Grief is a powerful and heart wrenching word that we define as being what we feel from the devastating loss of someone important to us, but the real truth is that kind of misery is always enfolding us in our so very heavell lives not just when a person leaves this world. It breathes in all of the moments that we have fallen, become lost, find fear holding our hand, can’t breathe, want to kick a can as hard as we possibly can, don’t want to do something, want to hide, “flip out” and feel doubt. In other words, our epic tales are filled with a variety of distressing events along our trails as a part of the process, the steps, that our hearts go through in recognizing the losses, the embarrassments, the beauty, the wins and the love. So, ask yourself “How are you in this moment?” and if you find that your heart hurts, add the term grief to a page in a story of love for yourself. After all, love isn’t just about being amongst the flowers or the easy moments but rather our sitting with ourselves and others as we grieve for everything that has been no matter how any of it came to be. Have the best day POSSIBLE for you and always be kind as you look in the mirror and ask yourself “How are you?” as often as you query others. If you or anyone you know needs a reminder that it is all right to not always be all right, there is hope in the lifeline of 988. You can call or text that number or chat at 988lifeline.org Love Always and big, big Hugs, Heavell
In the words of Poet and Best-selling Author Alexandra Vasiliu:
My darling, be patient with yourself, healing takes time, healing implies kindness, healing means change, becoming is not easy. Be patient with yourself, you are gardening your soul. Some flowers are meant to bloom later.
Over the past week, I took the opportunity to ask a variety of people if they could tell me what they would put in a story of love about themselves. Dead silence followed every time I asked that question and while it was obvious each person was searching for some sort of an answer, not one could come up with a response to that very thought-provoking and important query. The last individual, after recognizing that he did not know what to say about himself, then asked me ” well what would you put in your story of love?” I smiled as I recognized that he was uncomfortable with my question, and then I laughed as I admitted that I feel as he feels. The real truth is that those particular pages in my epic tale could absolutely benefit from my taking the time to express some sweet talk as often as I have been known to lay or even roll around in my weeds. It is, of course, far easier to fire-off our thoughts of affection about someone else or even some particular object but when it comes to ourselves, that knowledge tends to be pushed so far into the shadows that it isn’t easily seen nor felt. I really had a difficult time understanding why Ryan couldn’t locate the wonderful parts of himself, to give him hope, during his addiction years and I even tried to remind him of his value by repeatedly nudging him with what I saw as the beauty of him. I realize, now, it actually isn’t an easy task for most of us to do unless of course you happen to be an author who writes a grand story of love and knows exactly how to make the characters appear to be authentic or you have added that specific tool to your repertoire and don’t want to miss a thing about your life knowing it makes you the only you. It certainly would be simpler if we could lean in and experience the affection that others have for us as if our hearts were whispering those words to ourselves, but it doesn’t really work that way now does it? Can you imagine looking into the mirror and smiling at yourself as a part of your journey towards emotional and mental wellbeing? You know like in those show-up moments where you need you to be there as the person you are guaranteed to go through with? What would you say in that moment? Maybe the reason why we struggle with endearing terms for ourselves is because a mess or a dragon or our pain along the way does feel so much louder and stronger that we can’t move our view especially when we are in the midst of it? And what if it’s complicated by our being uncomfortable with our belief of that kind of sweet talk so we haven’t yet realized its importance in our series of movements in taking care of ourselves? That voice, though, isn’t supposed to just reference what we love about ourselves because its other purpose is to sit with us in the difficulties of the dreaded “f” moments while encouraging us to try something different to find those out of the blue wins. In other words, they are meant to feel like a hug in our hearts in all the ways that we actually live in our so very heavell lives. So, what would I say in my story of love about myself? Well, that answer really began to form yesterday after I asked yet another person about her narrative who by the way quickly had a response to my query. My answer is that I love the place that I am at on my ride. It’s one that I have passed by many times before but finally in this moment, I am able to no longer hide my feelings or my mess from myself. My smile is a former cover for what has hurt sometimes very badly, and the term stoic has left my emotional definitions because I don’t need it anymore to feel safe. Both of those things did serve a purpose in the yesterdays but today I am showing up and if I “flip out”, I know it means that I need to sit with me while whispering some sweet talk to myself until I can move again. I recognize that “I’m sorry” and “I forgive you” are phrases that belong on the pages of my narrative for me because it has always been all right for each of us to not always be all right. It’s what we eventually do with what’s there that matters, that transformation, and besides, why else would there be boxes and boxes of tissues for us to use? The answer to that query probably belongs in our sweet talk as well because what we think makes us weak often is really how we become strong. Have the best day POSSIBLE for you as you figure out what you would say in a story of love about yourself. Love Always, Heavell
Today we are sharing a very brief video of Julian Rosen. He is a “Head Coach” whose words are the results of his transforming what “not being all right along his journey” has meant into what positively impacts him today. It’s a glimpse into his epic tale. The title of his clip is “Why Men Should Cry” Thank you @julianrosen_ for sharing a piece of your narrative with us.
