The journey to write a novel is often a very long one and along the way, all authors have moments in which their words and their creativity stagnate. In fact, the longer that they find themselves in a place of inaction, the harder it is to move from what has become familiar into a position that allows the expansion of their polarization in order to create the ideal experience for their readers. It is even possible for them to have moments where they don’t feel that they have what it takes to go through because essentially it can take hundreds of thousands of words in the wrong direction for them to find the right ones in another area. So, while writers use phrases to bring the particulars of the characters, the plot, the setting, the conflict and the resolution into being, we navigate the very same things authentically and although the realistic dragons in our stories are often invisible to others, they still hold the same ability to destroy us as well as “the forest” that surrounds us just like the make-believe ones in novels portray. After all, our journeys and the missteps that accompany us happen because we experience life while the details are what place us within an account or on the outside as the observers. Where will you find yourself tomorrow? Will it still be the place where you located all of the ways that didn’t work for you? Or will you expand your view and add to the terms that you are already comfortable with? You know those intimate ones that you have been carrying along your trail that are no longer contributing to your story in an ideal manner? Did you know that self-doubters assume that their words will be meaningless before they are even placed on a page despite the real truth that every term written brings them a step closer to what they hope to create as an author? That’s another aspect that we share in our kind of lives where we feel confined by our emotions and encounters, resulting in different types of inaction, but each one holds the possibility of getting to know ourselves better. You see we all have moments where our value fluctuates and some feel far worse than others do for whatever reason or no particular event at all, but it is still who we are and all of it is always all right. When we believe that our trails have to be sunny, free of debris and full of blooms because it appears to be so for others, we fail to find our specific way which means that we are not being authentic but rather flat walk-on characters in a story that we are actually creating about ourselves. I remember desperately wanting Ryan to “value” himself during his substance use years, but you know what, I was actually making him feel worse because there is merit in all the ways that we feel life not just in the fabulous or fun parts. I am now learning to be with every detail of me, but I wish I had understood long ago how important all feelings and things are in the process of our showing up for ourselves as the real personas in epic tales. Yeah, I still have moments where I hate the BLAH, but change is more about our finding words that help us enfold feelings like that because if we close the door on that mess, we are telling ourselves there is something wrong with us which will never be in our best interest or encourage us to move the plot or to embrace the weeds that touch us as life really is. Ryan, in the last year or so of his life, frequently reminded me to be grateful for the tough lessons and my response was always “Nope, I hate them!” but in the past three years since he died, I am really beginning to feel his phrase as I have been finding words to help me navigate a trail that isn’t what I wished for and sometimes throws me off of a cliff right into the prickles or has me up against a fire-breathing dragon that scares me. While you are finding words, be kind to you by giving yourself a moment to feel what you feel as a part of your experience and of course always have a box of tissues nearby in case there are tears from pain or laughter. In other words, it’s not where you are on the outside but where you are on the inside that matters. Have the best day POSSIBLE for you in all the ways that you live your epic tale. Love Always, Heavell
When we don’t know ourselves well enough as the main characters in our personal stories and we become polarized about only one of our details, we fall into what is known as one-dimensional thinking where a particular part becomes what we believe defines us. In a way by focusing on whatever that thing is, our view dims and the shadow of it then spreads out like a thick mist that cloaks everything within us, even the sunniest places in our hearts. Of course, it’s not that that specific BLAH isn’t important, it is a piece of us, but it is only so in some of the moments in our lives rather than all of them. It’s hard to ignore the loud voice of what hurts, though, because if we feel it, it must mean it is the truth about us. How can we write a love story about ourselves, then, if the words that should express what is good about us are always being enfolded by our terms that know what we don’t want or even hate about ourselves? In other words, how do we make sense of who we are as feeling individuals that are making our way on our inner journeys as well as traversing in our outside lives when what we say or fail to say to ourselves has the ability to throw us off of a cliff even when we are currently filled with hope on a debris-free, level trail? Imagine a story where the lead character is the exact definition of what you think beauty looks like. Words flow from that persona in the right tone as well as being the perfect choice in every moment. His or her location is ideal because the weather is always the proper mix of sunshine and rain allowing for a bouquet of flowers to be on the table at all times without having to find them. The home is always clean because no one ever makes a mess there. There are no rocks to stumble over, no glimpses of other views to feel bad about, no conflict and no uncertainty. That character even smiles while sleeping because there isn’t any anger, worry, hurt or feelings of inadequacies or mystical creatures to defeat. There isn’t even a need for words like hope and wishes because knowing what they feel like on the inside doesn’t fit with the easiness of replicating a matching view each day. Nor is there a necessity for understanding or curiosity because what is seen at first blush will be found in all of the sightings just like when we are polarized about a detail as being the definition of ourselves or someone else. With the turn of each page in that story, the same information will be repeated over and over and if that’s an accurate depiction of what is hoped for, then