The things that have already been done in the yesterdays cannot be undone but the power that they continue to hold in our kind of life can be changed. By turning around, we can view those moments, words and behaviors and then find the what and the how we can do them differently today. In those first few years of Ryan’s drug use, I was filled with an incredible amount of fear that I expressed most often through anger along with a lot of tears. It was a scary place that I had absolutely no idea how to be in and no matter what anyone else said I should do, my coping was an expression of that fear and my own pattern of behavior in reaction to it. In any heightened situation it is impossible to de-escalate a state of being on the inside of ourselves or with others while also experiencing overwhelming feelings and then managing them in manner that is not in the best interest of ourselves or anyone else for that matter even when it feels so justified to do so. I spent a lot of time, far more than I ever should have, walking in circles during those years. I even continued to fall in my words and actions well after I knew it was not helpful because sometimes it is difficult to be strong, to do this better, in every single moment and situation. In other words, whether you are an addict or not, some will and some won’t be a problem but we still have to hold on and get through them; raising a little hell by trying again and again each time we fall. I have a lot of regret from that period and while it was filled with pain, it also taught me more about myself and others than I ever thought possible. That view in the mirror, also known as the inside, was far more difficult to acknowledge and to say hello to than what had been holding my view on the outside of me. That is just a part of the hell and then the heaven of that period that is still with me today because wherever I go it will always be with me as well. It’s not there to destroy me but rather to remind me to keep working to do this better even when I have “f” moments in the tomorrows and not the fabulous ones that I would prefer. As Ryan would say “Be grateful for the lessons mom, especially the tough ones, because it’s where you get to discover how beautiful you really are and can be” Ryan had regret as well for his drug use, what occurred because of it and the time he spent in that place but most of all he discovered that what had felt so impossible really was just waiting for him use who he was to change the power of it. Hello this is you and this is me and we are perfectly, irritatingly, messy people who fall down while also being the beholders of our own beauty in this so very heavell life. What’s not there though is our ability to step if we continue to feed the hell by believing that what has been done in part will always define us as a whole. Give yourself a moment. a word and a behavior and find a different truth for them. How and what would you do today in contrast to the yesterdays? After all, we might as well say hello to both our darkness and light as each serves a purpose in helping us to find our way unless of course we walk in circles by staying in one or the other for far longer than we should. Be kind to the person that you are going through all of this with and if you fall, say “I am sorry that you are here” and try again. Do the same for the others in your life because sometimes it’s not easy for any of us to be strong in every word, moment or behavior especially when we feel as if we are carrying the weight of the world.
Today we are sharing the music video titled “Letter To The Addicts (Adele-Hello RidgeMix), by the talented artist known as Ridge Long. Both addiction and pain as well as our reactions to them brings us together despite whatever can be found in our individual stories. Lean in to hear his words as he shares his view and what he has perceived of from his essential position. Have the best day possible for you. Love Always, Heavell. Thank you @ridgelong410 for sharing you and your music with us.
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