Too often we underestimate the power of our words as well as their ability to imply things other than what we intend for them to do. Take, for instance, the two terms substance abuse versus substance misuse. Those expressions are actually used to define each other and yet one is communicated as the intentional use of substances, otherwise known as a “choice”, in a way that is unhealthy and or illegal while the other is expressed as using medication in a manner that it was not intended for, also known as a “choice” and unhealthy but not necessarily illegal. How do you feel, in the place that needs you most, about those particular words? What if you were to turn around to contemplate two other expressions known as mess and disorder and what they hold for you? Are you aware that those two terms are interchangeable with each other as well but more importantly that they can also be used to define the abuse and misuse of substances? What, then, do you think of and feel when comparing those two separate groups of expressions that define addiction? Which pair leaves you feeling impossible and which set holds the possibility of being all right even in the moments that are not all right? In other words, what terms have been used to help lift you up, to step, and which ones have been misused or abused encouraging the belief that you are defined only by your falls and “f” moments? Now turn around again to view the yesterdays where the misunderstanding of words has created chaos as well as pain even though that was not the intent. Moment by moment, word by word and feeling by feeling these are our individual stories that have occurred in similar and yet distinctly different ways. Those small, unseen things, like terms and the emotions that live in the shadows of them, have a way of effecting not only what choices we believe we have but also our ability to actually hold onto change. Having a sense of and believing in what words mean on the inside of ourselves can raise a little hell and turn it into a superpower rather than remaining as what continues to hurt. Imagine then, in a different truth, that what has felt like the weight of the world has always just been the moments before strength is found no matter how long it takes to get there. This is you and this is me and it is good to be home because we are taking it all with us so we might as well be who we are. Give me a moment because this is how my son’s fall, also known as his substance use, became a superpower for all us even though we were in that hell for far too long and it hurt way more than we ever thought possible. After all, the art of living in heaven and hell is in knowing that the heaven moments are the ones that allow us to breathe in brave before the falls into hell where we discover all that we are and all that needs to be transformed for the better including our word choices. Oh hell, give yourself a moment because if this were easy, everyone would make the “simple choice” to change but in a different truth what can be found behind any option complicates seeing and feeling beyond what is just in front of us; whether we are an addict or not. Be kind as you learn the truth of yourself and as you share what needs to be said for what is in your words tells the story of a sometime warrior who is courageous and yet scared that falls and rises but is always the definition of beauty. There is a reason why we have a lot of tissues. It’s so we can cry here while holding our weeds or laugh until our stomachs hurt while walking on our flowers. Whatever you do though, it’s what you lean in to hear that determines what kind of day it’s going to be so choose the words that help you feel possible even in the chaos of a so very heavell life.

We will not be sharing a blog next week on Thursday, February 25th. We will however be sharing our new page “Beautiful Things” for those who have left this world as a result of substance use or the lasting effects of it, mental health issues and death by suicide as there’s a love that will continue on because of and for them. We already have a couple of submissions to give you an idea on how to share the person that you want remembered; a friend, a classmate, a neighbor, a family member, a loved one, a child of another or even a stranger. You may include a photo if you have one, his or her name in full or part or just a nick name/term of endearment and or approximately three sentences that tells the world something that matters about that person even if it’s just simply that he or she loved ketchup on everything. All submissions are subject to approval by the Admins of Heavell. We will also be sharing some words about Ashlee, Ryan’s oldest sister, as a daughter and sister of addicts who is a sometime warrior working to change how those with substance use and mental health issues perceive of themselves. Have the best day possible for you. Love Always, Heavell.

A special thanks to Taylor for helping to expand our perception of the terms use, abuse and misuse as well as how, in a different truth about those expressions, we feed the hell when we “choose to use” certain words even when our intent has not been to do so.