why would anyone want or need to see what’s around the bend or find other flowers when he or she could just stay safely there? Perhaps, though, the real truth is that that seemingly easy narrative holds a surprise plot twist where it’s really an account of a battle with a hidden dragon on the inside of that person. The kind of fire-breathing mystical creature that makes change impossible by using an individual’s desire not to feel the things that he or she doesn’t want to prevent him or her from venturing more than a few steps away from what is comfortable and familiar. That, of course, leads to remaining right where he or she is not unlike what we ourselves do in our own stories. Today or any day for that matter is a good day to move the plot in your epic tale by asking yourself where will you be tomorrow in your heart? What will you say there, and will it include at least one word of love for yourself that you have given yourself a moment to discover? Some of the most devastating dragons to ever inhabit our epic tales exist in the shadows of our feelings that we express in our words even when no one else can see, hear or experience them. Move your plot so that the BLAH is present in only some of your moments because it was never meant to be the only thing you believed about yourself. After all, you are not a one-dimensional, flat, walk-on character in someone else’s account but rather the writer as well as the main character in your own epic life. Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
Do you think that you would have acted differently in your life if the process of “living through your feelings” entailed only what can be found on an easy trail where the sun is always shining, and blooms are in abundance and there are no rocks to trip you? Or what if the feelings that occupy you were the results of battles with mystical creatures? Would they be acceptable then? What if those familiar feelings that live so loudly in you still found a way to come together even if the events and backdrop were changed on your journey? How would you feel about that? About you? Life would certainly feel easier if the things along our rides didn’t forge who we are but then we are not living as bland expressionless walk-ons in a story who move through emotionally charged moments without feeling them. Perhaps the problem is that it sounds so much more interesting to talk about a fire-breathing dragon that is determined to prevent you from reaching your goal then it is to say that your feelings, which have burning super-powers too, have you walking in circles and unable to commit to moving forth? Or maybe it’s that you never envisioned this BLAH as a part of your life so now you don’t feel safe enough going through with you as the writer? Of course, it could also be that after stumbling and falling enough times that it feels like the power of hope is an insufficient tool when facing the kinds of weeds that can move even on a calm day. It’s the touch in our hearts of those kinds of personal feelings that makes us who we are as individuals. In other words, being authentic means, the feelings that we know inhabit us and that includes the ones we don’t want. A change of location to a flat, debris-free trail where we can stop to sit in fields of flowers, then, would certainly appear to be the better choice to stroll on but the truth is that we can’t really see the thorns on those blooms or what is waiting around the bend to pounce upon us which is what our lives are really like no matter what we think we perceive is on another trail. We can even do everything right and still have it all go horribly wrong because this is life, and we live it. An extended family member was happily on a sun-filled journey that he loved when he was tragically killed three weeks ago at the age of 23. That person was Ryan’s younger brother and the remaining son of a father as well as the last brother of three sisters and the only son of a mother. The loss of that one person will bring unfathomable pain to the trails of many even if they were on what looked like the better path or don’t want to be pierced by the thousands of thorns found in the anguish of loss. By each of us being an original, we hold a contradiction of feelings that continually enfold us in a little and a lot of ways that often leave us painfully unsure of ourselves as well as life. Every day, though, we get to decide what we are going to say to ourselves even when we are thinking about what we could have done differently in the yesterdays, or we wish we could change our backdrops. So where will you be tomorrow in your heart? Will you write about what inhabits you and will that include a story of love for yourself in the exact setting that you are “living through your feelings” now? It is, after all your better story. Have the best day POSSIBLE as an original. Love Always, Heavell
Imagine yourself at the beginning of a trail that looks like it will be effortless because in the distance you can see the sunlight streaming through the trees, that the edges of the path are lined with small grasses as well as blooms, and that the walkway is level as well as free from debris. So, with positive feelings about being there and the hope that it’s going to lead to a beautiful place, you move forward with curiosity into what is unfamiliar with the idea that it will be a relatively easy task and that you’ve got this. You admire your surroundings along the way and smile as birds happily flit from tree to tree and you breathe in the fresh air but as time drags on and the location remains out of your view, your excitement and pace begin to slow down. Suddenly you realize that the uncomplicated trail has evolved into twists and turns and has periodic cliffs and that those little clumps of sweet grasses on the sides have been replaced with dense weeds that are narrowing the trail and somehow seem to be moving even though it’s a calm day. The question of “why did I even commence on this journey?” starts to creep into your thoughts, distracting you, and you stumble over a rock that you didn’t even notice. So, now you lower your sight to keep from tripping again, but instead end up falling into a bush that has prickles because you didn’t see a tree branch that was hanging across the path. As you pick yourself up, you get a glimpse through that thicket of an individual on a different trail who is holding a bouquet of flowers and smiling. You don’t know what that person had to go through to get those blooms, but that grin feels like a thorn in your heart and the emotions that gave you the courage and the belief to begin your journey slip silently into the shadows. You turn and look at what you went through and wish you were back at