What does being all right mean to you? What do you feel in your heart when you say that you are? Is it the green truth or the real truth for you? For me it means that I am able to handle more and more moments without feeling as if I cannot breathe; it doesn’t mean that I don’t still feel the hell. Can you understand that? Despite what has been in the yesterdays and the part of me that is still there, the todays and the tomorrows continue to come and go; as life persists all around me. When I am able to, I am using the other parts of myself to lift up the one that feels so broken. It certainly doesn’t work every time but when it does, I am in the moments that I need to be; stepping forward rather than walking in circles. Some of those times involve the others in my life and it is essential that I be able to be present for them; as well as myself. All of this is living a life that is so very heavell; having and holding heaven and or hell in any given moment every single day. It’s learning to be all right even when not all of the parts or moments or BLAHS are all right. I am me and as such I am more than just the mother of a dream who won against addiction but ultimately lost his life due to the destruction to his body. You are you and as such you are the perfect person to love, hate, lift up, change or accept every part of you. Be amazed and be loud about the all of you. Here’s to the hope that you will take what has been on the inside and the outside of you and be all right; whether an addict or not.
If I were you, what would I see when I look in the mirror? If I were you, what would I feel in my heart? The things that we perceive of ourselves have often been influenced by what others have decided; as if we are each all or nothing. It is impossible, though, to know everything about someone just as it is difficult for each of us to treat the heaven and the hell within us equally. It is very challenging to find the understanding that is needed for others when we struggle to find it within ourselves. Imagine if you will, that you see me when I am having a bad moment; fear and hurt are often expressed through anger. It’s never easy to say “I’m scared” so we will convey that feeling in detrimental ways; for ourselves and for others. If you are unaware that my son died tragically, what would you describe me as being; based on those moments that you saw? What do others define you as being; based on what they have seen or have been told? We use our words to state what others and ourselves are but it is rarely, if ever, the real truth. The strongest part may be what we feel and what others see but there has always been so much more to us; unless of course we don’t treat it all equally. I am me and while I have done a lot of things right in this life, I have also had way too many “f” moments and “I am scared” ones; having to learn to do this better every time I can. If your scared just say you are because we all are at some point. Feeling that way is not a weakness but rather an expression on the outside of the mess on the inside; that is in need of being dealt with. A part can never equal a whole no matter what is seen or felt. If we focus on only a part as being the problem and or the solution, then we are continuing the cycle that helped to create the fall to begin with; there’s one of those “f” moments. On the days or moments that I am not doing this well, I need the other parts of me to lift me up or to stand over the one that is fallen. You will never know that about me or yourself if we only believe in illusions of perfection or the green truth that a part equals a whole. Got heavell? Here’s to the understanding that you have always been so much more; find what you love and what needs to change. Please hold on because another moment is coming and this time you can be all right; unless of course you continue to feed the hell one part at a time.
This heavell life will always present the opportunity to meet yourself as well as others; to learn, to change, to be amazed, to listen and to be heard. I had the opportunity to speak with Jimmy from Tucson Turf Elite Football powered by Life Athletix, Inc. They have co-ed flag football teams and are a non-profit, youth sports organization. What struck me as being amazing about this group is that they win because their kids focus on being a team and communicating as one as well; in life and on the field. They are a whole that is made up of parts; from the volunteers to those who donate to the kids who play. We can learn from them by conveying and functioning as a team on the inside of ourselves while sharing that to the outside; especially in those moments that are hell. Thank you tucsonturfelite.org and Jimmy for your time; and for leading others to be more than just a part.
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