Throughout the history of literature, there has been no better villains in both spoken and written tales than the dragons who were powerful enough to wreak havoc in the lives of all living things and to prevent the completion of heroic journeys. Every single one of them has held the commonality of being typecast as the bad guys in those narratives regardless of their particular looks and skills. Of course, over time those stories evolved the concept that a hero would defeat the dragon, rescue the maiden, free the village or retrieve the sword or jewel that would end the suffering for everyone involved because the need for hope has been around as long as we have. Eventually though, a few epic tales transformed or changed to incorporate the idea that some dragons can be utilized to help us and really aren’t always the villains in a story. So, what about the different kinds of dragons that can be located in our lives that makes us the authentic characters in our own epic tales? Are they always the evil doers that hold us back and compel us to regret our lives while wishing we were in someone else’s story or could some of them have a place in why we are so very possible? Allow me to introduce to you one of my dragons that became my confident and helped me to feel safe enough every time I needed to hide behind it. It would be easy for me to tell you that I discovered it as a result of Ryan’s addiction, like that foil one, but the real truth is that I know it was already hanging around, periodically showing its teeth and claws, long before any of that specific mess occurred. I guess you could say that it helped me to believe that I was powerful every time I suffered but ultimately its fierce voice made it difficult for me to even hear myself let alone anyone else. I’ve come to realize that its once necessary protection has been feeding the hell within me as well as preventing me from writing on the pages of a story of love for myself particularly in the moments where I was falling which is exactly when I needed to keep in touch the most. It did serve a purpose for some time, but transformation doesn’t occur if we don’t see beyond what we are used to like how dragons were said to be invincible and would always win until someone decided to change those narratives with the help of sometime warriors and hope. That companion of mine is simply known as anger, but its armor is a complicated series of scales resulting from a vast emotion filled lifetime so perhaps my appearance of being stoic is really the visual of my inside dragon on the outside protecting me just as my smile has at other times. I hate that “flipping out” has been a response of mine even if it felt so justified but then isn’t that what the purpose of anger or even substance use is as a specific dragon that we utilize in order to keep our messes and our feelings, that vulnerability, hidden behind a door? In other words, this is one of the hardest cliff-hanging lessons that I have had to turn and perceive of but I’m going through with me, and that means all of the authentic person that I am not just the comfortable and convenient parts that I want. There’s a dragon within you as well and perhaps even a few of them but it’s time to feel because you are on your heroic journey and while there will be painful darkness as well as falling along the way, you have always been the best person to write your story so don’t let any villains or companions prevent you from keeping in touch with yourself. Use them to step towards you. After all, hope like light is always possible because we are, and when it comes to finding strength, it still isn’t just about the flowers. There’s a dragon here, in fact they can be located everywhere on any trail, but you can still have the best day POSSIBLE for you based upon what you say to yourself. I hope those words can be found on the pages in a story of love for yourself. Love Always, Heavell
Long ago in the yesterdays, President Theodore Roosevelt expressed his observation that “Comparison is the thief of joy” with the understanding that we often look at the view around us and believe that others are living dream lives, a particular location of happiness, while we are the main characters of the stories where there are lots of fire-breathing dragons to battle and it’s not a joyous place to be. In fact, these epic tales of ours hurt, are challenging and are scary so why would anyone want to be where we are when fables are an option? In essence, though, that thought is like assuming that someone’s smile can only be an expression of contentment or that fairytale narratives have monsters that are easily tamed and toe-stubbing trips rather than falls along their trails or that by seeing a part of an individual means that we really know the whole person. I can honestly say that over the years of Ryan’s addiction that I wished for, prayed for, begged for and hoped for a different storyline which of course is a normal response to the chaotic and painful details that I never envisioned being on my pages. Who dreams of substance use as a part of his or her life? Yeah, I don’t know anyone who wants that either, but it shows up every day to all kinds of people even those who smile or have a life that seems magical. My comparison of my life to what I saw on the outside of others kept me walking in circles and “flipping out” for far longer than it should have. Ryan felt that way too which only encouraged him to not believe in his story of love, leaving that part of his narrative blank as he read and re-read what he hated about himself also for far longer than it should have. Comparing ourselves to others, however, does have a place in our lives but not in the way that we most often use it which is to devalue ourselves. It is actually a part of the series of movement of