We tend to follow the most compelling or vocal person on the outside of us and in the case of ourselves, the most forceful or outspoken part on the inside of us; whether we should or not. The connections we feel within ourselves as well as the ones found outside of us, can prevent us from being whole. Through those focal points and or people, we can fail to see and use all of our parts found on our circles of heavell. By treating the heaven and the hell equally, we are able to continually work on and support the parts that are in need of growth and repair; while still celebrating and breathing in the ones that don’t. What has happened in the yesterdays will always just be but they need not be all that we are today; nor all that we are capable of being in the tomorrows. This is not a competition because illusions of perfection, the appearance of having it all, are the green truth; while circles of heavell, truly having it all, are the real truth. This place that you are at may feel like home but its what you do with the knowledge of all of you that determines whether you find beauty in hell or not. I’m not it because you are more than what you express on the outside or what you appear to be. I believe in your heaven but I also recognize your hell. What do you see when you look in the mirror?
We are encouraged to not dwell in the yesterdays and yet they are what guides us into the tomorrows. They are the foundation within us and as such are a familiar place to be; unlike our future selves. With each passing moment, trauma or BLAH, we add to our parts; whether heaven or hell in nature. How can we step towards those upcoming selves without all that has been? We are left fractured without the inclusion of the “f” moments, the traumas, the strengths, the love and even the BLAH; they make each of us who we are. If we, however, fail to learn from the anything and the everything of the yesterdays, then we are destined to repeat those behaviors in the future; they are the familiar perceptions that we breathe in our hearts. It’s uncomplicated to say to have courage in the tomorrows but it’s not easy to live when fear has been a well known part of the yesterdays; those coping skills. If your scared just say you are because we all have been at some point. Every piece of ourselves and in life has a heaven and hell; one does not exist without the other. It’s up to you to love, hate, accept or change yours; but never to deny any of them. Why do we look on the outside of us for the perception and the validation of the things that live on the inside of us; the weight of which is in the heart of the beholder? Beauty can be found in hell, even in the shadows, but you must seek it out. Take the hand of fear as well as the hand of courage and breathe in brave. Hope makes the learning of lessons and change possible; if not today then in the tomorrows. How can we do this well enough for others if we are not going to do this well enough for ourselves? A tree can bring down or lift up the forest in the same way that a part can effect or be effected by a whole; whether an addict or not. Got Heavell?
Ashlee, in her simple statement of “I’m not it”, has illuminated the need to give consent to ourselves, as well as to others, to be more than just a part or some parts; especially those in but not exclusive to hell. Ryan, in his addiction, has shown that our perceptions of ourselves, as well as those of others, are often the green truth; rather than the real truth. Taylor, in her ability to eventually stand up in her hell, has shown that beauty can be found no matter where we are; grace can be found when feelings of anger are transfered into understanding. The insight of the circles of heavell, provides the ability to learn from and support every one of our parts; as well as those of others. What is on the inside will be expressed on the outside of us; giving a view into what has been and is felt in a part or some parts. We must listen, speak and see as each of us is a guide and a follower; regardless of being an addict or not. The art of living in heavell is found in the recognition that just because you are in hell does not mean that heaven is not also near by; you are better together than apart. Come along fallen angels because you are a dream as well as a nightmare and so am I. This place may seem comfortable in its familiarity but it’s merely a stop on the trail. You have been following the leader but it’s time to allow another part or other parts to stand up to be seen and felt; give yourself permission to do so. You are the anything and the everything in your life; as such you are the perfect person to just be in your heavell. It matters not what I say because the real truth is that you need you; every single piece of beautiful you made up of heaven as well as hell.
To Kenny: Thank you for being my friend and my advisor. Your mad skills have helped to make Heavell a reality. This blog is dedicated to you because your words challenged me to see that whether an addict or not, a part, a feeling, a moment or the BLAH, all of it can guide us; regardless of whether the lesson is heaven or hell in nature. Thank you for your support. See you soon.
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