Every person, place and thing have a story that contains the details of the process that each have gone through on their journey. In other words, theories, hopes, creativity, goals, and imagination can be found in all the ways that we and objects exist in the world. In a novel, the author uses creativity to generate and manipulate the experiences of the often-made-up characters while maintaining a sense of relatable authentic-ness by giving them the desire to overcome or achieve something and us the wish that they will. In the story of a field, the plants have requirements in order to grow there but if the prickles that affect them are too much, then the objective won’t occur until the vegetation adapts or the environment changes into something more hospitable either way though there is always the hope that everything will just be what it needs to be. In the tale of a smile, a limited field of view believes that a grin means that someone is happy even though there has always been an underlying chance of a plot twist where that specific facial feature is actually the innovative cover -up for pain but then it’s hard to perceive that an established belief has to evolve as the particulars of existing become more visible to us. Even music and art have their components or mediums that can be arranged, then rearranged and then repositioned again to create different results depending on the artists perspectives or the place that they are at when their feelings came to life. All of those things exist not because of the promise or guarantee of a perfectly finished product, or an easy and loveable trail surrounded by only flowers or words that say and are heard exactly as they are hoped to be but because through trial and error, its imaginable to find what is possible by expanding theories to work better with the different settings that occur in our lives especially the ones found on the inside of each of us. During Ryan’s three-week battle for his life, there were some individuals who “flipped out” over my steps in that one particular process based on their belief of how things should have been handled. For them there was real truth in their goals along with their hope, but we also have to be aware that sometimes the prickles are too much in the space that they are growing in, or certain actions are not the right movements to get us to where we want to be even if they work for someone else or there is a theory that says they are the right ones for everyone. As I pass this way again, I am able to see the moments in which my behaviors in the yesterdays would have implied to Ryan that he had not only failed by falling into the weeds to begin with but by also going down into them again and again. Of course, it’s easy to feel that way when we are caught in the midst of breathing in fear and pain, but it also feeds the hell by pushing the possibility and the hope from the light into the shadows for that person when those things were already on the edge for that individual. I understand and feel that now that I have also experienced a similar and yet different circumstance in which I was the person living it while others were the observers on the sideline. I regret that both Ryan and I hadn’t realized sooner that the series of movements that he kept trying to follow through with for years were not the ones that were ever going to help himself imagine what he would look like in a place beyond his substance use. So, what are you strong, powerful and loud enough to do today for you regardless of what you have done again and again on all of the previous days? A little bit at a time, imagine yourself beyond your substance abuse. A little bit at a time step in a different direction while feeling your way to discovering some things that work and others that don’t not that you can’t. A little bit at a time seek help until you find the one that will sit with you while you get all right with all that you are. Most of all recognize that as a work of art you are on an epic journey of trial and error where love and hate are both found in the form of dragons, prickles can hurt you as well as help you reach the light, and weeds are a part of the process leading to the beauty of the person that you are going through all of this with, but you have to look both ways. Have the best day POSSIBLE for you because a little bit at a time you are so very POSSIBLE. Love Always, Heavell
Thanks to the curiosity of some researchers at Brigham and Women’s Hospital, they are gaining new insight into addiction remission after mapping the occurrence of it happening in substance users who suffered a stroke. The technique known as lesion network mapping led to entire brain circuits rather than it being in specific brain regions pointing to new targets for treatment. They found a specific brain circuit for nicotine and another similar one for alcoholism suggesting a potentially therapeutic, targetable neural pathway for addiction in general, rather than addiction to a specific substance. “Now that our study has identified a target-a specific human brain circuit-we hope to test whether targeted neuromodulation to this brain circuit provides sustainable symptom relief to our patients. We have hope that we can make significant strides towards helping patients with substance use disorders”.
