Established #237

There are two places on the inside where our particulars provide us with the critique of who we believe we are through what we think and what we feel. In a sense we move back and forth between two distinct poles trying to find a balance with the facts of our lives and our emotions that have the ability to turn an inanimate object into something that we cry about. Even in epic tales, our connection to the fictious characters is in part because they give a voice to the clash that we experience as they go through their trials and tribulations with emotions and logic that are often in conflict. But even though we are linked to those personas whose enduring qualities are the ability to appear as we do, there is something that separates us that is not the easily seen differences of made-up lives versus real ones. In other words, what do those roles use as a tool when they are turning around between the two points of truth and passion in order to continue on against the odds? Perhaps you are thinking that it’s their goal that motivates them? Or maybe you feel that their hope is the key? Both of those are important parts of all journeys, but the answer is actually an obscure thing that is also found in all music, the story of a field, the chaos behind a door, a forest, works of art and so much more. It has the ability to appear in any form in any place, can be found when looking in the mirror, is used in all sorts of ways to facilitate logic and frequently keeps us on the edge of our seats in our desire to experience it. In fact, the definition of that implement is so extensive and colorful that it would need its own series of books in order to hold all of its details. As we pass between what we think about ourselves and how all of it feels, what is the instrument that has been missing from our process that holds the possibility of our being a little more unstoppable even with detours, weeds and falls along our trails? During Ryan’s substance use years, I had a lot of perceived thoughts on his addiction as well as how if he would just do as I say and stop using, everything would be all right. The longer that didn’t happen, the more determined I was to prove that it was literally that simple. I was in essence fixated on that particular thought which when battling things such as fire-breathing dragons is really like throwing a cup of water at it while expecting not to get burned and yet I repeated that for years despite what continued to be replicated. I believe that when we are in that kind of fear-invoking place, or any type for that matter, it becomes easier and easier to be caught between what we think we know, a finished product, and the emotions that help feed the hell. Over time, then, what we have established in ourselves roots us in a pattern that is more likely to ensure that the view on our rides will stay the same and the change we want will be fleeting. So, if our knowledge about ourselves or others and what needs to be done becomes defined by the dreaded “f” word known as fixed, we are leaving out the instrument that turns impossible into “I’m possible” which is the very tool that characters in epic tales’ use. Our critique of ourselves comes from turning around and viewing what has already been with the assumption that we will continue on as we are familiar with. That’s a place on the inside that those personas can’t stay in if they are going to defeat mystical creatures and in our excitement of their narratives, we don’t actually perceive of that movement. Ryan never envisioned becoming an addict nor did I and the length of our time together in that position was in part because we were both established in our thoughts about it as well as ourselves. We wanted out of that hell, but we never actually imagined what that would look like other than to have the goal of his no longer using substances as well as the hope that he would never again. Of course, it is difficult to visualize that as a part of our series of movements, imagination is a key to not only holding on but to transforming a mess. As I turn around and look at the yesterdays, I can see how change has always been enfolding me in ways that I love as well as ones that I hate but together all of it is a part of my work of art in progress that is only limited when I forget to imagine what else is possible along my journey. Stay curious about yourself as you become aware of what has been established in you and then leave room to imagine you as so much more. After all, characters in epic tales are the imagination of writers who always envision those personas going through and you are the creator of your story where you get to imagine climbing emotional cliffs, traversing through the weeds, picking flowers, throwing your hands in the air on your ride as well as slaying your kind of dragons despite those established details of your life. Have the best day POSSIBLE for you as you perceive that fixed becomes a dreaded “f” word, a prickle of sorts, if it encourages you to believe that yesterday’s moments have already established tomorrows before you have even gotten there. Love Always, Heavell