Finding Words #254

The journey to write a novel is often a very long one and along the way, all authors have moments in which their words and their creativity stagnate. In fact, the longer that they find themselves in a place of inaction, the harder it is to move from what has become familiar into a position that allows the expansion of their polarization in order to create the ideal experience for their readers. It is even possible for them to have moments where they don’t feel that they have what it takes to go through because essentially it can take hundreds of thousands of words in the wrong direction for them to find the right ones in another area. So, while writers use phrases to bring the particulars of the characters, the plot, the setting, the conflict and the resolution into being, we navigate the very same things authentically and although the realistic dragons in our stories are often invisible to others, they still hold the same ability to destroy us as well as “the forest” that surrounds us just like the make-believe ones in novels portray. After all, our journeys and the missteps that accompany us happen because we experience life while the details are what place us within an account or on the outside as the observers. Where will you find yourself tomorrow? Will it still be the place where you located all of the ways that didn’t work for you? Or will you expand your view and add to the terms that you are already comfortable with? You know those intimate ones that you have been carrying along your trail that are no longer contributing to your story in an ideal manner? Did you know that self-doubters assume that their words will be meaningless before they are even placed on a page despite the real truth that every term written brings them a step closer to what they hope to create as an author? That’s another aspect that we share in our kind of lives where we feel confined by our emotions and encounters, resulting in different types of inaction, but each one holds the possibility of getting to know ourselves better. You see we all have moments where our value fluctuates and some feel far worse than others do for whatever reason or no particular event at all, but it is still who we are and all of it is always all right. When we believe that our trails have to be sunny, free of debris and full of blooms because it appears to be so for others, we fail to find our specific way which means that we are not being authentic but rather flat walk-on characters in a story that we are actually creating about ourselves. I remember desperately wanting Ryan to “value” himself during his substance use years, but you know what, I was actually making him feel worse because there is merit in all the ways that we feel life not just in the fabulous or fun parts. I am now learning to be with every detail of me, but I wish I had understood long ago how important all feelings and things are in the process of our showing up for ourselves as the real personas in epic tales. Yeah, I still have moments where I hate the BLAH, but change is more about our finding words that help us enfold feelings like that because if we close the door on that mess, we are telling ourselves there is something wrong with us which will never be in our best interest or encourage us to move the plot or to embrace the weeds that touch us as life really is. Ryan, in the last year or so of his life, frequently reminded me to be grateful for the tough lessons and my response was always “Nope, I hate them!” but in the past three years since he died, I am really beginning to feel his phrase as I have been finding words to help me navigate a trail that isn’t what I wished for and sometimes throws me off of a cliff right into the prickles or has me up against a fire-breathing dragon that scares me. While you are finding words, be kind to you by giving yourself a moment to feel what you feel as a part of your experience and of course always have a box of tissues nearby in case there are tears from pain or laughter. In other words, it’s not where you are on the outside but where you are on the inside that matters. Have the best day POSSIBLE for you in all the ways that you live your epic tale. Love Always, Heavell