So many things happen as we are exposed to the elements of life and along with our resulting marks, seeds of distrust for ourselves are planted that have the ability to devastate the old growth of our experiences, dreams and hopes as well as the future ones.
We never forget the person that we were before, during and after an event because, prior to, we believe that we had some sort of understanding of ourselves that was changed when darkness began operating and we often spend a multitude of moments quietly wanting to get back to that familiar position of being.
Logic can provide a certain amount of safety in our everyday lives but when it comes to the complexities of emotions, that reasoning has no ability to help with the war of pain, leaving us stagnant in a lop-sided and vulnerable place in our very own homes.
We do not know how to feel valuable while containing things that we think depreciate us and the demands of the repetitive songs of sorrow have us seeking closure through the avoidance and the cloaking of uncomfortable feels in order to just to hang on.
If we maintain the expression of our natural language that has proven to not help us with processing previous grief, then how can we confidently go forward where unhappy weather is always possible while continuing to navigate from that same mindset?
We have been in overwhelming darkness not only because of situations, emotions and confusion but as a result of the magnification of the ideas that we are unworthy if we hold those marks and that silence is better for everyone else even though that means we carry on with the weight of the world.
To feel we are worth keeping, we have to want to validate what we have believed made us disposable because pain cannot be argued away or kept quiet but it is possible for us to learn to live in the absence of light without being miserable.
Words are missing from our pages despite already having the details and some of the knowledge to place them there and just because we don’t love all that can be written, it doesn’t mean that flowers won’t eventually grow from them nor that we won’t ever be happy because of them.
Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
Today is the current location of the magic of our art as we reside between the downward forces of yesterday’s stumbling practices and the hopeful progress of the tomorrows.
The past holds how we have done everything up until this very moment and what we feel we look like on those already turned pages creates the desire to separate ourselves from the unhappiness and what we believe to be the examples of our weaknesses on the next ones.
We are, after all, vulnerable in the messages of our old steps that didn’t match what our wishes held and certainly their lack of support for us is the reason why we would want to move our direction forward unaccompanied by their voices.
Carrying on without some of who we are, though, leaves us standing outside of ourselves existing in individual, breathing shelters made up of loneliness and painted smiles that own us far more than any of the marks from our prior days could ever do.
Being our authentic selves is a balancing act of the things that we consider to be worthy of our laughter, admiration, tears and heart-break along with the rest of the experiences that live in the midst of both of our light and dark moments.
Often our footing isn’t stable in at least some of our details while other areas remain completely steady so letting go of the connections that we have with ourselves whispers to our hearts that we are broken when really, the problem has always been how we have viewed the particular decay of our hurt within our gardens.
We can’t heal what we surround with the sound of silence and when we cloak parts with darkness to prevent those mixed emotions from holding us back, we are actually stopping ourselves from not only adding to our stories of love but also the very progression that we have been dreaming of.
There is courage in having made it to this exact spot just as there has been fear and there are genuine grins that have consistently appeared with the pain and if we wish to give ourselves a chance at change, we have to dance a little more with the idea that having a hard time going through has more to do with our uncomfortableness of being whole narratives then it does with a lack of sunlight or flowers that don’t show up as we had hoped they would.
Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
All journeys have rough spots along their paths but our movements on them are made even harder with the presence of the out of tune beats that also call us home as well as the thoughts that throw shade onto our hopes despite our other ones inspiring us to believe.
Even in our dreaming of change, we imagine those particular items of ours being left behind as if they never existed to begin with but the reshaping of ourselves most often means to repurpose the materials that we already have by carrying and using them differently in our hearts and minds.
Our old way of love or defeating of ourselves has had the means to dismantle the colors and the words of our very existence and while it has served a purpose, that familiar feature of ours will persist in leaving us feeling lonely until we are willing to be vulnerable enough to embrace what we have been trying so diligently to avoid.
The strategy of transformation is not to encourage our separation from the details of ourselves but to stir-up what its like to be us by expanding our view of the dark zones that have entrapped our unique exchanges in life with the rooted emotional energy of our pain.
Complicating our moves to deal with those feels is another dragon of sorts that makes its appearance to remind us of the comfortableness of continuing to cope as we always have and we breathe that noise in because its scary to work through what hurts and it’s even more so without the safety of the shields that have gotten us this far.