Author Juho Joutsa, Brain lesions disrupting addiction map to a common human brain circuit. Published in Nature Medicine https://www.nature.com/articles/s41591-022-01834-y
A little bit at a time and with a little bit of hope, we are imagining so much more…
To express our emotions and our views in an artistic manner, we must picture what our feelings look like on the outside of ourselves and show how we see people, places and things in creative ways. To discover knowledge, we must first envision a theory and then go through the steps that will lead to locating the truth of what’s there. To experience change in both our emotional responses to life and our logic of who we believe we are, we have to imagine bringing ourselves to a different position before we know what it’s actually like to be in that place. Each of those desires, as well as so many other things, rely upon the use of imagination as a part of the series of movements that guides us to what’s possible but not always to what we hope we will find. In today’s picture, the designer of it has placed three inanimate objects where they are together but not together on a board. Visually the space between the items makes their separation obvious and their particular appearances is also another way to see how they are not together but since they are resting in the same location, what would be the reason for them being there? If those things were the visualization of the artist’s feelings, which ones do you imagine they represent? What, then, about that piece of wood that is an obscure part of their togetherness? Would placing them in different positions on that board change what each is capable of? Or what if one or all of those pieces were no longer beneficial in their established role, could they then be used in an unexpected manner? Now turn around and visualize as well as feel some of the weight of the world that you, yourself, are keeping together but not together within you. What if you were to rearrange the positions of your things from front to back or into the shadows from the light? Would what you see and feel then change or remain as they have been established? Can you imagine each being used to bring you to a place other than the one that you have become familiar and comfortable with? One of the most painful and challenging parts of losing Ryan has been in learning to take my intense feelings and repurpose or transform them rather than just move them around or close the door on the mess as had been established by me in the yesterdays. As a work of art in progress, I am also discovering the beauty of those out of the blue wins when my kind of life, a so very heavell one, doesn’t always hold what I hope for, or it throws me off of an emotional cliff into the place where my dragons are not in the form of mystical creatures but are just as scary for me. Today is a good moment for you to take what has been yours to carry and use all or some of it to be loud in expressing yourself in ways that you haven’t imagined were possible because of what has been together but not together in your theories. After all, you never pictured yourself here and yet in this place you are so take the chance to envision, step by step, what you will look like after you leave this particular part of your journey in your matter of time. If you need a reminder on how to imagine more of something, think about how even in epic tales, boxes of tissues have been established to be used for the moments that individuals cry from pain but in a different truth they are just as important when tears stream out of our eyes because we are laughing until our stomachs hurt about those dreaded “f” moments that no longer live in our messes. Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
Thank you, Mom, for always sharing your love of art with us and for teaching us to pay attention to the details because the whole will be all right if the particulars are together, but the entity can’t be what we hope for if the parts are not together even when they are located on the same board or picture or trail or page or whatever.
There are two places on the inside where our particulars provide us with the critique of who we believe we are through what we think and what we feel. In a sense we move back and forth between two distinct poles trying to find a balance with the facts of our lives and our emotions that have the ability to turn an inanimate object into something that we cry about. Even in epic tales, our connection to the fictious characters is in part because they give a voice to the clash that we experience as they go through their trials and tribulations with emotions and logic that are often in conflict. But even though we are linked to those personas whose enduring qualities are the ability to appear as we do, there is something that separates us that is not the easily seen differences of made-up lives versus real ones. In other words, what do those roles use as a tool when they are turning around between the two points of truth and passion in order to continue on against the odds? Perhaps you are thinking that it’s their goal that motivates them? Or maybe you feel that their hope is the key? Both of those are important parts of all journeys, but the answer is actually an obscure thing that is also found in all music, the story of a field, the chaos behind a door, a forest, works of art and so much more. It has the ability to appear in any form in any place, can be found when looking in the mirror, is used in all sorts of ways to facilitate logic and frequently keeps us on the edge of our seats in our desire to experience it. In fact, the definition of that implement is so extensive and colorful that it would need its own series of books in order to hold all of its details. As we pass between what we think about ourselves and how all of it feels, what is the instrument that has been missing from our process that holds the possibility of our being a little more unstoppable even with detours, weeds and falls along our trails? During Ryan’s substance use years, I had a lot of perceived thoughts on his addiction as well as how if he