A year ago I started blogging in order to help myself as well as others. All three of my children have been the driving force behind everything that we share from our lives; choosing to show that we are not illusions of perfections but are the truth in a world of green truths. Behind Ashlee, Ryan, and Taylor are six young people who profoundly affected each of them and in turn myself. It is on this one year anniversary that we have chosen to acknowledge them as the indirect force that moves us even though they are gone; just gone. All of them were dreams despite the part of hell that became the sole definition of them. They each found understanding in the valley of the fallen angels. It is a place where they felt they were heard because unhappiness loves everyone equally. The drugs that provided them with the cathartic release from their pain seemed like a friend but using those drugs for the first time led to another time and yet still another until it led to the end for them. None of them had dreamed that they would become a part of something that would never want to let them go nor that they couldn’t cope without it. None of them had imagined that it would take more and more to feel better as their pain rose, then fell, then rose again. They never realized that the drugs would slowly replace who they were with who drugs wanted them to be. They were also never aware that their individual voices, unheard in life, would one day join together to help create the change that was needed in our lives in order to help ourselves as well as Ryan.
To Matt, Kyle, Bethany, Chad, Travis and Amanda: Here’s to the laughter, the sadness, the fun, the mistakes, the choices, the desperation, the courage, the tears, the anger, the loneliness, the denial, the beauty and the fear. Here’s to the seconds, minutes, hours and days that you stood as well as the ones where you were unable to. Here’s to the moments when you consoled others while giving them a voice even though you never felt heard. Here’s to the times where you were in a room full of people and still felt alone. Here’s to all of your parts, both heaven and hell, because you truly had it all. You gave each of us the things that you were never able to give yourselves nor that we were able to give you. Once upon a dream, the day each of you fell, never to rise again, was the day the world lost an important dream because every dream matters. May you now have what each of you were seeking. You made it easy for some people to appear to be good even though you were always just like them and they were just like you. We hope that you have been able to forgive us for our sins, no matter how big nor how small, and that you have done the same for yourselves. May you know that even though death came to claim you, you will always be with us because we breathe in view of the fact that you did. You will be remembered always. With much love, Heavell.
We are all a circle of heavell living on a circle of heavell while effecting other circles of heavell. Heaven and hell walk hand in hand. In order to have it all, we must have both. In order to be whole, we must acknowledge all of our parts. Happiness is not found in illusions of perfection but in how we cope with the all that we are. How do you feel about anything and everything? Those answers are your personal emotional definitions based on your life experiences. Use your heaven to lift your hell while holding the hand of courage as well as that of fear so that you may break your chains.
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