There is a difference between what we believe will make us happy and what we accept as the causes of our suffering and yet depending upon what’s there or the place that we are at on our trails, our opinions of each can be changed with just the occurrence of a moment or a step or even with the discovery of a different truth. After all, we can fall in love without really perceiving of the all of someone and assume things about people we don’t really know even though the fact is love is always easy when adversity is not involved and we hate when we are judged and not heard as well. We can also fall for things that are on the outside of ourselves, such as someone else’s thought of what beauty is or what the value of our own pain is, despite that being in direct conflict with what we feel and hold on the inside of ourselves. We can even have all the items that we think will make us happy, the appearance of having it all, and still find that we are unable to cope through the conflicts while we can be a mess as well as a sometime warrior but only be seen for our chaos. Or we can feel fear and be in pain and express it in it’s loudest voice known as anger, or even through substance use, but be thought of as being unacceptable, fallen, even when others respond in a similar way but say their behavior is justified and acceptable. Why is that? There is a difference between what we actually feel and think as well as what others have come to believe and accept because no two people have experienced this kind of life or recognized a view in an exact duplicate manner despite any similarities that we may have. The heart may hold the pain that we do not want to acknowledge but it is actually the place that can help us the most because no matter what words we say to ourselves, or others do, we can’t talk our hearts out of feeling what’s living there; especially those blahs that are from long ago in the yesterdays. This starts with our collection of things that only we hold that can show up to create chaos when we least expect them to and when we seem to be all right because love, even for ourselves, is never ever easy nor without conflict. Those particular objects and parts are what we are going through with so we might as well just be who we are. Hello, it’s good to be home in the place that needs us most if we want to find understanding for what hurts and then change it into superpowers; also known as using what has seemed to be weaknesses and impossibilities to discover what has always been meant to become strengths and possibilities. In other words you can’t change your weeds, those dreaded “f” moments, into fabulous flowers but you can carry them not as the definer of you but as the parts that are helping you to get to know you. So what is in the words that you say? Are you giving yourself a moment to lean in to hear if they are expressing what you really feel? What will you do now with the knowledge of what you have believed and accepted? Can you turn around and find a different truth to help you? Or are you going to continue to feed the hell by falling for the views that live outside of you? I am going to wait right here because there is a difference between us and what works for me is not necessarily what is in your best interest but together and not together we can change what needs to be. Oh hell, if you need help then ask for it because that is a strength but remember you are going through with the all of you not what others are working with no matter what you or they wish for. Be kind because, in just a moment, we can all plummet when carrying the weight of the world or through our words or for a love that is easy until it’s not. Grab some tissues and hold on because it just might be a beautiful day where you can cry here and laugh until your stomach hurts or just be. Whatever you choose to do, have the best day possible in your so very heavell life. Love Always, Heavell
On our journey we each have a collection of things that fall into place depending upon what we think they hold. To make sense of what’s there, we assess a value for each possession through what is familiar and comfortable in our individual perceptions. Where those things go and the momentum that sends them there depends upon what we believe about ourselves and the power of those items. If we are of the opinion that the strongest or the weakest that we are is defined only by the “f” moments that are not the good ones, then those objects will descend like the weight of the world within us. Once in their particular part, their loud voices will show up when we least expect even when we feel as if we are all right or have been saying the right things; also known as those positive thoughts. But as with all moments, feelings, perceptions and terms, there is always a different truth that can be found than what has been our cycle of experiencing them. Take the wording “fall into place” and think about what it means to you. That phrase is used in reference to the things that we acquire or that fit together as well as an item or a person that goes down but what does it mean when it is used in an idiom such as “to fall in love”? Is it really possible for us to descend into love in the uplifting manner that we have come to believe that collection of words expresses? Or what about the fact and the opinion that like things, such as feelings, fall into place as well even though we often don’t realize the all that is actually living there and how it effects us? Or what if our fear is expressed through it’s loud voice known as anger and we plummet in the words that we say to ourselves and or others? Is tumbling and descending, then, only ideal when it involves what we believe to be acceptable such as an expression of love or our pain or as a response to someone else’s actions? In other words as long as it feels good or has a justification for it, we do believe that it is all right to fall in so much as whatever that holds fits within our perception; regardless of how others feel about it. This is me and I am an “f” moment maker that, in part, has been painful for myself and others through the words that I have said as well as my actions. What has been done by me in the yesterdays cannot be undone no matter what I hope for, just like you, but today is the kind of day where we can be fearful and courageous at the same time while also finding a different truth for our collection of things. After all, we do fall into place especially when that location is hell because understanding, change and sometime warriors have never ever been needed in the parts that are easy or we fall in love with. Oh hell, just give yourself a moment or two to cry and then laugh about a collection of things that you have believed define you as being weak when they have always been the beginning of your strength. Have the best day possible for you. Love Always, Heavell.
