The energy of the words that haven’t skipped a beat in influencing our experiences and what our thoughts have had to say can be traced back to the multitude of sayings that have been all around for years.
And scattered within those traveling dances of existence, we have periodically stopped to plant seeds of hope for change, only to see them start but then come to an end, adding more tears to the ideas that a lack of transformation means something is wrong with us.
Change, though, while a logical need, just happens to be an unknown dragon or unseen threat when it comes to the devotion of the march that has been dis-harmonizing our pieces and as such, returning to our familiar shuffles is simply a natural habit of ours albeit an unhappy one.
What would happen if we acknowledged that consistently walking in circles has more to do with our vague concept of what revision is for us as individuals than it has to do with our missing what it takes to be able to adapt?
What if then, that collaboration is one of those old lores that needs adjustment because instead of it supporting us, it has been feeding the hell of the belief that stumbles prevent remarkable things from simultaneously being true?
What if we told the noise that is always ready to go that while there is darkness in yesterday’s spaces and a possibility of it in the weather of the tomorrows, there is also varying degrees of light dispersed in there as well?
What if we lean in as observers who are curious about digging through the hideout of the items that we feel lost in the emotions of but pretend aren’t there?
What if we shape shifted the things that have reached our homes to expand our understanding of what they mean instead of contorting ourselves to tuck that suffering onto pages, muddying the realness of our personal artistry?
What if the patches that are painful aren’t adequate for us, but that we are sufficient enough to hold the perspective that flexibility is always needed in managing our facts as well as the doubt that comes from having to sort out how to be able to do so?
In the last place we looked at ourselves, we didn’t dare question the discord of the lores that have influenced our thoughts but today and tomorrow are wide open for who we would be if our backstories allowed us to be the sometime warriors that are both sad AND happy as well as scared.
Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
There are sayings in our minds that have been proficiently placed throughout the pages of our stories and yet in the face of suffering, we will question who we are rather than the ask why those old constants are still being used to navigate our journeys.
Not knowing if or when we will smile again or how we will write in color when things feel black and white shouldn’t continue to paint the same picture simply because we have no idea how to do it any other way.
That familiar know-how, though, was never meant to become a permanent part of how we support ourselves just because the opportunity to hold hands repeats and although those beliefs have served a past purpose, that habit of loyalty doesn’t work with today’s pressures.
So, we are in need of the kind of word of mouth that can connect the distance between the many tears of our grief and the fewer ones that come from the laughter that makes our stomachs hurt.
Something that takes us away from staring in the mirror while asking ourselves “What if this or I had been different?” and moves us to inquire “What now?” because we have finally accepted that there are moments that are truthfully unalike what we had hoped for.
Something that allows us to add the simple word AND to the end of every limiting sentence that is whispered inside us because we are beginning to understand that we are both the dark AND the light as well as capable of being sad AND a little happy at the same time.
Something that encourages us to walk into the spaces of the unknowns of the tomorrows without the need to control our fear by reacting in familiar ways because while the past was a constant observer of the missteps, our future artistry embraces and values the load of all of us.
We have always been together with the knowledge that we have held because our belief has been that that was all that our skills could ever build, but happiness is what happens when we add AND to the parts that we have lacked the security to be more in.
In familiar sayings, we are enclosed by the suffering that doesn’t give us a chance but, in another lore, we are open to being both right where we are AND to smiling because when it comes to sometime warriors, no act will ever be a little thing in navigating the journey of learning to love ourselves.
Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
We walk through our storybooks, creating as we go, but when it comes to the puddles that contain the drops of life-long weather, we automatically anticipate that the experiences of each new page will inevitably feel just as yesterday’s shows did.
But then there is a sense of safety in wielding that intimate strategy of our own homes against the unknown lurking along journeys that lead us to who knows where even though that particular kind of emotional availability doesn’t really fit with our hopes for the tomorrows.
Thoughts can be changed, but emotions are the connections to our stories that we would otherwise just be attached to like mud on the bottom of a shoe and our hearts have been conditioned to find the same feels regardless of what we think.
And so those repetitive feelings become the decision makers that supply commentary on every moment preventing the growth of what would give us somewhere to go with the piles of emotions that are always loud but not necessarily clear.
And without fail, those standing waters of our forever-after(s), trap us in the drought of what we have concluded and often that is the belief that what has been lived will continue to be even though nothing can ever actually be felt in an identical way again.
After all, doing it badly once was not the same in the next spot that we also hated just as what felt so good over there was never quite like what made us smile before, but our habit of critiquing muddies their individual differences.
So, we naturally lean in to weep with what we grieve as a trustworthy awareness of ourselves because sorrow has been a lasting experience in real time and assumed times, but it has also taken strength to carry the weight of heavy weather that has appeared to only want us to balance pain.
Empathy means to have sympathy for experiences and emotions which is what we are attempting to do when we fully engage with what’s in us, but we get in our own way when we think feelings are the kind of ground to remain in rather than simply being an informational system to learn from.
Instead of just living in the same old puddles, I am avoiding further weight gain by allowing what brings me down to speak while knowing that its commentary is just a part of my pain and not the manager that may contain me wherever I am in my story.
Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
When dragons call, it can feel as if we are too far gone to ever get away from the repetitive conversations so we stop in familiar places and feel identical reactions because, after all, if they are here, then we must also belong in those same dark spaces as well.
Its a continuous grieving for not only the people, places and things that have been lost along our journeys but also for the loss of who we had dreamed of being and the happiness that we had hoped for.
I have had quite a lot of time to think about what grief means while walking in circles in my own home and I never imagined how hard it would be to truly trust being happy when I have never really had confidence in the lines of all the other feels that have existed in my story as well.
If what I have heard so many times before keeps being repeated and it has become so much easier to just let the weather wash over me and to begin singing along before the words have even begun, how can I stop living in the yesterdays?
Maybe, that slipping back is because different hasn’t prevented the forward acceleration of what has been consistently applied in the past, leaving me feeling as if I haven’t tried to change even though I now carry exhaustion from those unseen movements as well.
Sometimes, everything is wrong and in other moments I am simply being fooled by the self-doubt that has grown over time from harsh ideas that seemed like forever statements but were never really mine to hold to begin with despite what my dragons have been trained to echo.
And so I am learning that just because painful pieces of my art appear again and again, whispering to me to regress, by rehearsing my acknowledgment of them, those shadow energies are slowly fading, allowing me to be all right in the spaces that were originally created from my tears.
Long ago, when “once upon a time” was first placed on our papers, hidden in plain sight was the light that writing something “once” was never meant to be a forever after but “once” we have begun the practice of singing along in unison, conversations with dragons die hard and happiness feels undependable.
Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
I have watched you over the years, wandering back and forth through the weather of emotions that have remained fully committed to leading us back to the space where no one, including ourselves, knows how to meet us at whatever point that we were currently in.
I have made notes about your struggles in making art out of your everyday feelings and the sacrifices that came from the exhaustion of carrying what was never ours to hold to begin with.
I have put the lists of the items that are associated with your anger and sorrow where I can easily find them so that when the feels surface to fill and empty you, we are both in agreement.
I, on behalf of you, have given a voice to “the what ifs and the whys” so that you will know what that silent scream deep inside of you sounds like as it surfaces.
I have replayed all the reasons for staying in the familiarity of the darkness by telling you that happiness is something that only happens when everything comes together, and our conflicts prevent that from ever being possible.
I have told you that even though there isn’t any way to know how to manage all the layers of what was never imagined, somehow you should have known exactly how to cope with the feelings that came.
I have been, all along, devoted to providing you with pieces of grief whenever and wherever you are so that you would realize that new people, places and things can’t prevent us from being stuck in yesterday’s situations on the inside.
I have also implied to you that the outcome matters more than just doing your best because those are the words of the same story that I have gotten used to repeating to you.
I have also told you that it is better to hide your emotions than to experience them otherwise that would have required me to stop telling you the tall tales about how allowing feels to ebb and flow is weakness.
I have also led you to believe that it isn’t all right to make yourself a priority or to seek help because keeping your suffering secret has fit into my compacity of understanding strength even though we both know that that is how sadness exists day after day.
Together, you and I have built this life around a cycle of doubt in moments, words and the weather that have never once granted us the grace to make mistakes or to find out how to show up for ourselves in the places that need support.
I am tired of that judgement that has encircled our journey and wish to tell you that I have reached the end of its existence, and so it is with the hope that you desire change as much as I do that, I am writing a letter home.
I know you are afraid but nothing else matters other than going forward together so let’s give it a go with the same quiet courage that we have used right up to this point, just with better information that allows joy to meet us where we are.
Within a seed is a plant that then brings the opportunity for more vegetation to develop from it much like how a single word can artfully develop a whole narration that we will listen to on repeat even though we shouldn’t.
There is no comfort in what we have gotten use to agreeing with and while we are aware that it breaks our hearts, we just can’t seem to say no to those stories that take advantage of our woundedness.
So, we search for something that doesn’t look like we do, that could surely keep the light from dimming but because change is hard to understand as well as to act on, we end up talking to ourselves with words that remain disconnected.
That vulnerability then pushes us to seemingly move our locations and yet that choice of a familiar survival skill doesn’t really produce the results that we hope for, and it certainly doesn’t keep us from wandering further away from taking better care of ourselves.
So, despite those implemented differences, things return to unfolding in disappointing ways in the next moment or the one after that and so on as if transformation has decided to dismiss us over the negative reviews that continue to follow us around.
Every pip that doesn’t function properly makes us see ourselves so differently that we miss out on the actuality of who we are while also shifting our weight to align with the direction of the suffering that easily empties out any other seeds we have.
That group mentality of colorful emotions and phrases takes up space by telling us to accept that they are some sort of haven in our complicated gardens and meeting them again and again validates the belief that we only exist within them.
Looking back, we have survived what we didn’t think we needed to know how to write about, however all we owe the words that have been imprinted on us is to pick which ones to expand our relationship with while letting the others that want the worst for us to fade away.
If we can be this committed to rehearsed narrations that don’t bring comfort, then we can also be the people devoted to becoming the pip of a story that in a valid but different definition means being someone who is liked very much.
Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
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