We hum the story that having hope is a glimpse into individuals that are pending within the flash of a better life where being worthy of receiving appreciation can be found.
A brief summary of what could be without consideration for the conditions that both hope and future versions require in making it to finally believing in who we are.
No mention of the weather in being stuck in saving up moments filled with grief and empty smiles that will continue to mark our pages.
No indication of how many of our days, or even years, will turn hope into fairytales that can’t hold us together.
No hint on how feeling lost will overwhelmingly deepen for periods of time even though hope seemed like it would cut through that fog like the beam of a lighthouse.
No insight into how to cope with the fear that isn’t showing up because of tomorrow’s unknown but is rooted in yesterday’s survival.
And no exchange on how we are indeed silently doubting the doubt by hoping amongst the identities that speak of not being enough.
See, when we dream, we look forward to the proof found at the end but not the spaces that lead up to it.
So, we await relief, anticipate confidence, expect happiness and are keen on being able to stack moments with tears that know our laughter better than our hurt.
But as we step towards some hope, conditions pile up and our running understanding of doubt doesn’t miss a beat in using every single moment to color us with hopelessness.
And that’s because we have never been comfortable in spots where we have to find appreciation for ourselves and even with a glimpse of future versions, we still can’t.
See, when we doubt, we distrust ourselves but when we hope, we are supposed to be skeptical of the thoughts and feelings that would have us doubting ourselves.
One of these days, we will lighten the conditions along our journeys to hope by being determined to appreciate ourselves within the walls of our homes without our pending selves being seen or perfectly in place.
Have the best day POSSIBLE for you. Love Always, Heavell
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