The differences that make each of us who we are is a part of the whole circle of Heavell. Those feelings, moments, perspectives, emotional definitions and even the BLAH place us in our positions on that circle. Having an individual view, those experiences of what heaven and hell are, leads to our denials, justifications and judgements; for ourselves as well as for others. The green truth is that we can compare the suffering, the circumstances, the perspectives and the feelings; the value of them. What I have been through in my life, only I completely know and have felt deep into my parts; breathing them into my heart whether I should or not. There can be an understanding found with others but the all that has been is solely mine; carrying the weight of the world or not for me. When someone does something that hurts us, the encounter is regarded from opposite positions; the view of the giver as well as that of the receiver. Standing with each of them are those who have been on either side of that type of moment; also there are those whose perspectives are more neutral or even lack the knowledge of the experience at all. The real truth is that we cannot decide the value of the pain, the fear, the love, the moments, the BLAH and the reactions to them for others; even though we justify doing so. Just as there are benefits that can be found within the compassion from the group that understands us, there are also those who can and do demean the all that has been; as if we should not be effected by the moments. Ultimately, though, each person has to use all of their parts to find the beauty within hell, heaven and the shadows. It matters not what I say but what you do with the knowledge of you; within your personal circle is the why you fell and the how you will lift yourself up. Why are you trying to make yourself into something you are not; solely hell or even just heaven? Be a giver, be a receiver, be both of them, be an illusion or just be the Heavell keeper of your life. If only the pain, the yesterdays, the “f” moments or the BLAH would just go away, we would never feel the need to deny, justify, judge or even use substances in order to not see the real truth; that hell is everywhere whether we want it or not.
When things are working on my trail, I am a believer in my abilities to face and overcome any challenge; that warrior status of mine. People, places, things, moments and the BLAH however have the ability to disrupt or even to destroy the pace; especially when we least expect it, want it or believe we can handle it. Feelings of frustration, fearfulness and of being lost, as well as the familiarities of the behaviors of yesterday, can then become the loudest voices in any of our hearts; even if it is detrimental to our wellbeing. Courage, breathing in brave or even a warrior status is so much easier when things are moving along or we are at the end of hell; in contrast to the start of or in the middle of it. Our power lies in our ability to face the adversities of any given moment, no matter the duration, rather than in the strides that can be halted. Once those interruptions begin, it can be hard to return to the steps with those heavenly expectations; especially if you are, but not limited to, an addict. Yesterday has passed and while it will always just be, hope brings the possibility of doing this differently in the tomorrows. What is in your words that you say to yourself as well as to others? Which group is on the inside of you? All of your parts, whether heaven or hell in nature, are there to remind you that you have always been more than just a part or some parts; treat them equally rather than listening to just the loudest one. You are the perfect person to love all of you; and to be your guide on your personal circle of heavell. Use your pieces to hold you in a hug when faced with the challenges that disrupt the process. Be kind to yourself if you do not handle well the anything and the everything. Your hell will not just go away but then neither will your heaven; because they treat you equally even if you don’t see that or feel that.
To All: I am scared; we should all be. There are reports that the level is rising in the amount of children that are suffering from anxiety, distress, depression, suicidal thoughts and the BLAH. The fractured, the de-valued, those in pain as well as so much more, will express on the outside what is being felt on the inside. They will also listen to the loudest voice(s); to the detriment of themselves, families, and society. We can share our knowledge but the real truth is that it will not stop angels from falling; it’s their pain and their moments that will lead them to become the future nightmares. When we are in hell, it’s hard to believe that it will ever end; especially as a child. We need to hear what they see when they look in the mirror. What matters then, is how they feel about that perception; and if we assist them in transfering those feelings into understanding within themselves. We can also help them by letting them know its okay not to be okay; that it doesn’t mean they wont be alright at some point in the tomorrows.
Those of us in the world of addiction, whether an addict or not, have and are living this. We know the real truth about the rise of suffering; as well as where it will lead to. We are the sometimes warriors that in any given moment breathe in brave, have missteps, hold the hands of courage and fear, have “f” moments, know we are scared and have days that we are able to stand; right along with the ones where we live curled up on the ground. If there is anyone who can help show that its alright not to be okay, its us. See you soon, Heaven and Hell.
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