The experience of suffering is the most common theme in epic tales as well as music because whether a story is fictional or not or has mystical creatures or involves details that we have never encountered, it is still an authentic and painful emotion that we all feel with depth on the inside. It’s that honesty and truthfulness in characters, along with their missteps and vulnerability as they discover and grow through their journeys, that connects us not only to the narratives but also to ourselves. In some ways, characters in a novel and the accounts of songs as well as art help to lead us to find our feeling of hope and to see that our possibilities are only limited by what we tell ourselves when we are suffering rather than by what we are actually capable of. In other words, when we stay curious about ourselves or on the edge of our seats just like we are as we watch epic tales, we are open to seeing what could be or is possible and then the solutions to what we are suffering can be found in unexpected ways and places. When Ryan was 18, he overdosed on heroin and fentanyl and as his lungs shut down, he was placed on a ventilator. I still remember the range of emotions and how that pain felt just as deeply in my heart today as I did when it happened almost 16 years ago although the power of it has changed, and it doesn’t take my breath away anymore. On the 15th night of that desperate situation, the doctors informed me that Ryan would not be able to come off of the ventilator and I needed to make arrangements for him. So, the next morning as I stood outside of his ICU room, I planned to have him moved to a long care facility while the thought of having to eventually let him go played over and over in my mind. Afterwards I walked into his room where both the doctor and my dad looked at me with smiles on their faces and as I turned wondering what there could possibly be to smile about, I noticed that Ryan was no longer on the ventilator and smiling as well. The goal and hope had been to save Ryan and that doctor had believed in Ryan’s possibility, so he tried one more time to wean him off. When I talk about that particular part of our trail, I can still visualize the look on each person’s face and feel the happiness, the kind that makes your heart smile and you laugh until your stomach hurts because of it, as well as the relief from the ending of the suffering. The confidence that came from that big win stayed with both of us and as life continued on, we easily faded into it until a traumatic event occurred almost a year later in Ryan’s life and he went right back to using substances to cope, his objective, while I returned to the target of getting him to just stop. That was a cycle that lasted for years on our journey with all of the highs and lows as well as the feelings of pain and doubt that come with substance use, sobriety and relapses. As we all know, when we are in the midst of any kind of hell, not only is it hard to believe that it is possible to take the power away from our personal dragons while hanging on to a cliff of hope, but it is also hard to breathe in courage when fear speaks louder than any flowers we may have. Our better stories hold that honesty and openness and despite the different details, those things are exactly what connects us to the characters in epic tales and the songs that say what we feel but can’t communicate as easily. The differences, though, are that we don’t leave room to be curious about ourselves so that growth is possible for us, but we will for others or for the tales that we love, nor do we recognize that our own narratives express far more than just facts just like epic stories do and that while living our stories without everything being just right is scary and painful, that’s what makes them our unique, real-life, meaningful experiences rather than the results of an imaginative writer who could place us on another painful journey that we might hate as well. After Ryan was released from the hospital, we went to see one of the doctors who had cared for him. That doctor smiled as he told Ryan that he was happy that he was going to live, another one of those memorable heaven or flower moments, but as he continued to speak his face changed when he added that there was a plot twist as a result of the overdose and damage to Ryan’s lungs. If Ryan didn’t stop using substances, he would only have 10 years left to live. As you can imagine that was a fall off a cliff type hell moment that should have stayed with both of us but because the goal had been to save Ryan and he had been, that opinion and fact had appeared to be as impossible as Ryan becoming an addict had once seemed as well. In the last year and a half of his life our field of vision began to expand and we realized that when we leave room to be curious about each other and ourselves, what has been done fades from the light and transforms into what is really going on and what is possible. Ryan became the coach who taught me about his life, and I became the teacher who shared my perspective of mine with him and while it wasn’t perfect, because it’s not just about the flowers, our narratives together and separately became the authentic stories that we had always been capable of becoming the better writers of. You see the hope and the goal had been to save Ryan but along each of our ways the out of the blue wins and unexpected beauty, not just the sobriety, helped us to sit with the suffering that lives in all kinds of dreaded “f” moments and to know that they are only as strong as we tell ourselves they are, and that the feeling of vulnerability that breathes within them is something that we are powerful enough to change or even defeat. After all we may have lost Ryan during his substance use times as well as in the end, but we also discovered so much more of him on that journey that if his trail had only been an easy one or just in a field of flowers, we would have missed finding and feeling through those moments that made our hearts smile and the laughter that made our stomachs hurt as well as the tears that required tissues. Have the best day POSSIBLE for you and if you leave room to be curious about you, you will see that not knowing all the answers and the suffering are exactly what makes epic tales and sometime warriors so real just like you. Love Always, Heavell