The things that have already been done in the yesterdays cannot be undone but the power that they continue to hold in our kind of life can be changed. By turning around, we can view those moments, words and behaviors and then find the what and the how we can do them differently today. In those first few years of Ryan’s drug use, I was filled with an incredible amount of fear that I expressed most often through anger along with a lot of tears. It was a scary place that I had absolutely no idea how to be in and no matter what anyone else said I should do, my coping was an expression of that fear and my own pattern of behavior in reaction to it. In any heightened situation it is impossible to de-escalate a state of being on the inside of ourselves or with others while also experiencing overwhelming feelings and then managing them in manner that is not in the best interest of ourselves or anyone else for that matter even when it feels so justified to do so. I spent a lot of time, far more than I ever should have, walking in circles during those years. I even continued to fall in my words and actions well after I knew it was not helpful because sometimes it is difficult to be strong, to do this better, in every single moment and situation. In other words, whether you are an addict or not, some will and some won’t be a problem but we still have to hold on and get through them; raising a little hell by trying again and again each time we fall. I have a lot of regret from that period and while it was filled with pain, it also taught me more about myself and others than I ever thought possible. That view in the mirror, also known as the inside, was far more difficult to acknowledge and to say hello to than what had been holding my view on the outside of me. That is just a part of the hell and then the heaven of that period that is still with me today because wherever I go it will always be with me as well. It’s not there to destroy me but rather to remind me to keep working to do this better even when I have “f” moments in the tomorrows and not the fabulous ones that I would prefer. As Ryan would say “Be grateful for the lessons mom, especially the tough ones, because it’s where you get to discover how beautiful you really are and can be” Ryan had regret as well for his drug use, what occurred because of it and the time he spent in that place but most of all he discovered that what had felt so impossible really was just waiting for him use who he was to change the power of it. Hello this is you and this is me and we are perfectly, irritatingly, messy people who fall down while also being the beholders of our own beauty in this so very heavell life. What’s not there though is our ability to step if we continue to feed the hell by believing that what has been done in part will always define us as a whole. Give yourself a moment. a word and a behavior and find a different truth for them. How and what would you do today in contrast to the yesterdays? After all, we might as well say hello to both our darkness and light as each serves a purpose in helping us to find our way unless of course we walk in circles by staying in one or the other for far longer than we should. Be kind to the person that you are going through all of this with and if you fall, say “I am sorry that you are here” and try again. Do the same for the others in your life because sometimes it’s not easy for any of us to be strong in every word, moment or behavior especially when we feel as if we are carrying the weight of the world.
Today we are sharing the music video titled “Letter To The Addicts (Adele-Hello RidgeMix), by the talented artist known as Ridge Long. Both addiction and pain as well as our reactions to them brings us together despite whatever can be found in our individual stories. Lean in to hear his words as he shares his view and what he has perceived of from his essential position. Have the best day possible for you. Love Always, Heavell. Thank you @ridgelong410 for sharing you and your music with us.