would just do as I say and stop using, everything would be all right. The longer that didn’t happen, the more determined I was to prove that it was literally that simple. I was in essence fixated on that particular thought which when battling things such as fire-breathing dragons is really like throwing a cup of water at it while expecting not to get burned and yet I repeated that for years despite what continued to be replicated. I believe that when we are in that kind of fear-invoking place, or any type for that matter, it becomes easier and easier to be caught between what we think we know, a finished product, and the emotions that help feed the hell. Over time, then, what we have established in ourselves roots us in a pattern that is more likely to ensure that the view on our rides will stay the same and the change we want will be fleeting. So, if our knowledge about ourselves or others and what needs to be done becomes defined by the dreaded “f” word known as fixed, we are leaving out the instrument that turns impossible into “I’m possible” which is the very tool that characters in epic tales’ use. Our critique of ourselves comes from turning around and viewing what has already been with the assumption that we will continue on as we are familiar with. That’s a place on the inside that those personas can’t stay in if they are going to defeat mystical creatures and in our excitement of their narratives, we don’t actually perceive of that movement. Ryan never envisioned becoming an addict nor did I and the length of our time together in that position was in part because we were both established in our thoughts about it as well as ourselves. We wanted out of that hell, but we never actually imagined what that would look like other than to have the goal of his no longer using substances as well as the hope that he would never again. Of course, it is difficult to visualize that as a part of our series of movements, imagination is a key to not only holding on but to transforming a mess. As I turn around and look at the yesterdays, I can see how change has always been enfolding me in ways that I love as well as ones that I hate but together all of it is a part of my work of art in progress that is only limited when I forget to imagine what else is possible along my journey. Stay curious about yourself as you become aware of what has been established in you and then leave room to imagine you as so much more. After all, characters in epic tales are the imagination of writers who always envision those personas going through and you are the creator of your story where you get to imagine climbing emotional cliffs, traversing through the weeds, picking flowers, throwing your hands in the air on your ride as well as slaying your kind of dragons despite those established details of your life. Have the best day POSSIBLE for you as you perceive that fixed becomes a dreaded “f” word, a prickle of sorts, if it encourages you to believe that yesterday’s moments have already established tomorrows before you have even gotten there. Love Always, Heavell
All narratives, written and lived, are not just about the flowers because as works of art they are the stories of the highs and the lows that challenge us to understand that life is really just like the painful and yet rewarding process of creating a bed of roses as well as a wished-for place in the sun that feels out of reach when the view of it is from the midst of our messes. Even those authentic “mystical creatures” that appear to be an impasse on our journeys are a particular of the pitch that slows us down in the weeds so that we may discover that the pursuit of happiness is not merely a place to arrive at but one that lives along the way in the sweet blooms that grow from the things that we never ever imagined could hug our hearts or cause us to cry tears from laughing until our stomachs hurt. It’s hard, though, to imagine let alone see all the details that it takes to be all right wherever you are when the appearance of a finished product or a goal has us believing that we are left empty-handed if we don’t have it or we take too long to get to it. There is an object in my home that is a visual representative of my safe-enough and fear invoking rollercoaster ride as the mother of an addict but to most people, its image is just of an inanimate item used to cover food. The definition of that device is understood but the emotions that are connected to what’s there are where it becomes so very personal. What would you think and feel if you had seen me in the yesterdays collapsed on the floor crying hysterically while holding the empty box of what is meant to be used for enclosing food? Would you have perceived of the summary that it shared about just a part of the whole of Ryan’s life? Would you have been able to sit with me while I “flipped out” even if you didn’t feel the same way about that product or what it represented? The thing about those prickles, or dragons or weeds or triggers or whatever word you want to use, is that they are filled with the unseen distinctive details of our stories that pierce us until our pain and fear finds any kind of voice to express what our hearts need to be heard. Funny thing about those very same prickles is that eventually its possible for them to turn and become the reason for the boxes of tissues that we wipe our tears away with as our pain blooms into the funny memories that we presently laugh about. If you look through those different but still real truths about sharp-pointed outgrowths or pain, it’s the place that you are at that determines which one you are seeing and feeling but it doesn’t mean it’s the only position that you will ever hold. Even now as I reach for that inanimate object, with a smile on my face and in my heart, I loudly announce, “There better be foil in the pantry Ryan!” knowing that wherever he is, he’s smiling with his twinkling blue eyes while yelling back “There is today, Mom!” just as the last year and a half of his life had been, but I also laugh because if it’s not there, I am the reason for it. Once in a while I also pause to think about the yesterdays