Whether an addict or not, who we will be in the tomorrows can be an unknown as well as an uncomfortable place to be; yesterday holds the familiar parts of ourselves. We perceive of, as well as place a value upon, ourselves as well as others based on the knowledge of the anything and the everything that has occurred during those times. The chains that can and do bind us to the yesterdays are created through the words and the actions of everyone on the circle of heavell; some of which can carry the weight of the world in the heart of the beholder. What would happen if people, places, things, or the BLAH had a missing part or parts? How can they possibly be whole, work together, if parts are hidden, ignored or denied? It is all but impossible to learn from the “f” moments, to achieve a different outcome, if we do not acknowledge and deal with all that has been. My friend does not want to be concerned with the past and yet it is a part of what is driving his or her addiction. That person continues to cope today through the same actions as yesterday; resulting in the identical feelings and behaviors that he or she is comfortable with. What is on the inside can and will be expressed on the outside where we can feel the safety found within the expression of it; even if we hate it or long for a different one. We cannot pick just the flowers while pretending that the weeds do not occupy a place in each of us. You are the perfect person to love, hate, accept or change every part of yourself. You are the one who knows the yesterdays while standing by for the tomorrows. If you are scared then just say you are scared because we all are at some point. It is hard to breathe in brave with the familiarity of the known versus the yet to be revealed moments that live in the tomorrows. Where have you been in your heart? How comfortable are you in that place? What if you just experienced all of it? Lend me your feelings and I will lend you mine so that we may understand each other. You are your guide no matter where you are so if nothing else, believe in the beautiful and sometimes painful knowledge of you.
If I were you, I would see what in the mirror? Does what you see and feel contain both the heaven and the hell of you; one does not exist without the other? There is a no return policy because what has been done cannot be undone but tomorrow need not be the same as yesterday. The past contains both a heaven and a hell that should be acknowledged but not breathed into our hearts because life is about using all of our parts. It matters what you do with the knowledge of you, from the broken pieces to the easy ones and everything else in between; there is only one you. It is possible to love yourself, whether an addict or not, while hating what addiction brings; the heaven and the hell of substance abuse. Grace for one’s self is achievable by perceiving of the value of having flaws and making mistakes rather than believing that they are unacceptable; and as such should be hidden or denied. An addict I know recently slipped back into the valley of the fallen angels through his addiction to alcohol. He repeatedly talked about his behavior during his relapse; as if it were the only part that he was or could ever be. Located within those “f” moments had been the opportunity to seek the heaven so that the hell could not become the sole definer of himself; hell is the place where he is most comfortable. Some days will be won by the monster known as addiction but not every moment or part belongs to it; treat all of them equally. A childhood friend of mine, who had became a drug addict, passed away several years ago. She had a daughter who did not know her mother in any other capacity until myself, as well as others, took the time to write to her about all the parts of her mother that we had known and loved; before addiction took control. She had been a dream and a nightmare, a circle of heavell, as well as one of the kindest people I have ever known. The letter was also an opportunity for me to tell that child that I was sorry for all that she had felt and lost as well as never having experienced in her life as the daughter of an addict; the truth lies in the heart of the beholder of that pain. Her mother had been so much more than just the addict part that had become the sole definer of her; every dream matters whether here or not to someone somewhere. Unhappy people alter their state of being every day. They are also unlikely to be able to change if they hide the hell on the inside; but still express it on the outside. Addiction is a monster but you are in control of all the other parts; whether an addict or not. You’ve got heavell; whether you want it or not. If nothing else, believe in that and in the beautiful and sometimes painful knowledge of you. Its what makes you the perfect person to be your guide on the trail in hell; unless of course you are comfortable with just being in the place that you are.
Today’s picture was sent to me from Jessica. She was in India on an adventure of a lifetime. Over there, the number of coconut trees on each property is counted and then that number is marked on one of the trees. I have to assume that the more trees a property has, the more valuable the property is; each tree is as important as the next. The same can also be said about our parts; the more that they are seen, the more likely we are moving towards the valuable place of being whole. We should treat every part, both the heaven and the hell, equally. Thank you Jessica for sharing your picture with me. See you soon!
Recent Comments