May we both continue to look in the mirror and become better from our words to ourselves, to others and from those that are spoken to and of us. If we were the same today as we were in those yesterdays…we would not be talking. See you soon.