the start where safe enough existed and life was at least familiar. You then rotate and look towards the unknown, wary of what has yet to be, and doubt whether you can continue especially since there isn’t a guarantee that you will like what you find. Even that powerful voice of hope that you heard so clearly for so many steps has become merely background noise while those weeds are thicker, and you can’t move without them touching you. Do you go through, or do you go back? Or will you walk in circles for your matter of time unable to commit to either? Now replace the details of this imaginary story with the particulars that can be found in your kind of life. It seems like life is easy when we only have positive emotions but without the negative ones, we wouldn’t even be able to recognize and enjoy the favorable ones. Our difficulties lie not in the emotions that we don’t want but in our not giving ourselves a moment to be curious as to why they are there and when we don’t pause to hear them, our personal experiences turn emotions into feelings whose voices are really loud and get expressed in ways that immobilize us. It seems like life is easy on a different trail or in a narrative where you can just skip the parts that you don’t want or at a new location but then that wouldn’t be the better story about you and all the authentic ways that you have encountered life. Today is a good day to be curious about the debris that has been tripping you up. Feel it because it is always all right to not always be all right just like it is in all grand narratives and then ask yourself “how would I like to see myself dealing with it now” while giving yourself some time to answer. After all, we share more than you realize through our emotions but it’s the particulars of our personal experiences that makes us who we are and it’s why we have to show up for ourselves. Oh, hell and the movement of the weeds can happen on a calm day because they are like just like unseen rocks on a trail or dragons that appear out of nowhere that cause us to stumble and fall no matter where we are or how positive and hopeful, we are. Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
We apologize for the delay of including a link to our partner website. We had some serious weeds to move through and while we are still dealing with some debris, we are excited about the possibilities and the tools that Skywriting.net can bring to our journeys.
The longer we experience something that is painful, the closer it stays to us in our hearts and our minds making even an event from years ago feel like it happened yesterday. Its then hard for us to imagine what we would look like beyond the place that we have found ourselves in. In a sense those very real memories get in our way and although our journeys continue to ramble on every day, we never actually move from a particular page or out of a single chapter in our own stories. It’s no wonder why our authenticity looks and sounds so much better as the details of a character whose trail finishes in a few sections of a novel then it does when we are living it. In other words, we are terribly misrepresented in the very accounts that we are the authors of while the thickness of the weeds, the sharpness of the prickles that cut us to the core and the dragons that wreak havoc are getting far more attention as the villains. It would seem then that we could all use a little love and a lot of understanding to take what’s too close to us and look through it so that we can actually see why we are always so possible wherever we are rather than continue to pass this way again and again hoping that the view will somehow be different without us having to be. After Ryan died, I found it impossible to move forward. The easy answer is because he no longer exists in this world and the complicated reply is that losing him was a painful experience that will always stay close by in my heart and my mind making it challenging for me to go ahead. He was, after all, “my substance” and continuing on without the benefit of him wasn’t what I wanted as a part of my journey which, perhaps surprisingly, has helped me to understand how difficult it was for Ryan to see himself coping in his life without the assistance of “his substance” that he had gotten used to. Of course, there is no comparison between a life and an inanimate object like a drug dragon or someone’s painful experience to another’s because the details are what separate every story just as they do us, but we can perceive of why letting go and moving forward is far more complicated in a little and a lot of ways for everyone. There are so many moments where any type of pain can show up and affect us, causing falls, without our realizing it or others for that matter. For instance, I am learning to belt out Ryan’s and my favorite songs without the support of his off-key voice and no you don’t want to hear me either. I do it for the both of us, but I could also choose to never ever sing again or move forward from that former comfortable duet into my somewhat embarrassing solo act, justifiably so because of my pain. I am also discovering that taking better care of myself means adding words to my story of love which apparently, I have needed to figure out although I thought only Ryan did because of his coping through substances. When we spend years battling any kind of mystical creatures and keeping painful memories close to us, suffering and grieving along the way, it’s easy to forget that loving all that we really are is an invincible tool that obliterates dragons, slices through weeds and knocks the points off of those damn prickles giving us those out of the blue wins even when things don’t go as we hope. It’s hard, scary and exciting not knowing who I am becoming as well as not having the guarantee that tomorrow will be exactly what I want especially since those yesterday’s definitely didn’t go as I had envisioned. The fear of the unknown and my pain has held me back, but I can truthfully say now through tears, a little laughter and a lot of tissues that what has already been, was an epic section of the ride of my life that is still being written. So how are you? Are you keeping things close to you that you need to change your view on? Yeah, I feel you and it’s understandable, but it also may be time to value it in a little and a lot of different ways. I get it, it’s complicated by the fact that you are used to it being by your side but start with one word of love for yourself and hold onto that as your sword while you are both kind and loud in all that you are, particularly in those moments in the weeds. Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
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