It is easy enough to think that someone should not behave in a certain manner, such as using substances or being angry, but it has never been that simple to understand why an individual is or has been doing so. After all, no matter what we desire we can’t just stop being who we are, that repeating of cycles and behaviors, merely because others or even ourselves think we should be doing this differently. So what does that mean? There is a parting of our thoughts and our feelings on the inside that makes initiating and holding onto change difficult which can result in falls and the continuation of the feeding of the hell even when we don’t want it or hate it. We have the ability to understand what is needed in order to begin something new but what we believe, in the place that needs us most, has a way of telling us that we are impossible. That particular part carries the weight of the world and has the loudest voice that can show up in the moments that are all right or even in the tomorrows. Let’s take the term anger and what it really is a statement of. When I expressed that emotion in the yesterdays, I thought it was because l was justified in my reactions to the behaviors of others. In other words, I was thinking about what was occurring on the outside of me rather than recognizing what I was feeling on the inside where I actually had the power to lean in to hear me. Ryan’s death, for instance, fed several long months of anger that felt so justified in my heart and because of that I moved my thoughts to agree with that feeling and yet it was really grief that was breathing within me. That anger was a form of protection during that vulnerable and painful time that was not unlike how I felt when I first discovered Ryan was using substances. Even today there are still moments when anger rises in me but I am aware that it means there is something on the inside that needs my attention. Are you aware that you can react with anger today for something that occurred long ago in the yesterdays? Or blame others for feeling that way even though you are actually mad at yourself? Or that you can feel overwhelmed and anxious in the quiet moments too? Or that grief, pain and fear are expressed in the incredibly loud voices of anger and substance use? Everything and anything that needs to be illuminated will find a way to do so most often in detrimental ways because we are taking it all with us wherever we go. Until we understand what we feel on the inside, it will continue to effect us as well as others for far longer than it should. So while words are what we think of and know, what each of us has chained to them is the view into our personal kind of life and what it will take to believe in being possible as individuals; different even when we appear to be similar. A parting of the mind and the heart, then, is necessary so that we may not only perceive of this so very heavell life but also feel it as only each of us can as essential parts on the circle of it. It’s good to be home because it’s the place where we can begin something new by focusing on what we are experiencing or have instead of the resulting behaviors or those of others. Oh hell give yourself a moment and a word for that matter so that you may find a different truth and understanding for what has made you feel weak on the inside. I am going to continue to wait right here while you get to know you and the small things such as the definition of beauty that can also always be found wherever you are.
Too often we underestimate the power of our words as well as their ability to imply things other than what we intend for them to do. Take, for instance, the two terms substance abuse versus substance misuse. Those expressions are actually used to define each other and yet one is communicated as the intentional use of substances, otherwise known as a “choice”, in a way that is unhealthy and or illegal while the other is expressed as using medication in a manner that it was not intended for, also known as a “choice” and unhealthy but not necessarily illegal. How do you feel, in the place that needs you most, about those particular words? What if you were to turn around to contemplate two other expressions known as mess and disorder and what they hold for you? Are you aware that those two terms are interchangeable with each other as well but more importantly that they can also be used to define the abuse and misuse of substances? What, then, do you think of and feel when comparing those two separate groups of expressions that define addiction? Which pair leaves you feeling impossible and which set holds the possibility of being all right even in the moments that are not all right? In other words, what terms have been used to help lift you up, to step, and which ones have been misused or abused encouraging the belief that you are defined only by your falls and “f” moments? Now turn around again to view the yesterdays where the misunderstanding of words has created chaos as well as pain even though that was not the intent. Moment by moment, word by word and feeling by feeling these are our individual stories that have occurred in similar and yet distinctly different ways. Those small, unseen things, like terms and the emotions that live in the shadows of them, have a way of effecting not only what choices we believe we have but also our ability to actually hold onto change. Having a sense of and believing in what words mean on the inside of ourselves can raise a little hell and turn it into a superpower rather than remaining as what continues to hurt. Imagine then, in a different truth, that what has felt like the weight of the world has always just been the moments before strength is found no matter how long it takes to get there. This is you and this is me and it is good to be home because we are taking it all with us so we might as well be who we are. Give me a moment because this is how my son’s fall, also known as his substance use, became a superpower for all us even though we were in that hell for far too long and it hurt way more than we ever thought possible. After all, the art of living in heaven and hell is in knowing that the heaven moments are the ones that allow us to breathe in brave before the falls into hell where we discover all that we are and all that needs to be transformed for the better including our word choices. Oh hell, give yourself a moment because if this were easy, everyone would make the “simple choice” to change but in a different truth what can be found behind any option complicates seeing and feeling beyond what is just in front of us; whether we are an addict or not. Be kind as you learn the truth of yourself and as you share what needs to be said for what is in your words tells the story of a sometime warrior who is courageous and yet scared that falls and rises but is always the definition of beauty. There is a reason why we have a lot of tissues. It’s so we can cry here while holding our weeds or laugh until our stomachs hurt while walking on our flowers. Whatever you do though, it’s what you lean in to hear that determines what kind of day it’s going to be so choose the words that help you feel possible even in the chaos of a so very heavell life.
