Turn around to the yesterdays and find the moments in which you felt the strongest and loudest reactions; whether happy, sad or angry in nature. Do you understand why you chained your personal value to those moments? Is it because they hurt or made you laugh until your stomach hurt? Has the worth of any of those moments been changed because someone else holds a different understanding of them; a separate perspective? How did it feel if someone downplayed what you experienced? When we look outside of ourselves for the acknowledgement of how things feel on the inside, we are often left in a confused state. It’s as if someone else is telling us what’s not there even though clearly it is there; because we feel it. Being unheard then creates a victim state, in a part or some parts, whose voice(s) will find a way to be communicated; most often in detrimental ways. All that you are has come together because of what you have encountered and then felt in a life that is so very heavell. Have the understanding that the value of what carries the weight of the world for each of us is solely in the heart of each beholder; in familiar and yet also distinctly different ways. If your going to do what I tell you to do, then get ready for the next fall because they will always happen through words, feelings and actions; even in the most perfect moments and people. Here’s to being comfortably uncomfortable with what is on the inside so that you may find the understanding and the acceptance of you. Oh hell, if you were to find yourself, each fall would be the opportunity to take steps in a place where we all walk in circles; for our matter of time. After all, weeds will always be found wherever flowers grow, sometime warriors are fearfully courageous and what we imagine isn’t there is often just a green truth. I am going to wait right here while you consent to show up for every perfectly, irritatingly, messy, fantastic, together and not together piece; also known as your whole.
The losses in our lives create controversary while the disagreements, especially about what’s valuable, result in falls. When you lose something, how hard and how long are you willing to look for it? Is that matter of time and effort affected by the worth that you have chained to it? It has always been easier for us to perceive of the things in our lives that are concrete; such as people, places, things or even substances. What happens, though, when the thing that has been lost, or hidden, is a part of the whole that lives on the inside? That place where any piece is vulnerable to confusion; from our feelings, “f” moments, illusions and outside influences? If those things have pain and or fear, we will deny, hide or lose what we do not want to deal with. It’s as if it can’t be there if we don’t see it or acknowledge it; whether on the outside or the inside. In doing so though, we are then unable to perceive of the beauty that can be found wherever we are; but especially in the falls. This is me a former illusion of perfection; what I wanted to see and deal with in the mirror. I have fallen in words, actions and moments; as well as having been detrimental. I have and hold many “f” moments that include funny and fabulous ones; right along with the hellish parts. So what? Yesterday has left but today holds the hope that I will keep that mirror close by so that tomorrow won’t be a repeat of what has already been. This is you, a circle of heavell, just like everyone else; whether an addict or not. What’s not there is your ability to go through if you lose any part of yourself; because that actually just feeds the hell. If you need help in order to find you, that is a strength. Just don’t stay too long in any place that doesn’t lift you up to see that you have always been so much more than what you have remembered. What has been lost can be found by one fall and step, as well as walking in circles, at a time. What if in this perfect moment you were to consent to stepping into you; seeing you the way the mirror does? After all, it’s easy to forget that superpowers and sometime warriors are created when they are needed; also known as “after we fall”. Whatever will you do now with the perfectly, irritatingly, messy and fantastic person that you are? Oh hell, let’s just get some more tissues because it’s going to be a comfortably uncomfortable kind of day.
“It is not our ability to love, to be loved or to make love that determines our successes or failures but rather how we deal with the controversary, individually and together, that shapes those things. See yourself soon. Love, Heavell”
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