One of the best feelings that epic tales, music and our lives invoke in us is the happiness that we experience when we achieve a goal and then celebrate that success. Having moments like that helps to strengthen our beliefs in ourselves while also providing the encouragement that we need along our journeys’ and of course it always feels good to reward ourselves for overcoming or achieving something. Even trees, forests and fields salute life by blooming after the period of time where a part of their trails occurs during a difficult season that prevents their growth. What, though, makes the acknowledgment and the honoring of each joyous moment worthwhile? Imagine if epic tales were to become a shortened version where a single scene or a chapter conveyed that an objective had been achieved without using the incredible details of the characters and their challenges, feelings, missteps and battles with mystical creatures that make those narratives grand. Would you still read or watch movies about those lackluster stories where every outcome would be predictable with a goal being reached? Or what if everything in nature just continued to bloom without the time that is set aside for rest, would we even notice the beauty of it or be in awe of its possibilities anymore or would it all seem mundane because of the lack of change? Or what if every song were to only express the highs, would we even need a variety of artists to say the exact same thing that we have already heard? In other words, if everything we desired were to happen as we want without the difficulties, would we still be celebrating our successes, or would we now find ourselves wishing for a rollercoaster ride in hell or even throwing ourselves off of cliffs so that our journeys would become epic ones that involve all kinds of things that can be the representation of mystical beasts? Maybe it’s our belief that if everything were to be just right or have the appearance of that then our lives would be perfect too even though we don’t actually know that for a fact, although our opinion has us hoping that it is the truth. When I turn around and pass this way again, there are moments where grief speaks loud within me because of thoughts like “if only this had been just right or that had been” Ryan would still be here. The real truth is that I don’t know for sure that he would be even if everything had gone the way that I wanted and certainly there still would have been challenges, just different ones, and who knows, maybe I would have hated that trail as well. What has been done cannot be undone and it stands as it is but the power of it does not have to stay in the same form if we pardon or forgive the weeds, our own in particular, and then use what’s there to be stronger as well as to do this better today and tomorrow. It is, however, always all right to not be all right in every moment as long as we don’t stay in that place for too long preventing our growth or limiting ourselves to a single scene or chapter when we are so much more than that. Change is difficult when our field of view focuses on the “if only things had been just right” or “I am not possible if my life isn’t just right” especially since that is not what we are going through with in our so very heavell or authentic lives. After all, it’s not just about the flowers because without the difficulties, the wins would be uninspiring and unimaginative but then it’s hard to perceive of that when we are in the midst of anything, or our thoughts and feelings have us passing this way again and again while hoping for a different outcome. A better story will always be the one where the details hold not only what went right but also what was wrong as well as what has or can still be learned in our series of movements just like in those grand narratives that we connect to. This is your epic tale so be kind and be loud but also be curious because it’s not just about the flowers, they fade when always in the light, but rather about what can be found in the unexpected beauty or the out of the blue wins and the shading effect that comes from the difficulties along your way that make celebrating any kind of success worthwhile. Have the best day POSSIBLE for you because it’s most definitely not just about the flowers. Love Always, Heavell
If we value and love controversary as well as the messes in any kind of epic story, why don’t we feel the same way about them in our own narratives? Is it because it’s others who are traversing in the weeds rather than us or is it that they hold the belief of finding courage as well as hope in places where fear and impossibilities breathe just as we need in our own lives or is it the presence of those mystical creatures that turns what are really ordinary tales into the grand accounts that we sit on our seats for? Or perhaps its’ that it has always been easier for us to locate the value of the weeds as an observer versus finding their worth when we are in the midst especially when we think that being in that darkness and feeling lost is the same as being a failure? Ralph Waldo Emmerson said “What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have never been discovered” and when we look at the beneficial accounts of weeds in the story of a field or a forest, they are a part of balancing and nourishing the soil, help to prevent erosion as well as provide a home and food for all sorts of creatures regardless of our dislike for them. If we then take the word weed and exchange it for terms that connect to us, like pain or dreaded “f” moments or fear or substance use, the good or useful quality of those experiences are harder to discover and believe in, but their purpose is also meant to help us find strength and courage in the moments when we and things become unbalanced. In other words, the difference between weeds and flowers is in how we judge them just as the distinction between failure and success is really in what we feel the virtues or lack of are for each. Sometime ago I wrote about an addict whose substance hell involved alcohol. Over his matter of time, he took what seemed impossible and changed it into “I’m possible” The short narrative is that he now refers to his substance use as his having been a professional drinker who no longer does so rather than using the phrase that he is an alcoholic/addict. The understanding about that darkness is still there in his words but the power of it has become his strength as well as providing him the ability to laugh until his