Member of the group “Parents of Drug Addicts” | Advocates for Sobriety and Emotional Definitions | Life Learner | Standing Strong in Heavell
The first time I used the words drug addiction was in 1988. I was describing my husband to someone.
It was a matter of fact statement and I didn’t even know what those words meant. I didn’t know that beyond the dictionary definition of those words were the emotional, mental and financial definitions too. The second time I used the words drug addiction to describe someone was in 2005. This time it wasn’t my ex-husband but instead was my 17 year old son. All those definitions that I had learned from being married to and divorced from my ex went out the window when I realized my son was using drugs. It seemed as if I were back to square one with no knowledge of what drug addiction meant because it means different things for different people. In fact it means different things for people whether they are personally affected by it or not. Sober or not. Its not that the dictionary definition changes but it’s the emotional response to those words that changes. I felt differently about my ex-husband using drugs versus my son using drugs. I divorced my ex. I couldn’t divorce my son.
After the discovery of my son’s drug addiction, I spoke with a police officer in 2005 and I said to him, “What do I do? I don’t know what to do…”. His response to me was “You let them go. That’s what I did. You let them go.” I stared at this officer for what seemed like five minutes but probably was only 30 seconds or so. I turned away. All I could think was “that’s not happening”. I didn’t want to be so right in life that I lost my son. That attitude of that officer would be repeated by a multitude of people for years to come but that only made me more determined to find the answers.
Over the past twelve years I have walked down many roads with my son in search of the answers. I have spoken with addicts and with their parents. We have stood while some succeeded, while some failed and when some died. We have breathed during the good times and laid in a heap during the bad times. We have attended rehabs. We have listened. We have done. We have lost and won. What I have discovered through the thirty years of drug addiction affecting my life, with the past twelve being the worst, is that addiction means different things to different people. Even in the same family the definitions can be different because it is created from personal emotional definitions. I’m here to share my heavell with you so that you may discover your emotional definitions in hopes that you will find your way out or never walk down this road to begin with.