our grief process where we feel scared and angry about what has been and deny as well as close the door on those things. That thief of joy will stay that way within us until we take the time to feel it with the understanding that it is the step that is meant to encourage us to write on the pages where our story of love for ourselves is located. What would you say there? This is your rollercoaster ride, your journey, your epic tale and leaving pages empty and not taking the time to feel all that you are is what is stealing your happiness not being in the wrong story or location or falling or BLAH. For me, Ryan’s substance use was a narrative that I wanted to run from but couldn’t and I eventually became grateful for that because he and I found ourselves there. Yes, the word is found because it’s easy to compare ourselves to others and to want what we think they have when the real truth is that we are going through with what we have and it is powerful enough to slay any dragon as long as we take the time to feel and keep adding to our tools; especially in the parts of the story of love that only we can each write about ourselves. Have the best day POSSIBLE for you and if your heart hurts, you are grieving so find one thing that you love about yourself and take the time to feel it again and again and again until you find a new word to add. After all it isn’t just about the flowers but sometimes, we need to remember that we have them as often as we view our weeds. Love Always, Heavell
Grief is a powerful and heart wrenching word that we define as being what we feel from the devastating loss of someone important to us, but the real truth is that kind of misery is always enfolding us in our so very heavell lives not just when a person leaves this world. It breathes in all of the moments that we have fallen, become lost, find fear holding our hand, can’t breathe, want to kick a can as hard as we possibly can, don’t want to do something, want to hide, “flip out” and feel doubt. In other words, our epic tales are filled with a variety of distressing events along our trails as a part of the process, the steps, that our hearts go through in recognizing the losses, the embarrassments, the beauty, the wins and the love. So, ask yourself “How are you in this moment?” and if you find that your heart hurts, add the term grief to a page in a story of love for yourself. After all, love isn’t just about being amongst the flowers or the easy moments but rather our sitting with ourselves and others as we grieve for everything that has been no matter how any of it came to be. Have the best day POSSIBLE for you and always be kind as you look in the mirror and ask yourself “How are you?” as often as you query others. If you or anyone you know needs a reminder that it is all right to not always be all right, there is hope in the lifeline of 988. You can call or text that number or chat at 988lifeline.org Love Always and big, big Hugs, Heavell
In the words of Poet and Best-selling Author Alexandra Vasiliu:
My darling, be patient with yourself, healing takes time, healing implies kindness, healing means change, becoming is not easy. Be patient with yourself, you are gardening your soul. Some flowers are meant to bloom later.
Over the past week, I took the opportunity to ask a variety of people if they could tell me what they would put in a story of love about themselves. Dead silence followed every time I asked that question and while it was obvious each person was searching for some sort of an answer, not one could come up with a response to that very thought-provoking and important query. The last individual, after recognizing that he did not know what to say about himself, then asked me ” well what would you put in your story of love?” I smiled as I recognized that he was uncomfortable with my question, and then I laughed as I admitted that I feel as he feels. The real truth is that those particular pages in my epic tale could absolutely benefit from my taking the time to express some sweet talk as often as I have been known to lay or even roll around in my weeds. It is, of course, far easier to fire-off our thoughts of affection about someone else or even some particular object but when it comes to ourselves, that knowledge tends to be pushed so far into the shadows that it isn’t easily seen nor felt. I really had a difficult time understanding why Ryan couldn’t locate the wonderful parts of himself, to give him hope, during his addiction years and I even tried to remind him of his value by repeatedly nudging him with what I saw as the beauty of him. I realize, now, it actually isn’t an easy task for most of us to do unless of course you happen to be an author who writes a grand story of love and knows exactly how to make the characters appear to be authentic or you have added that specific tool to your repertoire and don’t want to miss a thing about your life knowing it makes you the only you. It certainly would be simpler if we could lean in and experience the affection that others have for us as if our hearts were whispering those words to ourselves, but it doesn’t really work that way now does it? Can you imagine looking into the mirror and smiling at yourself as a part of your journey towards emotional and mental wellbeing? You know like in those show-up moments where you need you to be there as the person you are guaranteed to go through with? What would you say in that moment? Maybe the reason why we struggle with endearing terms for ourselves is because a mess or a dragon or our pain along the way does feel so much louder and stronger that we can’t move our view especially when we are in the midst of it? And what if it’s complicated by our being uncomfortable with our belief of that kind of sweet talk so we haven’t yet realized its importance in