A Story of Love #245

When it comes to our ability to describe our passion in relation to someone or something else, rarely do we find ourselves at a loss for words because we allow ourselves to feel as we feel and then to say what’s there without hesitation. In other words, our storyline works whenever we are speaking about what is on the outside of us but when it comes to expressing love for ourselves, our effort is far less than it should be or even non-existent especially if things have not gone as we had hoped. Maybe it’s because we are so focused on the accumulation of flowers and whether or not ours are lacking in some way or perhaps it’s that we think that by having dreaded “f” moments, we have already lost and are now defined as impossible. Of course, wins or the achievement of goals are important but when it comes to substance use, the steps to achieve those things need the whole of you, what you are actually going through with. So, it’s not that a fall or repeated falls is an indication that you can’t get there, but rather that your focus on the win, that elusive future flower, is preventing you from utilizing all of your tools in this moment, the place where you can be found in your storyline. We do have to get comfortable with the things that are not all right within ourselves, but we also have to give equal time to a story of love that lives in our epic tales but is often hidden in the shadows or edited out because of the presence of weeds. The answer has seemed as if all effort should be put into stopping the use of substances while hanging on, it certainly was what I wanted Ryan to do, but if you think about those grand tales that we so love, the authentic characters get scared, doubt, hate and lose their way on the inside until at some point they remember not a perfect love story full of flowers but the one that reminds them that they are possible which helps them to move, to believe, once again without that guarantee of a win. So, what are you to you? When you tell your narrative to yourself, you need to state your love for you as often as you nudge yourself with your weeds. Otherwise, you are not using the whole of you and your basic tools, like holding on, will only get you so far on your trail and that would be like dangling from a cliff with the hope that only one of your hands is required to keep you safely in that place. This is me and I am a dreaded “f” moment maker in parts of my epic tale, but my rollercoaster ride also includes a developing story of love for myself, the very person I am guaranteed to go through all of this with. A story of love where the occasional flowers are beautiful and the laughter feels good, but the weeds are where I get to learn to show up for, to really love myself in all the moments and ways that I actually live a so very heavell life. I hadn’t realized that my own words were at angle and that they didn’t take care of me when I needed them most until a foil dragon became my nemesis by becoming Ryan’s tool to hang on with. I also didn’t imagine that he would be the one to remind me that we are each an evolving story of love that at times feels so unwelcoming because of the presence of prickles that hurt and our “flipping out” moments but then that’s how impossible was found to be “I’m possible”, the passion for ourselves, in a different truth of those very same hard lessons. Have the best day POSSIBLE for you and today when you look in that mirror, be kind as you learn to straighten your words so that you may speak of a story of love for yourself. Love Always, Heavell