Apply It Here #215

The strength that is exerted upon us by our thoughts and feelings or even just the meaning of words can keep our view in a position that encourages us to believe that those things are in fact strong enough to hold us and prevent our movement. That particular force, another “f” word that is very persuading to us, is continually in motion and impacts where we comfortably set the things that we trust about ourselves especially those unsafe pieces. It’s as if the familiarity of what unwanted items such as falls and darkness have been valued as in one honesty is preventing us from realizing that in a different truth, those messes are the objects that are able to push us towards the safety and the fondness, also known as the change, that we need to find. Those very things that appear to define us in ways we hate are also the ones that when placed in a different position and viewed for all that they are, can open the door to what’s possible but a belief has kept us from realizing that we can move the location of whatever we need to. Imagine, if you will, a place in the light where only a certain type of flower grows and that field, in that moment, defines the meaning of beauty. Eventually, though, you notice another field that is shaded, and has a lot of weeds, where different kinds of flowers flourish too. You can see how those weeds help to fertilize the flowers, making them stronger, and that the shade allows them to develop in their matter of time. A loveliness lives there in the details of that location as well as in the place of a certain type of flower and both are a part of the force that moves beauty so that it is never limited to one thing nor excludes something just because it’s messy, different or requires more time and or work. Courage is another term where we have established that it only occurs in a particular kind and to have it, you can never be or never have been scared or weak and yet strength exists in many different forms that can be found in all the ways that we live any kind of life just as fear does. When we limit our views, for example, on what a word or an experience or a fall means, we ensure that we don’t have a chance at change because to transform a part, the whole has to show up and be willing to try something that might not work while perceiving that it is still an essential part of the force that is attempting to grow our fondness for ourselves and the belief in our possibilities. Could you sit down for a moment, then, and pick one term or moment and move it from where you, yourself, have been forcefully holding it and apply it here instead as a piece of your series of movements that is developing you over your matter of time? Or are you more comfortable with believing that if you keep it where it is, you will be safe enough and if so, is that what you really want or is it that you are afraid that your strength and courage, your power of how you apply what is yours to carry, will fail you? It took years for me to understand that Ryan’s addiction was the force that was pushing us to take each dreaded “f” moment and apply it here instead of keeping it where it could continue to feed the pain and impossibilities. I can still hear Ryan telling me to be “grateful for the lessons mom, especially the tough ones” and in the yesterdays that thought infuriated me because as a hold out on change, I didn’t want to or think I needed to and yet today I am so very thankful for our moments in the darkness that painfully opened doors to what really lives in the messes and how the place that we apply those items determines what continues to be. You can move whatever you need to in order to use it as what nourishes the beginning of new flowers or you can continue to apply it here, where it is now, trusting what’s comfortable and familiar even if you hate it. After all, the weight of the world, moments, words, thoughts and feelings are what matter in the place that needs us most and it takes courage and strength to keep it in the same position just as much as it does to change the understanding of them and to apply them differently. Be loud and be kind because it takes a lot of force to create the beauty that only you can and it will always be in the most unwelcoming, falling and doubt invoking ways. Have the best day possible for you and if you are scared just say so because if you move your view, you will see that it is the voice of courage even though it appears to be the one of weakness but of course that’s just another different but very real truth about the things that live and breathe in us and around us. Love Always, Heavell