stomach hurts about what has been. His story is about overcoming something while having to fight mystical creatures, also known as the pain within himself, along the way and while there hasn’t been crowds of people on the edge of their seats observing his journey, the value of it is still grand because he has been able to pardon the weeds in order to use them to nourish himself and find his way home to the place that needs him most. What person, place, thing or fictional character would you choose to be you in your epic tale? How would your choice handle the controversary and the messes that can be found on your trail? Would that option be strong and courageous in every moment with a predictable outcome, or would your particular storyline be authentic and grand through emotions and terms that at times reflect the fear and the doubt that live in the weeds and within us even though we hate what they say and how we feel when in the midst of all of that? Words matter not just because they hold the details of what has been but as an expression of our belief or value of those things and when they remain in a limited view, they prevent us from being able to pardon the weeds or transform by using them to feed our strength and courage along what are really so very heavell lives not predictable ones. After all, foreseeable storylines wouldn’t be worth noticing, don’t hold feelings of hope nor have they ever been what makes a tale epic, but weeds in all sorts of forms have always had an important presence in those narratives as well as the stories of fields, forests and our lives. Have the best day POSSIBLE for you and when you pass this way again, pardon the weeds this time because their unseen virtues are meant to be the out of the blue wins that nourish the place that needs you most just in unexpected ways that you didn’t imagine were POSSIBLE. Oh, hell sometime warriors love epic tales and so do we. Love Always, Heavell
Our words may hold the shading effect of our experiences, but we are not limited to what has been living there nor how it has felt. A part of changing ourselves is found in transforming how we have viewed our terms as they relate to and reflect what we believe about ourselves. For example, flowers can be the symbol for the wins in our lives while weeds can be the example for what hasn’t gone right, or a tree can be an individual while a forest is a family, friends and or a community. The idea of those items helps us to visualize ourselves as well as our moments and just as their rides take them through the processes of becoming, fading and moving again, the reverberations of our encounters do the same thing depending upon what we keep our focus on as well as what our expectations of just right are. What makes epic tales grand is the characters and their adventures along the way but if we removed the specific details and the symbolism that provides the imagery, those narratives would still be the stories of the kind of lives where individuals are experiencing failures and wins on their journeys, just like us, although without the exciting presence of mystical creatures. It’s that authenticity of the characters that we understand, connect to and love even when a storyline involves fantastically made-up things. After all, a dragon in an account could actually be the representation of the power of emotions like fear or anger and our need to defeat the control either has on us, or it could be the example of the strength that addiction has and how impossible it feels to overcome it in another. In other words, our dreaded “f” moments that feel like the weight of the world and feed the hell in us can be viewed as weeds in a different truth, where they are an important part of the process leading to positive outcomes that are not always just right and rarely in the time that we would like. In the picture with the blog today, do you see a person, place or thing? Are you able to see something other than what you initially thought of? Could it be an example of a sometime warrior in the weeds? Or are you only focused on what you believe is failed in the illustration? Words matter in the telling of epic tales because of what they invoke in us just as they do in our very own storylines. The limitations that we set on defining what has been for us prevents our movement on our journeys, exactly what we don’t want, but we can expand our field of view and encourage hope as a feeling to keep us going towards whatever goals we need to get to. How would you feel if your favorite character sat down, refusing to go on, after not slaying a mystical beast on the first try or if it took longer than he or she wanted it to or there were still more to overcome? When you think about what you believe about yourself, what person, place or thing best represents your imagery? What would you then use as an example of your moments? This is me and in my particularly fantastic narrative there have been falls, tricky substances, cliff hanging, “flipping out” as well as death and anyone of those things could be depicted as mystical beasts or darkness or trees or flowers along my journey. To some however, in a limited view of my story, it has seemed as if I have simply been in the weeds when I could have chosen to change locations rather than stay there. Epic tales, though, are always about rides where failure is a part of success, courage walks hand in hand with fear, love and safety evolve through the storyline and a loss is still a win although its form isn’t what was hoped for. Have the best day POSSIBLE for you and when you tell your story, make sure you don’t limit your narrative especially when you say it to yourself. Love Always, Heavell
