See The Beauty #167

How have you been experiencing this kind of life? Are you hearing yourself or are you listening to the terms of others and trying to live through them or perhaps it is your fear that has found a way to be illuminated? By looking for the simplest and easiest trail, we are closing the door on the possibilities of getting comfortable with what is uncomfortable from the yesterdays or today or even what has yet to be in the tomorrows. The real truth, then, is that adversity will always be encountered because some will and some won’t perceive of and react to life in the same ways whether it’s the parts of ourselves or those of others. In my need to change what Ryan was carrying in the place that needed him most, I either decided the value of his pain through my details or I kept pointing out only our fabulous moments and parts. What wasn’t there, though, was his ability to feel as I did nor to quiet what had become loud on the inside of himself where it couldn’t be seen nor understood by me. The bigger that mess became, the more my pain had a power over me that made it so I just wanted to close the door to it. Ryan’s pain had been encouraging him to do the same thing even though the particulars were different in how we each dealt with it. It is hard to breathe when we are in hell and it is even more difficult to believe in our courage and strength when fear, at first glance, has become the strongest. We were really both just alike and if we had perceived of that connection, we could have been united sooner in our understanding of what coping with that hell meant together and not together. When we lean into hear what words feel like for someone else, it can often help us realize what we have only been listening to within ourselves. Imagine then the actual value of having and being a messy room or part in the discovery of how strong you really have been and are capable of being even when you appear to be weak because of the chaos. After all, there is quite a bit of room for even just a single term to be defined in so many similar and different ways that’s personal for each of us. I wonder, then, how have you been holding your words in the place that needs you most? Oh what a journey we have been on where laughing until our stomach hurts shouldn’t just come from the perfect moments but should also include what we lean into as we learn to breathe in brave especially when in hell. This is you and this is me and we are taking it all with us wherever we go no matter what we hope for or want. We might as well, then, see the beauty of valuing what the weight of the world means so that our tears and behaviors are no longer an expression of what isn’t being heard. In other words, you might as well raise a little hell by seeing the beauty of being the beloved in your story of weakness, falls, strength and fabulousness as the perfect person to go through in your matter of time. But if you’re not sure just turn around and ask your sometime warrior who has always seen the beauty of you whether you are carrying weeds, bringing hell or picking your own flowers in the simple and easy moments in a so very heavell life.