We will not be sharing a blog next week on Thursday, February 25th. We will however be sharing our new page “Beautiful Things” for those who have left this world as a result of substance use or the lasting effects of it, mental health issues and death by suicide as there’s a love that will continue on because of and for them. We already have a couple of submissions to give you an idea on how to share the person that you want remembered; a friend, a classmate, a neighbor, a family member, a loved one, a child of another or even a stranger. You may include a photo if you have one, his or her name in full or part or just a nick name/term of endearment and or approximately three sentences that tells the world something that matters about that person even if it’s just simply that he or she loved ketchup on everything. All submissions are subject to approval by the Admins of Heavell. We will also be sharing some words about Ashlee, Ryan’s oldest sister, as a daughter and sister of addicts who is a sometime warrior working to change how those with substance use and mental health issues perceive of themselves. Have the best day possible for you. Love Always, Heavell.
A special thanks to Taylor for helping to expand our perception of the terms use, abuse and misuse as well as how, in a different truth about those expressions, we feed the hell when we “choose to use” certain words even when our intent has not been to do so.
As we are presented with choices in our lives, it is simple enough to believe that where each of us decides to step will be or should be in the direction that is in our best interest. What’s not there, though, is the view that one can be decisive and still choose a trail or an “f” moment that is not advantageous. We often associate being determined with courage, confidence and the fabulous moments but in a different truth we can also be unwavering through our repeating of cycles, the avoidance of or only breathing in pain as well as being in an altered state as a result of substance abuse. Choices, then, are made based upon the value and the power of what has come together on the inside where it can’t be easily seen nor understood. What we continue to view in that place will effect us for far too long even when we don’t want it to or hate that it does. After all, the more that we walk in circles, adding moments on top of moments, the less we know and believe in the possibilities of ourselves. That, of course, would appear to be yet another choice but silencing the loudness of what will always find a way to be illuminated is as complicated as what we feel as individuals. In other words, those things on the inside, even the small ones, are what we are going through with so we might as well be who we are while also finding a different truth for what hurts and is not in our best interest. Each day every one of us has the choice to wish for change or to guilt ourselves and others to be different or to deny and hide whatever we don’t want to deal with. However, the best day and option isn’t when we do those things but when we look for the view beyond what is easily seen in order to help lift up what has or who has fallen. Do you know if you are facilitating holding on with your words or are you unaware that you are actually feeding the hell? So let’s start by perceiving that in order to change anything for the better, including how choices are made, we have to get comfortable with what is uncomfortable while not breathing it in. We cannot desire to only be courageous when fear walks hand in hand with it. We also cannot wish for only happiness just because pain and tears feel like a failure to be perfect or hope to be the beauty that others see when we are the beholder of what defines it for ourselves. This is life and it doesn’t always turn out as we believe it should but then no one ever aspires to be in pain, to repeat cycles or to be an addict even though those are all just the moments before we turn around to see that what appears to be weakness is really the beginning of strength. You can cry here from what hurts and what makes you laugh until your stomach hurts but what you can’t do is control or change any of it without understanding what is living on the inside of you and that it is all right to feel as you do. Today is the kind of day where you can lean in to hear the truth of what the yesterdays have held so talk straight. Oh hell, maybe you are scared, I know I can be, but sometime warriors and possibilities are found in the moments that hurt not in what is easy. You can cry here, for whatever reason, as you go word by word and feeling by feeling as you step and fall along your so very heavell life. I am going to wait right here just in case you need some tissues or I do unless of course tomorrow feels like a better option for you but either way there is a love that will continue on in the perfect person to go through; also known as you. Have the best day possible for you. Love always, Heavell
Heavell is honored to include another perspective, with today’s blog, on how our feelings effect the choices that we believe we have and then step towards. Thank you Susan David, Ph.D. for sharing your TED Talk “The gift and power of emotional courage” with us. She is the Wall Street Journal best-selling author of “Emotional Agility” and a Co-founder, Institute of Coaching a McLean/Harvard Medical School Affiliate Psychologist, Harvard Medical School who is committed to getting emotional agility into the world.
Recent Comments