When it comes to our ability to describe our passion in relation to someone or something else, rarely do we find ourselves at a loss for words because we allow ourselves to feel as we feel and then to say what’s there without hesitation. In other words, our storyline works whenever we are speaking about what is on the outside of us but when it comes to expressing love for ourselves, our effort is far less than it should be or even non-existent especially if things have not gone as we had hoped. Maybe it’s because we are so focused on the accumulation of flowers and whether or not ours are lacking in some way or perhaps it’s that we think that by having dreaded “f” moments, we have already lost and are now defined as impossible. Of course, wins or the achievement of goals are important but when it comes to substance use, the steps to achieve those things need the whole of you, what you are actually going through with. So, it’s not that a fall or repeated falls is an indication that you can’t get there, but rather that your focus on the win, that elusive future flower, is preventing you from utilizing all of your tools in this moment, the place where you can be found in your storyline. We do have to get comfortable with the things that are not all right within ourselves, but we also have to give equal time to a story of love that lives in our epic tales but is often hidden in the shadows or edited out because of the presence of weeds. The answer has seemed as if all effort should be put into stopping the use of substances while hanging on, it certainly was what I wanted Ryan to do, but if you think about those grand tales that we so love, the authentic characters get scared, doubt, hate and lose their way on the inside until at some point they remember not a perfect love story full of flowers but the one that reminds them that they are possible which helps them to move, to believe, once again without that guarantee of a win. So, what are you to you? When you tell your narrative to yourself, you need to state your love for you as often as you nudge yourself with your weeds. Otherwise, you are not using the whole of you and your basic tools, like holding on, will only get you so far on your trail and that would be like dangling from a cliff with the hope that only one of your hands is required to keep you safely in that place. This is me and I am a dreaded “f” moment maker in parts of my epic tale, but my rollercoaster ride also includes a developing story of love for myself, the very person I am guaranteed to go through all of this with. A story of love where the occasional flowers are beautiful and the laughter feels good, but the weeds are where I get to learn to show up for, to really love myself in all the moments and ways that I actually live a so very heavell life. I hadn’t realized that my own words were at angle and that they didn’t take care of me when I needed them most until a foil dragon became my nemesis by becoming Ryan’s tool to hang on with. I also didn’t imagine that he would be the one to remind me that we are each an evolving story of love that at times feels so unwelcoming because of the presence of prickles that hurt and our “flipping out” moments but then that’s how impossible was found to be “I’m possible”, the passion for ourselves, in a different truth of those very same hard lessons. Have the best day POSSIBLE for you and today when you look in that mirror, be kind as you learn to straighten your words so that you may speak of a story of love for yourself. Love Always, Heavell
When epic tales are written, the authors position their imaginative words in such a particular manner that we experience being the bystanders along the journeys of the characters. Those extensive details are directly linked to the quality of the narratives and ultimately to our love or disapproval of them. If a storyline isn’t working as it is being generated, the wordsmith of it will reshape what’s there until it comes together in such a way that the originator believes we as the audience will be able to feel as their personas feel and then support them as they move through not only their physical challenges but also the seemingly real emotional ones. The time it takes for any of those tales to be created is considerable and while they may be only made-up excursions, the use of words is as complicated for those artists as it is for us as we communicate our actual stories within ourselves. As the composer of your epic tale, if your words are at an angle, not saying what you need them to, then it wouldn’t be surprising to find that you don’t love your script, have a dim view of the author of it and because of those thoughts, perceive that cheering for the main character is pointless. Of course, it’s hard not to feel that way as we fall and spend a lot of time in the weeds, but if we utilize that skill that all artists keep on hand in order to aid themselves, we can facilitate the place of hope that will help us to show up for every part of our stories including the ones that we take exception to. So, what is that tool or sword that is powerful enough to get us through on our trails as well as eventually defeat any kind of dragons that we encounter along the way? It is recognizing that the dreaded “f” moments of our lives do not define us as impossible or flawed or irreparably broken but rather that the storyline is not working, and we now need to add to or reshape what’s there in order to take another step. Visualize the difference between believing that you need to be fixed as if there is something wrong with you versus trusting that your tool bag requires augmentation in order for you to move. Which of those word phrases helps you to keep the place of hope breathing within you? Which one encourages you to perceive that you are a work of art in progress not a finished product and that you should keep adding to your repertoire rather than disapprove of you as the author? In other words, feel as you feel because that’s your story, but all success is in part made up of failures that were turned around in the end with the addition of new things. We have to hold all of it in order to become the beauty that only we, as the wordsmiths of our epic tales, can define. Have the best day POSSIBLE for you as you add to the place of hope within you by expanding your words and seeing that the quality of your work is transforming but it takes a considerable amount of time to get there. Love Always, Heavell
We like to provide the perspective of others because there isn’t just one way to arrive at the places that we dream of, and their tools might be exactly what you need to reshape your repertoire. As always, it’s never ever just about the flowers especially in the better stories so be the better story by showing up for all of you. Please take the time to check-out this place of hope where they are building communities with accountability and integrity.
