When dreams become nightmares through addiction, its easy to focus upon the substance abuse as being the sole problem but that is a green truth. We rarely, if ever, know the real truth about what it took for someone to get where they are until we deal with all that has occurred. Substances are concrete items that can easily be seen and therefore easily blamed; versus the hard to understand feelings of ourselves as well as others. By simply controlling substances or removing the access to them, the belief is that addiction will no longer be a problem; another green truth. Where there is a will, there will always be a way. Where there is a need, especially the desire to run from pain or to fit in, there will always be a way. When Ryan began using, it had started with a friend offering him a prescription pill with the promise that it would surely make everything alright in life. Why does anyone need a person, a place, a substance, a thing, a BLAH in order for that to occurr? The problem with the yesterdays is that in them lie all that has been done whether seen or not; leading to that which is on the inside will be expressed on the outside, eventually. It has really taken me such a long time to know and even understand all the things that drove Ryan to escape life through his false friendship with drugs. They had brought him the ability to cope in a life where he had learned to only appear to be an illusion of perfection. The story of each addict is not exactly the same but part of the answer of addiction does lie in the pieces that bind any and all addicts to the use of any and all substances; not just the addictive nature of each substance or even the addict brain itself.
If in life we are supposed to help each other become the best version of ourselves, then dealing with the hell side will have to be a part of achieving that; heaven does not exist without hell. Life is never going to be favorable with its challenges nor is any person going to be well timed in the deliverance of the parts that demand the ability to cope well. It is easy enough to believe that the anything and the everything from the yesterdays will just stay there but they don’t. See you soon in the future in the form of addiction when “unhappy people” cope through the use of substances. Those moments, no matter the size, make up the traumas, no matter the size, that are carried in the heart when they are breathed in. They are perceived by the person who feels them; where they can and do carry the weight of the world. How you feel about the anything and the everything is not necessarily what anyone else feels even though we all understand the dictionary definitions of words. What is in your words that you say to yourself and to others? Do you cope well? Dreams do not aspire to become nightmares, victims do not hope to become monsters and angels do not plan to live in hell but it happens every single day; whether convenient or not. We must treat all of the parts of us equally otherwise we will only be illusions of perfection; altering our state of being because we will need people, places, things, substances and BLAH to feel better. Feelings cannot be seen until they are expressed on the outside in manners that can be and are detrimental to ourselves as well as to others; they are what make each of us who we are. “I am sorry” is an important statement, whether an addict or not, because in it is the validation of the feelings of others. We may not feel the same way about the anything and the everything but we can relate to the need to be seen and heard. Addicts really are just like you and me because they feel the same way about facing the mirror and dealing with hell just as much as we do.
A scientist once told me that addiction has actually played a role in the survival of human beings. He explained that during the times when water carried diseases, the drinking of alcohol or fermented beverages prevented people from contracting illnesses that would have killed them. Today, however, addiction is not necessary in the survival of diseases even though it still holds the promise of existence in a world of pain; as well as for those who live with mental illness. The yesterdays are a part of us because they will always be; what has been done cannot be undone. If we behave today, though, as we have in the past, we will continue to be a part of the problem rather than a part of the solution. Just because it has been done does not mean that it was right then nor that it is right now. Addiction, like a circle of heavell, carries within it the vast layering of contributing factors; not just the ones that are easily seen and or blamed. If we are to truly help each other to become the best forms of ourselves then we must find beauty no matter where we are; coping well without people, places, substances or BLAH in order to feel better. Hell will never be that far away because life is not that considerate and heaven cannot exist without it. Pick your own weeds while carrying hope in your heart that others will follow your lead. I am sorry that you are here but you are the perfect person to love, hate, accept or change every part of you. What pieces bind you to heaven and or to hell? It matters not what I say but what you do with the knowledge of you; just don’t deny any of your parts or you will remain fractured.
To All: Every day is a new day to discover you. To face what has been done by you and to you. Breathe in brave while holding the hands of courage and that of fear. A wise friend once said, “If your scared just say your scared because we all are at some point”. You are more than the parts that bind you to addiction. Treat both the heaven and the hell in you in an equal manner because one does not exist without the other. Beauty will never be found in illusions of perfection. You are the real truth in your life whether anyone else feels the same way or not. Tomorrow is waiting for you to become a whole circle of heavell. What will you do with the knowledge of you?
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