In every engaging narrative there are backstories, conflicts, obstacles and goals that provide the ability for us to perceive of the characters that live there and an understanding of what they have to overcome. Those journeys involve other locations, goals that we don’t have and mystical beasts as well as magical things but it’s the discovery as well as the change along the way or through the storyline that holds the emotions that we can relate to and care about. Epic tales, after all, are not about always being strong and courageous or doing flawless things but rather are about facing the weaknesses, the doubt, the pain and the fear in those worldly narratives just as we are challenged to do in our real lives. Even in the story of a field, a tree or a flower, the accounts are not about everything being perfect but the processes of light and dark as well as nutrients and weather or lack of along with other types of complications that they encounter when growing in familiar places that are not always welcoming. In other words, a better story than a perfect one is a real one just like in the books, movies and songs where an authenticity about the subjects makes them feel believable. The difference, however, is that our tales don’t feel greater than ideal when our mystical creatures and legendary trails are really things like addiction and being lost in the weeds with a hope that keeps us holding on but also has the ability to leave us feeling hopeless when a positive outcome isn’t what we wanted. So why is it easier to have fondness for or cheer for someone else’s epic tale than it is to do so in our own? Maybe it’s because we perceive that a flawed character in a narrative can be forgiven for moments of weakness and “flipping out” while still being seen as a hero but that our own darkness and missteps are an indication that we are in fact and or opinion impossible? Or perhaps it’s that those tales are fictional which makes it so much easier to have understanding even though there has to be a sense of realness about the characters in order for us to connect with them to begin with? Or maybe it’s all right in those stories because the controlled change happens in ways that are just right? A better story is an actual one even if what’s there isn’t what you want because it is an opportunity to discover more than you imagined like in those out of the blue wins where you were scared but held on anyways or where you said what you needed to say even if no one else heard you. Change is always enfolding us whether things appear to be the same or not but it’s the hope as a goal rather than a feeling or the belief that one can’t be fearful and brave at the same time or that a part defines a whole or that needing help is proof of weakness that limits our view of our and other’s possibilities. When you pass this way again, and you will in thought and or behavior, this time view the main character in your epic tale as a sometime warrior who needs understanding, forgiveness and help from you because, after all, a better story is not a perfect one but rather the one in which you show up for you in all the ways that you authentically live and feel your life. If your favorite character found himself on your journey, experiencing all that you have, what would he or she do to go through? Now what are you going to do with you one moment at a time? Oh hell, grab some tissues for tears and or laughter while having the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
Thank you, Tess, for sharing a part of you with us through your artwork. A flower that transforms into what we actually need is a better story.
Hope is the very essence of all epic tales and while we often see that term as it relates to being a specific goal or purpose to achieve, it is really a feeling about trusting that some sort of positive outcome will eventually happen despite the details and the challenges that occur along the way. In a sense, that small word has the power to evoke some of the strongest reactions in us whether in a narrative that has us on the edge of our seats or music that expresses what we connect to or in the uniting for a cause. In a different truth though, hope also has the ability to create hopelessness in us when we interpret it as an absolute or having to be just right. The journey to success always includes actions of failure or falling as a part of the process of learning and emotions like fear, anger and doubt that are the opposite of what hope implies are often felt as well. Having the expectation that things need to be as we wish limits our view and prevents the finding of those out of the blue wins that we didn’t imagine are waiting to be discovered. When the trail is difficult, and it will be in various moments, those hidden things are exactly what can help us to hold on and trust that impossible will become I’m possible even when the results isn’t what we planned on it being. After all, hope has a life of its own that, depending upon the circumstances and the meaning that it holds for an individual, can either be easily held onto or just as simply hidden in the shadows as a detail of what makes any story epic. As far as you are concerned and or as it pertains to someone else, have you ever been disappointed by a wish not coming true? Why did you feel that way? Were you able to find the unexpected beauty that would have been there too or was your field of view focused on your hope becoming exactly what you expected? Ryan’s addiction wasn’t just right for me, and his relapses were not a part of my goals. Those years were scary but because I had a specific purpose or way to get there, my “flipping out” as things didn’t go as planned actually fed the hell or hopelessness in him more than it helped. As we know though, when we are in the midst of anything it’s incredibly difficult to hold on to the feeling of hope while trusting that something positive will occur in the darkness whether you are an addict or not or facing some other type of challenge that exists along the way. Take the time to think about what you hope for, leaning in to experience it as an emotion rather than as a particular aim and then contemplate what your goals are with the idea that healing, sobriety or whatever is not a straight line through the flowers but rather a rollercoaster ride in the weeds that absolutely isn’t going to be just right. Hope has a life of its’ own and it can’t live if we limit it to the parts that we only want because when we do that, it becomes the feeling of hopelessness; the very thing that we don’t want. Today we are including one of Ashlee’s favorite music videos titled “Sober-Voice of an Addict” featuring KC Makes Music and Jordan Meyer. Words matter and the more we understand how we live through them as well as how others do, the better our possibilities are in finding those out of the blue wins and positive outcomes that we hope for and need in our so very Heavell lives. Be loud, be kind and be just right as you trip, fall, walk in circles and enfold change in your matter of time. Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
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