What if I were to say to you that even though our details are different “I know how you feel”? Would that particular clause help you to feel supported in the place that needs you most? How about if my words were changed to share that “I feel as you feel”? Would that difference in my term choices assist you in being able to breathe at least a little bit easier? Which of the two do you think would be more likely to facilitate a much-needed connection? Those easy words are powerful enough to either help us to sense that we are safe and united, or to encourage us to feel insecure and alone. Yeah, I was unaware that there is a definite distinction between those expressions but when the first one has been used in response to my pain, I have felt even more isolated during some of my darkest moments and as I turn around, I can also see that my own utilization of that one didn’t provide the kind of support that I had intended for others as well. Understanding that within myself is both an un-fortunate and fortunate view or the hell and the heaven of my clauses being at an angle. In other words, in those moments my mind had felt like it was holding the right terms and the similar feelings of my own experiences helped me to understand the person before me but that isn’t actually how we or others feel heard. The slight variation of those terms appears to be so simple and perhaps even un-important but knowing how you feel is really about me and feeling as you feel is about keeping what you are going through to the front so that you can feel safe or at least safer as you relay what your weeds are holding. That first clause is what the voice of sympathy sounds like and the second one is what the supporting hug of empathy feels like in our hearts and while they are used to define each other in a dictionary, only empathy has the ability to help us to believe in and trust ourselves as well as others. Today is a good day to turn what has been at an angle into what helps you to show up for yourself. After all, you feel as you feel about your so very heavell life and if you need a reminder, we feel as you feel although we have also been at an angle requiring us to work on our series of movements and words as well. Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
In epic tales the possible destruction of a character, a place or a thing along with the tension that comes from the fear of that failure occurring, creates the “on the edge” feelings that encourage us to jump, breathe in or even scream right along with those personas as if it were happening to us. In fact, the bigger the chance of destruction the stronger our hope is that a win will materialize regardless of whatever invincible mystical creatures have to be battled or the moments where those individuals just want to turn the pages to easily move forth on their journeys. Great storytelling is the art of using words to transport us not just into other lives and places but into ourselves where there are pieces of us that actually make those characters so enduring. In other words, we connect with the fear, hope, anger, doubt, celebration and grief that those individuals go through, and unlike in our actual lives, those tales allow us to experience “flipping out” moments without having to live them. Why is it so much easier to understand, accept and be supportive of those sentiments when they occur in a book or a movie or a song but not when they are within us? Is it the inclusion of mythical creatures or a hero status or a poignant tune that makes it all right for those things to be expressed? Or is it that those feelings are allowable as long as they are not being used to expose who we are on the inside especially what makes us feel vulnerable? Some time ago I wrote about a young man named Trevor Garroutte who wrote the book “Stomping in Puddles” which is the story of his losing and finding his way when the plot twists in his life enfolded things he never imagined would be located along his trail. As a former army infantry medic, cancer survivor and homeless person, he is what we often envision a hero in an epic tale would embody and yet the things that went right didn’t mean or guarantee that he would never find himself in the weeds or up against challenges that would push him close to self-destruction. Trevor’s book contains only a section of his life’s journey but in it he’s candid about how he felt every step of the way through, over the land and within himself. There are no mystical creatures in his story and he certainly didn’t feel like a hero nor did he know exactly where he was going but in the end he found where he needed to be which was to show up in all the ways that he was living his life especially in the moments that he didn’t want and hurt. In the art of storytelling or in living a so very heavell life, the particulars about each of us matter and we get to decide how they will be portrayed as well as what their value is as they breathe within us and we can also change any or all of it as our field of view expands to see, feel and understand more. Take care with your words because if you only look one way at them, what you say about yourself will never be all that you really are or are capable of. Take care with your steps because what works for someone else may not be the best series of movements for you but go ahead and try it as a part of discovering what is your way. Take care of your heart because it’s the one place that you will always be home in no matter what location you find yourself in or who surrounds you on your circle. A little bit at a time take care of you because any type of dragon can be defeated but it won’t always be in the ways you have envisioned or want it to be. After all, you never imagined yourself here now did you? Have the best day POSSIBLE for you in this section of your life’s journey. Who knows, maybe today is the day that you will write a plot twist as a reminder for the real hero in your narrative that it is always all right to not always be all right, that you can be found and lost in every moment and that we walk hand in hand with fear as well as courage but it’s the direction that we look through that determines which one we feel so move your view if you need to. Oh hell, in some parts of your story boxes of tissues have been for your tears of pain but on the next page or in the next chapter, you are strong enough to change those things from the “f” moments whose outer-layer had seemed so invincible in the yesterdays into what you laugh about tomorrow. Can you visualize my giggling each time I go to pick up a foil dragon to cover my leftovers with as I feel Ryan’s bear hug around my heart? Yeah I never thought it was possible either but then I also didn’t realize that I was powerful enough to add yet another emotional definition to a word that had appeared to be completely defined until a different truth came into my view. Even if you are showing up late, take care of and be kind to the writer of your epic tale now. Love Always, Heavell
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