our series of movements in taking care of ourselves? That voice, though, isn’t supposed to just reference what we love about ourselves because its other purpose is to sit with us in the difficulties of the dreaded “f” moments while encouraging us to try something different to find those out of the blue wins. In other words, they are meant to feel like a hug in our hearts in all the ways that we actually live in our so very heavell lives. So, what would I say in my story of love about myself? Well, that answer really began to form yesterday after I asked yet another person about her narrative who by the way quickly had a response to my query. My answer is that I love the place that I am at on my ride. It’s one that I have passed by many times before but finally in this moment, I am able to no longer hide my feelings or my mess from myself. My smile is a former cover for what has hurt sometimes very badly, and the term stoic has left my emotional definitions because I don’t need it anymore to feel safe. Both of those things did serve a purpose in the yesterdays but today I am showing up and if I “flip out”, I know it means that I need to sit with me while whispering some sweet talk to myself until I can move again. I recognize that “I’m sorry” and “I forgive you” are phrases that belong on the pages of my narrative for me because it has always been all right for each of us to not always be all right. It’s what we eventually do with what’s there that matters, that transformation, and besides, why else would there be boxes and boxes of tissues for us to use? The answer to that query probably belongs in our sweet talk as well because what we think makes us weak often is really how we become strong. Have the best day POSSIBLE for you as you figure out what you would say in a story of love about yourself. Love Always, Heavell
Today we are sharing a very brief video of Julian Rosen. He is a “Head Coach” whose words are the results of his transforming what “not being all right along his journey” has meant into what positively impacts him today. It’s a glimpse into his epic tale. The title of his clip is “Why Men Should Cry” Thank you @julianrosen_ for sharing a piece of your narrative with us.
When it comes to our ability to describe our passion in relation to someone or something else, rarely do we find ourselves at a loss for words because we allow ourselves to feel as we feel and then to say what’s there without hesitation. In other words, our storyline works whenever we are speaking about what is on the outside of us but when it comes to expressing love for ourselves, our effort is far less than it should be or even non-existent especially if things have not gone as we had hoped. Maybe it’s because we are so focused on the accumulation of flowers and whether or not ours are lacking in some way or perhaps it’s that we think that by having dreaded “f” moments, we have already lost and are now defined as impossible. Of course, wins or the achievement of goals are important but when it comes to substance use, the steps to achieve those things need the whole of you, what you are actually going through with. So, it’s not that a fall or repeated falls is an indication that you can’t get there, but rather that your focus on the win, that elusive future flower, is preventing you from utilizing all of your tools in this moment, the place where you can be found in your storyline. We do have to get comfortable with the things that are not all right within ourselves, but we also have to give equal time to a story of love that lives in our epic tales but is often hidden in the shadows or edited out because of the presence of weeds. The answer has seemed as if all effort should be put into stopping the use of substances while hanging on, it certainly was what I wanted Ryan to do, but if you think about those grand tales that we so love, the authentic characters get scared, doubt, hate and lose their way on the inside until at some point they remember not a perfect love story full of flowers but the one that reminds them that they are possible which helps them to move, to believe, once again without that guarantee of a win. So, what are you to you? When you tell your narrative to yourself, you need to state your love for you as often as you nudge yourself with your weeds. Otherwise, you are not using the whole of you and your basic tools, like holding on, will only get you so far on your trail and that would be like dangling from a cliff with the hope that only one of your hands is required to keep you safely in that place. This is me and I am a dreaded “f” moment maker in parts of my epic tale, but my rollercoaster ride also includes a developing story of love for myself, the very person I am guaranteed to go through all of this with. A story of love where the occasional flowers are beautiful and the laughter feels good, but the weeds are where I get to learn to show up for, to really love myself in all the moments and ways that I actually live a so very heavell life. I hadn’t realized that my own words were at angle and that they didn’t take care of me when I needed them most until a foil dragon became my nemesis by becoming Ryan’s tool to hang on with. I also didn’t imagine that he would be the one to remind me that we are each an evolving story of love that at times feels so unwelcoming because of the presence of prickles that hurt and our “flipping out” moments but then that’s how impossible was found to be “I’m possible”, the passion for ourselves, in a different truth of those very same hard lessons. Have the best day POSSIBLE for you and today when you look in that mirror, be kind as you learn to straighten your words so that you may speak of a story of love for yourself. Love Always, Heavell
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