Figuring out what works involves the back and forth motion of repeatedly trying without having the guarantee that our seeds will ever bloom but what we don’t do today will still be available tomorrow and no matter how creative we get with our movements, so will our pain.
We can, however, choose to apply the past in our current moments by dancing with the authentic-ness of every one of our tunes as we acquire the skills to quietly let our suffering parts know that we are with them and that it will take our matter of time to do that thing of being all right in both the darkness and the light of ourselves.
Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
No matter their size or where they fall, every raindrop has a place in the evolution of a garden just as each of our experiences has an influence in the unfolding of ourselves.
Sometimes that moisture flows to specific spots and we are happy for it to be there and yet along with those right moments are the ones in which erosion occurs as well as periods of drought as a part of the whole movement.
In our real time processing, though, what comfortably reverberates in our thoughts and feelings are the views of those unwanted marks and subsequently the roots that invade our plots as the results of those things.
We are, after all, use to the habit of holding items within ourselves as we always have and it is often harder to let go of how we carry that noise then it is to actually release what has happened on our journeys.
We can’t change what we surround with the sound of silence because it’s very presence implies that we are defined by the “f” word known as failure and if that weight breathes within us, even our hope won’t believe in our ability to defeat any kind of a dragon.
Somewhere along the way, we quietly transformed from the understanding that contact with negative events is a part of our training to thinking that we are stuck with the materials of missteps and unhappy feelings with no method through despite having done so many times before.
We don’t live in the yesterdays but we have existed in them and to find what we think we have lost in those details of our stories, we have to recognize that our previous practices actually did serve our objectives. However, since we are no longer there, we now have to repurpose that old love for ourselves into a new love that will work for us today.
The goal isn’t some location or an item around the bend or to only be in the sun but rather for us to be the glimmer in the weeds, the shelters in the storms and the reasons why flowers even exist.
Remember, there is room in the garden for everything because seeds need nourishment from all of the different pieces of their ecosystem and even though we don’t like it, that magic happens to be the same activity that occurs in the revealing of our beauty as well.
In a story of time, the development of our gardens has an ebb and a flow but the vibe our happiness relies upon our showing up with our color of love in the moments where what has been planted is hidden in the shadows of its messiness and the creases of its destruction.
Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
Each day brings the possibility of changing the narrative of the person who lives at the end of our pen and that adjustment of materials begins with moving away from our expectations that have not helped us to recognize our strengths to taking slow steps forward with the intent of viewing how our perception of that vibe has had us thinking that it is missing from us when really we just haven’t noticed it’s quiet presence.
We have, after all, written all of our previous pages with the kind of guidelines that have encouraged us to believe that there is courage in coping with the incoming days in the same manner that we have ignored the visits of our emotional energy in the previous ones even though to find our joy we have to learn to live through the process as we go along it.
The small talk about our emotions implies that it makes sense to surround some of our details with silence because we no longer live in those places but we are rooted in the grief of what has been plus the ache of what never occurred there either and it is in our movements as well.
The tomorrows are the unpredictable spots in our stories and if we appear as strangers to ourselves in those locations, we will discover that love and forgiveness still have no purpose on our sheets while our unwanted feelings will have more voices to whisper that its dark because something is wrong with us.
Hope can’t change what we are repeating from our experiences in the yesterdays nor can keeping busy on the outside but we can by spending time with what hurts so that if we fall off the edge again, we know exactly what we need in order to get back up once more.
Simply, if unhappy feelings were truly the definition of weakness, then there wouldn’t be so many people who avoid dealing with those dragons but we all do in various ways because they are actually the toughest beasts and we fear we will not be able to survive engaging with them so it feels easier to pretend that they don’t even exist.
Within the dances of our struggles are unexpected moments of light that appear to be far away because we are entangled in our weeds and the marks that they have left on our hearts but it isn’t the distance between us and those beams that makes us feel worse but rather the sound of silence that encompasses what has happened that leaves no room for us to grow into anything else.
This is you and this is also me and it isn’t just about the flowers because every single thing that we are has to find its place in the sun otherwise our art will be to cast the shadows of the yesterdays upon today while wondering why we don’t have the ecosystems whose frequencies are filled with celebrations.
Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
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