The further away we believe we are from strength’s descriptions, the more we are aware of the war that darkness has with our functioning and it’s in those moments that we feel left out of the idea of what resilience seems to be for others.
How we exist in the truth of the negativity that places us in the corner isn’t even altered by holding onto positivity and we just end up feeling even more vulnerable and disconnected.
And so, we pretend to solve that gap with words and smiles that hide the disarray in our own homes while passing time on pages that don’t take us to where we want to be.
Sorrow will, of course, remain in our hearts as the details of that label are unforgettable, but getting past that which is ordinary is something that we can grow enough around to limit its impact.
So how do we get to the point where we can trust how we work as individuals instead of wishing for different or to even be someone else in our own stories?
It is, after all, very difficult to jump from the consciousness of hearing repetitive words that hurt to the extreme of taking seriously a pattern of terms that we don’t currently resonate with, but we can ease into expanding the experiences of what we already know.
When the dark seems to be copying itself, there is the option to color it over with the understanding that the lighting may be poor, but we are slowly stepping into laying down what has blocked our view of how durable we have actually been.
Once we are comfortable with that simple change, then it is possible to move that newly acquired limitation by recognizing that while it’s still somewhat dim, this pigment is now the proof that the function of vocalizing what oppresses us is becoming our own.
The darkness can keep us from noticing that its messages are made up with things that have no desire to truly see us and with our silence, it appears to have no end, but a lot of how strength has been defined for us leaves out the murkiness that exists along its development.
We can only be dismissed if we leave the community of ourselves, where doing the best that we can is enough as we begin updating our own words as a part of our work of art and learn to ignore the content that fits in with the stories of others.
It feels impossible to imagine different hues when it comes to our suffering but love always invites us to not save or let go of the dark but to work with its different shades until we find the right lighting that doesn’t ruin the ending of the pages that we have yet to turn to.
Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
Regardless of where we are, feels can stir up our words so much so that in the conversations with ourselves, lies sound like the righteousness of our stories while the truth shape shifts into the lying dragons that remind us we are living without being enough.
We don’t even have to say why those cycles of feelings have moved forward anymore because their opinions are the weight that we have become so very familiar with in the automatic chats of the troubles that hold us back.
And it’s the intrusive way in which that debris covers us that makes the sincerity of the quieter spots the kind of moments where we fake smiles of being fine as often as we pretend to see the glow of hope in the committed relationships that we have had with the darkness.
But no matter how much time we have lived in vulnerability through the pieces of what the truth has meant in our stories, we can still meet up with the honest view that strength does not the signify the absence of fear or depression nor does anger exude strength.
Our view of what the enemy looks like tells us that we should only have certain thoughts and steps to avoid the bad weather in our hearts but art in the land of gardens balances all stages as being necessary processes regardless of how they look or feel.
We don’t need to have all of the answers however it is essential that we create the conditions that support what hurts and feels wasted within our homes because all of what has seemed to own us is worthy of being seen and held by us.
For every word there is another within it and another and yet still another that deep down embodies our emotions and there is safety as well as power in choosing which one speaks to us and when it is allowed to.
So if today feels dark, the less negative version is that the day is poorly lit and we have the option to look at the truth of that and feel uncomfortable but to also breathe in that we have begun to surround our suffering with the quiet version of love that we have been hoping would come to support us all along.
We have repeatedly done what the words we wear have said so when we hear them trying to lay waste to moments they don’t belong in with memories of our woundedness, its time for us to let those friendships decay.
There won’t be some sort of final good-bye or dramatic release of the pain nevertheless there will be a silent expansion in the honesty of how we feel in our grief as well as a slow reveal of how opinions from the yesterdays were merely the old survival tactics of lies, truths and of course dragons.
Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
There is a visibility problem within us that the darkness uses to pin us down with belief that we are on journeys where being likeable means being demure about who we are and fitting in feels like a sanctuary away from the things that have taken root in our self-portraits.
Our familiar way of being contains the symptoms of dragons that haven’t left us alone in awhile and the deep, negative words living in our hearts and minds so much so that our hope becomes one of finding a finish, of some kind, for the grief that is stuck on repeat.
But if we are not recognizable in the vocabulary of the packaged deals that we see, what we think those misidentified points of light have shown us about ourselves becomes another barrier on the list of what is between us and happiness.
We can’t use what has been defined elsewhere to recover the safety that has become buried in our blended layers without being shifted further into isolation in the very homes that the different versions of who we are reside in.
And yet placing ourselves in the middle of the view of what has happened on the inside also fills us up with messages that don’t communicate well enough for our gardens to thrive within the presence of weeds as well as the occasional desirable feelings.
We don’t pretend to suffer so acting as if we are all right until the noise is gone only allows the dark to continue voicing it’s opinions, coaxing us deeper into our own misery, but just because it’s speaking, it doesn’t mean that the invite can’t be declined.
The relationship that we are seeking within ourselves lives in the conflict of what has never been meek for us so what works best to get through isn’t turning down the volume of what we know but to start practicing how to adjust the impact of those effects for ourselves.
What weeds do is reveal the spots that we are not treating our very own selves well in and what we can do with that knowledge is become available to show up to sit with them even though it’s dark.
This is me and sometimes the absence of light threatens to separate me from learning to love myself in the gloom of my story but slowly that particular voice is becoming a loud shield in the art of living my so very heavell life.
Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
Nothing prepares us to go through the real things that occur in temporary moments but somehow eventually become the distracting communications from ourselves to ourselves that we mull over and over and over.
Those messages hold us up as if we or our feelings are wrong and we try to escape by imagining ourselves within the journeys of the words that belong to others but using terms correctly does not mean that they won’t still be misinterpreted within the rhythms of what we have met as individuals.
Some of that need comes from the hope of finding certainty within the chaos through outside connections while other parts of it are meant to provide relief by exchanging our vocal pain for the absence of it’s noise by simply stifling it within ourselves.
But closing parts off means that we know ourselves even less, attracting a kind of loneliness in the nothingness, and when they come back as they always do, we are even more unsure of how we will be able to deal with the many forms that grief can show up in.
In other moments, though, there isn’t a reprieve because no one else can ever truly understand the depth of what it has taken to uniquely detail our words by feeling and wandering as deeply as we have and the appearance of the surrounding silence would seem to confirm our separateness.
Our stories, however, were never meant to be painted all the same because life’s information is perceived of and processed as we receive it and that is not an identical fit in anyone.
Every choice that we have made in navigating the build up of what can’t easily be let go of has been an expression of the version of ourselves that is currently released but where we go from here can evolve with our recognizing that two opposing things can exist within a single embrace while we slowly make progress through.
There will never be the right time, experience or weather for us to go in the direction that we want but there will always be us in the genuine design of our artwork that just happens to include the hidden strengths of discovering what isn’t for us.
In this place that is so full of doubt, we are only on speaking terms with the painful darkness because we are the light that makes it feel safe enough to voice its grief and we should exchange our desire to silence it for being the individuals that it can rely on to bring relief through the words that only we know.
Today is another good day to forgive ourselves for having existed as we have because nothing prepared us to love in the dark but we are figuring this out one step at a time.
Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
Wherever we go, the darkness strikes us as being able to seamlessly follow and yet we are also use to bending backwards in order to locate it even though we don’t shift that much of ourselves for the things that feel good.
And on the days where we are under the weight of simply surviving, we try our best but exchanging that gloom for the better lighting of less negativity isn’t a response that we are able to find despite our needing it.
And our tomorrows become a repeat of the yesterdays simply because the consequence of not being able to hold ourselves in all the ways that we actually live life is that the same obstacles continue to speak within us.
Those one-sided conversations do feel so valid as they envelop us within the certainty of parts of the truth and of course we are silent on how possibilities are in every kind of step in the slow movement towards discovering what does work.
That adversity makes everything in reference to ourselves feel like a challenge while the subtlety of what we smile about implies that the ease in which we are able to exist in likeable conditions should be useable to navigate our pain with but it is not.
It is no wonder, then, that we feel tired of the fight with darkness’s ability to touch us but if we can believe in and be distracted by it’s cluttered messages, then why can’t we hear the voices of the light that are present in our homes as well?
Perhaps its because its difficult to separate ourselves from the events whose ongoing roles in our hearts and minds leave us with the impression that we don’t have anything else to stand on or to breathe in.
Or maybe it’s just another day in a life where we don’t really know how to plant words into our own soil so that they will become what defines safety in the dark or how to show up for ourselves on this side of happiness where the belief is that disconnecting from unhappiness leads to being happy.
To recover is to find something again but locating that thing doesn’t necessarily resonate with it having ever been lost, only that other items have bent our attention away from it also being viewed and utilized within us.
We are busy doing the weather and while it’s not yet where its supposed to be on the inside, the pressure is an indication that we continue to have the chance to create love in the parts that before defied our ability to do so.
Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
While navigating the changes that we want and the ones that have enfolded us despite our hopes, it’s not what’s around our gardens that affects our growth but what gets into our spaces from other grounds that are only able to guess about the kinds of connections that we have within our environment.
Taking in that information from other locations and placing them onto our pages leads to the unintended consequence of losing our own voices and the ability to be there for ourselves during times that are already filled with doubt.
Words hold no power, though, until we give them a haven to reside in and there are far too many moments where we securely place the debris as the only thing that can be observed as if that loud content knows what safety and comfort in our own stories should look like.
But having found its way in doesn’t mean that any of it belongs with us nor that we should embrace the weight of what we were never meant to carry or to be tangled up by it in our own homes.
If we are not on speaking terms with the definitions that exist from our own encounters, it makes it hard to lean into what is for us, which is that in the dark that pain can bring, courage doesn’t impact the outcome but it’s quiet intent is there to support us anyway.
So what do you have to say about the bravery that it has taken to hold on in a land where handling debris and cultivating expansions often doesn’t go as hoped and thorny memories as well as dragons muddy the ability to find your value in those places of your heart?
After all, I can only imagine how that is uniquely being defined for you and you can only envision its different look in my story as I learn to be all right in both the light and the darkness one step and fall at a time.
We are not always going to love our days or our responses to life but we can choose to hold ourselves while we talk through our flow of emotions that often reach beyond even the most colorful of words.
When it comes to garden stuff, there is always an abundance of seeds to try again with that don’t need more positivity to nourish them, just less negativity in the pieces of our memories and the days where it’s harder to feel the courage let alone support ourselves.
Today is a good day to forgive yourself for having survived in whatever way you have needed to and tomorrow will be the right day to do it all over again regardless of the weather.
Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
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