and how the absence of that food cover had the strength to push me off of a cliff even when the last piece covered our leftovers or how for some time seeing it brought me to my knees with the reminder of the loss of him. I never imagined that such a simple item could become a part of the weight of the world for so long and the problem wasn’t what it was, but rather what it had become on the inside of each of us until that long process that works of art go through changed it again. Now, just a glimpse of it on the shelf reminds me that together we gave everything to battle and slay so many dragons in our epic tale where the sometime warriors in the story fell down a lot while learning that there are always details that we can’t see about each other that lead to the different truths and the understandings that take a word like impossible and rearrange it into the ability to breathe while on a trail in hell. After all, a food covering is just a finished product until we give it power with our emotions that come from our pain as well as our fear. What about those prickles of yours? Have you found any blooms amongst them? What do those look like? Or do you need a moment to just sit with you? Have the best day POSSIBLE for you because it’s most definitely about those prickles and the happiness that can be found as you go through them on your way to wherever your wished-for place in the light is. Love Always, Heavell. Seriously though, Love Always, Heaven and Hell
Have you ever thought about the phrase “life isn’t exactly a bed of roses” and how it’s frequent use is for the purpose of implying that to be able to lay on the soft aromatic petals from those inspiring flowers would be an indication of an existence that was easy and desirable? The fact is that those blooms from those plants are indeed a wonder of color for the eye to see, and their sweet fragrance that permeates the air does entice us to lean in to smell them but what about why they have prickles that protrude from their stems? Or what of the balanced environment that those works of art require to grow in let alone produce their blossoms in comparison to other far more comfortable and yet still awe-inspiring greenery that are more flexible with what’s available to thrive in? Or what about the number of petals that it would take just to make a bed that was soft enough to want to rest there? In other words, it seems that a way of living would be pleasant if it were to only hold the ease of exactly what we hope for as well as our goals, but the real truth is that there is a lot of effort involved, as well as pain just from those sharp-pointed outgrowths, that has to be done to have that desirable place to lay. If we had to repeatedly do that work, over time wouldn’t we become tired of the stress of those flowers while no longer seeing their beauty and reaching to cover our noses to prevent their sweet but now pungent aroma from entering our nostrils? Wouldn’t their value fall and we would begin to wish for something else with the idea that life is unfortunately exactly like a bed of roses? Perhaps those plants would even eventually be perceived of as dreaded weeds? That particular phrase focuses on the beauty of a finished product as proof of a desired existence while leaving out the details that each bloom is merely the silent celebration of the challenging tempo and yet often inconspicuous journey of the whole rose bush that has prickles as a part of its story. Over the years of Ryan’s substance use, I had the strong desire to get to that particular part of my trail where life would be like laying on a bed of rose petals and the more it eluded me, the more desperate I felt to get there and the unhappier I became. Some of my “flipping out” back then was a result of that need as well as my limiting belief that happiness is the absence of problems or challenges and a place where breathing is never ever difficult. I thought that a mess couldn’t hold within it the key to finding different truths that lead to those out of the blue wins so closing the door was a better choice. In essence, I wanted the ease of a finished product without understanding the flexibility and patience required to achieve that while at the same time expecting Ryan not to fall when the prickles or the chaos pierced him. As I pass this way again, I imagine that he also had desired the celebration that is found at the end of a pathway but not the work that was and always will be required to get there. Happiness is what then? Is it a place in the sunlight that you think you see but it’s just out of your reach because you are surrounded by rose bushes that use prickles to clamber over everything in their path in order to get there for six to eight hours a day and don’t care if you get punctured in the process? Is it something that only happens when you can cry the kind of tears that come from laughing until your stomach hurts? Or is it that happiness is not the perfect environment but rather the showing up for you as you treat yourself to the experience of all of you? It’s taken a long time for me to perceive that Ryan’s words of “be grateful for the tough lessons mom” meant that happiness breathes wherever we are, but we have to look both ways in order to admire the beauty of the flowers as well as the sharp-pointed protrusions that pierce us. Happiness, for me, is not a destination but what anything can become if we adjust as we go along especially when in the weeds. I am five days away from the third anniversary of his death and I would happily go through every single dreaded “f” moment again just to see his smile and to feel his hug because our happiness lived as a part of the series of movements of our journey rather than the finished product seen at the end. After all, if you look through, you can see that it is most definitely not just about the flowers because it takes a lot of things just for a plant to even produce a single bud. Have the best day POSSIBLE for you as you discover what happiness is in all the ways you live your so very heavell life. Love Always, Heavell
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