The difficulties that each of us face on our trails in this so very heavell life are unlike anyone else’s; despite the similarities that can and do live there. What we can find, though, in those familiar moments is an awareness for someone else’s pain; or a happiness for the celebrations. We cannot, however, decide how a person should feel or even cope through the things that can carry the weight of the world for that individual. There is a distinct difference between having an excuse for the choices we make and holding an understanding of how those choices came to be. The first one continues the cycle and the second one opens us up to change. There are reasons for why we feel the way we do; having come together as only they can on the inside of each of us. If we use the apples known as judgement, justification and denial, those causes will keep us chained to the hell; helping to create the victims and the monsters within ourselves and or others. By seeing the moments that have happened in our lives and our reactions to them, we can find grace for ourselves; as well as for others. We are then able to take the power away from those so very painful moments of the yesterdays; to become stronger from the hell. I understand how Ryan came to the point where he turned to drugs to cope in his life. It was a painful process getting there for him as well as for myself. I am also able to perceive of how the non-believers came to judge him and his choices in life; while denying their own. That insight is meant to help give us another perspective from another position; even if it is a green truth. Knowing the pieces of how we fell yesterday, whether an addict or not, enables us to step differently in the tomorrows; to bring about the change for the better. Somewhere along the way, we each have judged, excused, hidden and enabled the very things that we actually needed to find an understanding for. When we are in a place that we do not want to be in, it is hard to breathe, be brave and to step; feeling overwhelmed by the anything and the everything. Who better to see and to speak about the all that has come together on the inside than you? And then to change that? It’s all right that you haven’t coped well in life; hell has never ever been an easy place to just be. What if you were to love, hate, accept and change every part of you? You are a circle of heavell and as such you are a whole; regardless of what others may say or you believe. Here’s to me, Ryan, the non-believers, as well as you as perfectly, irritatingly, messy people who have and hold both heaven and hell; on the inside as well as the outside of us. In different and similar moments, we are the dreams and the nightmares that are essential along the way; who fall into hell and stand with the help of our sometime warriors. Please hold on to you because you are the beauty that can be found no matter where you are.
The most important perception of the all that has been is found on the inside of ourselves; and yet we look to the outside for confirmation. If we don’t listen to the voices from our little boxes of feelings, we become fractured; walking in circles or even altering our state of being. Sometimes in that need to be perceived of, we place our values on others or accept what they say of us; even when it may be a green truth. Ryan was unheard in some of the moments, unseen in others and blamed for what was not his to carry; on the inside and the outside of him. Happy people do not alter their state of being but unhappy people do everyday; sometimes in secret and at other times publicly but always painfully. In any given moment, there is you and there are others who each see from their position but what is not there is the consideration of every part; of everyone. What is in my words will not change this for anyone else but me. What is in yours, though, holds your superpower or fall as the heavell keeper of your life; whether an addict or not. Tell me how you feel so that I may know you and view what you see from your position. More importantly, though, speak so that you may remember the all of you. You are the perfect person to understand you and to share that; in your matter of time. Be amazed at what it has taken for you to fall and to rise; because they have never ever been simple things to do. Go through, as only you can, so that you may do this better; at the very least for you. A mess on the inside can be seen through words and actions but sometime warriors exist just for those moments, parts and the BLAH; in order to help lift us up. So what if there are “f” moments along the way? It only matters if you continue to feed the hell rather than pick your own weeds; and smell your own flowers. The beauty is that you have always had a little bit of heaven in you but you have to look in your mirror to see it. Hold on because another moment is coming and it has always mattered what you do with them; as an essential part of the circle of heavell.
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